needsomehelp1 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I'll try to keep this short. I've been with my bf for about 2 years now. I just about have my associate's degree and will be employed in june. I am smart and ambitious and often think about continuing my education in the health care field in the later years. My boyfriend on the other hand didn't finish high school and promised me when we started dating that he was going to change that. He also talked about going to college. He has had two jobs in his entire life and the past job only because I kept pressuring him to get a move on with his life. It was seasonal and they didnt hire him after. He was late to his job a lot of the time too, which I believe to be the reason why he probably didn't have a chance of getting hired after the season. He has no money now even though he promised me the makings from the job would go toward GED classes. We recently got in a fight about this and he promised me things would change. The other downside is when we talk, I always notice that he isn't as smart as me, which bothers me. It takes him longer to figure things out when I get it right away, for example. I really love him, he is sweet and is good to me. But I just don't think I want to be with him for the rest of my life because of the lack of ambition, little education, and no future plans. His parents and family have money problems and are not very smart/ambitious either, which makes me not want to marry him because I don't want to be a part of their family. I probably sound horrible, but I'm just on a different level than his family. I discussed this with him too, and how I want to be able to afford kids and vacations and a large enough house one day. So basically what I am asking is this. Should I just break up with him, or should I wait and see if things change? I do love him, but I don't love the future I see if I stay with him and he keeps moving at the pace he is now. I just really need someone to talk to I guess Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I don't think he is a good match for you. I think it's really important to respect and admire the person you are with - and I think that is as important as feeling love for the person. Might he be suffering from depression? It's nice that he is promising you to change but in 2 years it sounds like you've seen little action on those promises. Not a great sign. I would cut my losses and move on if I were you. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I agree with Batya. Issue one is that you keep bringing up this issue and yet nothing changes. Second issue is that you do not see him as your intellectual equal. Both issues are killer in my opinion. You cannot change him. Rather, you should find someone more suited to you. Link to comment
DN Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I think you should break it off and try to find someone you believe is on your level and let him find someone who will love him for who he is. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 How old are you guys? Is he living with his folks? Does he have a developmental disability or a learning disability? It sounds like he doesn't have good role models, etc. I think its okay if a guy doesn't have a lot of education but is a hard worker (but at least has a GED!) but this is not him. It seems that the way his family is, this is ingrained for him. It may be that the only way he gets his GED is if you leave him over it. maybe he WILL be motivated at that point - but don't use that as a tactic (breaking up but not meaning it) - or he could just go on more of the same and think you are from Mars. I agree that you guys are not well suited. It is better to leave him now/soon than have the same argument down the road in 5 years when he still doesn't have a high school education. btw, I think if he is under a certain age, its free for him to go back to high school - go back to the building, etc, - and there are sometimes programs online for that. I don't know the cost of a GED. I know someone who dropped out but then went back to high school a year and a half to two years later and finished. They were older than everyone else, etc, but they did it. They went back when they were 18 or 19 and finished before their 21st birthday. They won't let him if he is 25, etc, i don't think but if he's 16-20, i bet they would Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I wouldn't break up with a girl based on her education/ambition level alone, but when you compound that with a poor work ethic it's definitely a problem. You have every right to be concerned with how this is going to affect your future. I think you already know what you need to do and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with having standards and expectations of your partner. Link to comment
Ayanokōji Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 If you are happy to carry him through life then don't break up with him, otherwise break up with him asap. From your description he comes off as simply lazy, unmotivated without goals and just lives day by day doing the bare minimum, this is a deal breaker. If you really want to stay him then he has at least got to cover ALL house chores, cooking 3 meals a day, weekly cleaning, maintenance work etc... Thats what you get for being unemployed. Link to comment
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I want to note that this thread is located in the Breaking Up section of the forum. Therefore, I say to needsomehelp1, trust your gut and break up with the man. There is someone better out there for you. Link to comment
Mike80 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Hes a goddamn loser. Dump him and find a like-minded partner. Link to comment
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