TopFive Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 So for the past five months I have been heavily involved with a wonderful young woman who is 4 years my senior. She has been one of the main reasons that I have been able to lose feelings for my previous ex and move on. This woman is beautiful, smart and EXTREMELY caring. However, as of late, issues with her and her family have forced her to become very emotional and hard to deal with at times. Let me give you a small background of our relationship. When I came home from school back in December, she was aware that i was a broke college student and with the way the economy is, it would be a couple of months before i found any kind of job. I was at an extreme lowpoint. Not only did i not have a job, but i need a new transmission for my car. Being the lovely person she is, she told me that she had no problem with picking me up on her days off and going half or paying for certain things. Now, already i felt like i was less of a man because no woman i have never let any woman besides my mother or my grandmother help me out with anything. I even told her to stop being so kind and that i would be fine without her willingly spending money on me. She couldn't find it in herself to stop. And it's not like she buys me things or spends a crazy amount of money, she just burns gas picking me up and buys food to make when i come over. Well lately, she has been throwing all of this in my face! Her family issues have forced her to move to another location and she constantly reminds me that "she cannot support me". First off all, who asked her to spend any money on me?! In the last month, she has snapped on me about 4 times. And believe me when i tell you that i did nothiiiinnnnnggggg. I learned from my previous relationship to not get as emotional as the woman is. She's been showing me no type of respect and recently cursed me out really bad in front of her friends and tried to leave me stranded somewhere. A couple of days ago she kicked me out of her new apartment, saying that we're done, i take her for granted and that she can no longer support me and i should start giving her her money back. Mind you, she lives 30 minutes away from me. She's also been checking my twitter and getting mad that i talk to my female friends from school (she doesn't even have a twitter!). Her argument is that she spends money on me and i spend the couple dollars i DO have by going out with my friends. She wants to go out to nice places and be "taken care of". Now i had planned to do nice things for her this week because i just got hired at THREE places and i get paid this week. But this woman is stressing me out. I'm 22, she's 26. I feel that she wants things from me that i cannot provide right now. She's been contacting me, but i havent been responding. She has no respect for me and i fear if i take her back she's just gonna do it again. I really care for her and i want to be there for her during this hard time, but she's pushing me away. IDK what to do... Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Seems like for whatever reason, she has built up a lot of resentment and you are the target. Those are deep emotions that arent going to just clear up like clouds after stormy weather. She pushed you away, stay away. Link to comment
surfjon Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Top man, You're young and Ed is right, there are some resentment issues here.... I'd retreat and create some healthy distance, there may be other factors in her life that are adding to all this..... Link to comment
TopFive Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Seems like for whatever reason, she has built up a lot of resentment and you are the target. Those are deep emotions that arent going to just clear up like clouds after stormy weather. She pushed you away, stay away. Are you saying she has resentment toward me? I've been nothing but supportive. If she should resent anyone it should be the family member that has been causing her all this pain. Link to comment
sportsguy9981 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Like you said her and you are both in different places in your lives.. by the time you are her age you'll probably have a good paying job and thats probably what she is looking for, somebody like that, kind of rotten of her not to be more upfront about that but sometimes people are initially attracted and thought it could work but maybe she wasnt totally open to the fact of it working out completely. If I were you at 22 I would have some fun and not get involved with anybody for a couple years, I wasnt involved at that age and Im glad, im 31 now and Im still not ready to get heavily involved yet, probably because Im coming out of an almost 5 year relationship but in all reality now I can take my time and enjoy being single awhile since Im in my prime and Im not broke like I was at your age.. being single while you have some money saved up is alot better so Id concentrate on just getting a job right now or continuing your college life if you're still in college. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Are you saying she has resentment toward me? I've been nothing but supportive. If she should resent anyone it should be the family member that has been causing her all this pain. It may not be directly you that she resents, it may be her whole lot in life. Your just an easy target. Easier to resent you then it is her blood. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Stop giving her the silent treatment. This is immature and just making her angrier. You need to talk to her about how she is making you feel, and if she doesn't like it, then you may have to walk. Keep in mind she is having a rough time and we like to take things out on those we care about the most, so try to be understanding of this, too. Brush it off, but don't be a punching bag. Link to comment
quirky Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Here's what I think is happening. Now that she is in a more stressful place in her life, I think she is looking for some kind of security. And your financial situation is not providing that and that's why she feels resentful. She put in her share of 'providing' by picking you up and helping you out and now she wants her piece. At the beginning things were easy, you were hot and she didn't consider all this but now she is in some sort of 'need' she feels you can't pull your weight. Ignoring her is the worst thing you can do because she already feels used. The fact that she feels used is both of your responsibility, you for allowing the convinence and her for providing this convenience to you. You need to talk it out really honestly, no ego and see if you can resolve it. If you do, both of you need to be more independent after that, you with finances and her with emotions. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 He's not giving her the silent treatment. He doesnt wish to speak to her. I dont blame him either. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I think it's like quirky is saying. She thought you were super hot and fun, and didn't mind doing those things because she wanted to see you. But now that she has things to deal with on her end that are stressful, she is realizing that you aren't what she needs. And she's making a big production out of it, instead of being normal about it and simply saying "you are super cool but this isn't going to work out." When you said you feel like you can't provide for her the things she needs and wants, I think that is right. And that's no bad on your part. She shouldn't have expected that of you - which she probably did not intend to do, but she did anyways, and now is disappointed. She got caught up and I agree with the guys, some of this has nothing to do with you at all but previous stuff she is bringing to the table with you. Link to comment
TopFive Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 He's not giving her the silent treatment. He doesnt wish to speak to her. I dont blame him either. Thank you! I'm just not sure of what to do. I like a lot and her friend called me yesterday and told me that she still wants to be with and would hate to see me with someone else, but she feels i take her for granted. I know she'll call again, but idk what im gonna do. I don't wanna start messing with her again and have her disrespect me like that again. Women are creatures of habit. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Thank you! I'm just not sure of what to do. I like a lot and her friend called me yesterday and told me that she still wants to be with and would hate to see me with someone else, but she feels i take her for granted. I know she'll call again, but idk what im gonna do. I don't wanna start messing with her again and have her disrespect me like that again. Women are creatures of habit. And exactly what are you supposed to do so that she doesn't feel taken forgranted? I'm guessing if you put a gun to her head she couldn't answer that for you. Its an excuse she is using to justify her behaviour towards you. Link to comment
BlueKitten Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 This is all just bad timing. You are both in different stages in your life. At first she probably wanted to help you out but then later realized that she would rather be with a man who can take her out and now she is getting upset with you. It would probably be better for you to end things than drag it out and make her hate you more. Just let her know that you care about her and are sorry that you cant provide her the things she deserves but right now you just need to find yourself and figure out your life. Let her know that it would be better if the two of you went your separate ways because you are in different places in your lives but that hopefully in the future you can meet up and stay cordial. I was beginning to feel this way about my ex and he broke up with me. Even though it really hurt, I think it is better this way because otherwise I would have just begun to resent him and hate him when he really probably just needs time to get his life together and I need to respect that. Things are much better this way. Link to comment
TopFive Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 I dont knowwhats going to happen now. I texted her something similar to what you suggested yesterday and i didn't get a reply. The sad thing is, she knows i work now and things are going to be different. Maybe youre right. And if think it's better that i stay single because with the profession that im about to be in i don't need any distractions. I don't think i'm suitable to be any girl's boyfriend right now. I'm only good for two things, temporary comfort and you know... this situation just sucks. she really is good for me. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.