I Going to Leave This Forum, My Last Vent For A While

[VeryShyGuy]

As much as I like this forum, I am going to stop venting. This will be my last vent for a while. occasionally I will visit from time to time but wont be doing any posting. I need to stop over-analysing myself. My every thread is analysing myself. I need to stop analysing myself and actually do something for myself. Just screaming my goals and dreams in my threads won't make them a reality.

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Alright now to start venting:

Are the words I put on this forum (i.e. my goals/dreams) are they nothing but a lame attempt to motivate myself (and also an attempt to improve my writing )?

 

No, these words aren't a lame attempt to motivate myself. The words I put into my threads have much meaning to me, they are my most innermost thoughts and they describe exactly how I feel at the time I write that thread.

 

If anyone that knows me read my threads they would probably think to themselves "Who is this guy? This isn't the guy I know". That is possibly because I suppress/hide my thoughts/feelings in real life.

 

Yes, there is a significant difference between "VeryShyGuy" and who I am in real life. In my threads it sounds almost like I am trying to will myself into better things. In real life, I usually question that will.

 

The girl I like, she asked my the other day if I am going to do a particular difficult subject at uni next year. This almost sounds like even she is questioning my will. I will do that difficult subject next year, but I need to rigorously prepare myself for it otherwise I will crash and burn.

 

Sometimes I think to myself, where are all my past achievements? Where are all my memories of when I felt truly proud of myself? By venting on this forum, even if I am deluding myself, I like to believe that my best qualities are lying dormant inside of me, waiting to be released. I like to believe that all my past failures are only because I held something back not because I actually lack skill and self-confidence.

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With the girl I like, she probably sees me as more than an acquaintence, but less than a personal friend. At times she is friendly with me, lately it almost appears like she has a professional attitude with me.

 

I am not going to rush in and admit all my feelings to her (I want to though). I am too shy to admit my feelings to her anyway (she might find out anyway by reading my threads, she is a member too).

 

If she is not be interested in a relationship, I just hope at least she is interested in a good friendship. I value my friendship with her. I going to assume that she isn't going to read my threads anytime soon. That is the assumption I have made with some of my earlier threads. If I rush and tell her my feelings I run the likely risk of her attitude towards me becoming suddenly cold (or she would avoid contact with me). If I try to take things slowly, that would only work if I try to keep being friends with her. I have yet to meet her outside of uni (another reason why our relationship seems somewhat professional).

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Like I said I am going stop venting. Venting is only a passive attempt to improve myself. I need to be more active. I am going to exercise more, I found that losing weight isn't as hard as I thought. Hopefully from losing some weight I am able to use it as a tool to help me improve my self confidence. I am going back to doing situps and pushups every morning (I stopped a while ago because I had to come to uni early to complete assignments).

 

I am going to take up an old hobby, playing the piano (I quit when my parents could no longer afford my lessons). I don't care if my sister gets sick of me playing the fur elise over and over. This is the best piece I could play but it is actually a couple levels above my actual level. I thought myself about a quarter of that piece, the rest is too hard (eventually I would work the rest out, I hope).

 

I am going to make a genuine attempt at finding a job (any job, preferably casual, as I want time for other things too). I am not going to make it a half-hearted attempt like I have been doing in the past. This little goal here is going to be a little difficult for me, like I said once before, I cringe at meeting new people (the main reason why I never had a job before).

 

For now, goodbye. I might post again in 1 or 2 months depending on how I feel. From writing on this forum, I have experienced multitude of feelings. At times I feel extremely emotional and can't help but shed some tears because so many of these suppressed thoughts are finally able to come out. Sometimes after venting my feelings, I feel like I never felt happier, never felt more alive and never felt more at peace with myself. Much of my feelings I have vented into my threads and much comfort I get from reading the replies. I am going to miss posting on this forum. Besides, I am running out of feelings/thoughts to vent about anyway. Well, bye and thanks for all the help everyone.

[callipittur]

I'll say some extra prayers for you!

[VeryShyGuy]

Ok, thanks for the prayers.

[lonelyandblue]

I wish you good luck on your goals and adventures in life. You will be missed on the boards. Don't hesitate to come back in case you have any more problems.

[Cassie]

You shouldn't leave the forum all together. Instead perhaps stop in and post to let us know each time you make progress towards your wider goals. We would love to hear from you. Good luck in everything you do! : )