Is this strange?

[lostnscared]

I've been dating a guy that I met at a previous job since the beginning of November(though we met in mid October). Long story short. I wasn't attracted to him at first, he wasn't my type at all. I usually dated slim athletic average height(5ft10), "prettier" looking men that were a bit more rough around the edges. Matter of fact the last relationship I was in lasted 8 years was to a guy who met that "type". We broke up officially that summer, but had separated in Spring. We have children together. Anyway in the beginning of the "dating" with this new guy we text, talked and work, had lunch etc. He was VERY different my ex physically(he is 6ft 2 very muscular and more of a masculine rugged look). And he actually was a "nice guy", very goofy, very personable, outgoing, and extremely laidback, whereas my ex was very passionate, very highstrung, short-tempered, etc. Anyway we got a long good. He knew I wasn't looking for a relationship and had said he had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship as well so he wasn't in a rush. He wanted to get to know me, and be friends and see where it went. So that is what we were doing. During the time where we were getting to know each other sex never came up at all. We talked about a variety of things. He kept asking me how I felt about marriage, etc. Then my mom passed away and I decided that it was time for me to move out of state to be closer to family while I grieved. he still wanted to talk, and before I left we went on dates, etc. Again nothing sexual happened, the most we did was kiss. And when I did bring up sex, he just said he wasn't really about "sex" and wouldn't pressure me, and I don't have to worry about it it's not what he's looking for anyway(when it comes to me). So we continued talking even when I moved. But one night I got very drunk and began sexually texting him. And he was cool about it. But then I kept doing it. So he started joining in. Then one day while we were talking dirty to each other, I asked him how big his penis was. He told me the "size". And then a few hours later we were talking about it, and basically we agreed that he should send me a picture of it(I know, I know not appropriate). And he sent it. He didn't ask for a picture in return or anything. So it was cool. I deleted it a few days later, because I felt bad about it. But earlier this week, I sent him a head shot picture of myself, and then told him that I had deleted his penis picture a while back and that he didn't have to worry about it getting out. He responded that I didn't have to delete it and did I want him to send me another picture of his penis? And I was like "um no.... You can send me a picture of you smiling if you want to send me a picture". And he was like "okay" but he sounded strange that I didn't want a picture of it. I then asked him wasn't it awkward to just send that type of picture through a text. And he said it wasn't and that he thought of me when he sent it(to get erect). Anyway I just found it a little strange. Does this mean that he probably has sent it out before? Should this be a red flag for me?

[Not a rookie]

He sounds like a really nice guy but you basically ruined it by asking for a penis shot. You demanded the penis shot, and you are asking us if what he did was strange? Seriously now...

[Batya33]

I don't think he has long term potential especially since you are a mom and sooner or later your children will see inappropriate pictures on your phone or worse.

[BrianH46]

You asked for the picture. Should he have replied "ew gross that is degrading!"?

[lostnscared]

Okay the first time I asked for the pic was like 3 weeks ago and I deleted a few days after he sent the picture and realized it was inappropriate and when we talked over the weekend(THIS weekend, I brought it up) and told him I was sorry for asking for something so inappropriate and that I felt so bad that I deleted the picture so he can be assured it won't get out. And then that is when he asked me if I wanted him to resend it again. And I was like "no" and he sounded strange about me not wanting to see it again. And then when I asked him "isn't it awkward for you to be sending that picture out in the first place" and he said "no it wasn't strange at all and that I made him erect, etc". I mean I guess I'm overreacting I just thought it was strange that he was so willing to send it again after I deleted it the first time, and honestly I was surprised when he had agreed to send it the first time around.

 

And FYI I had jokingly asked for the penis picture the first time not thinking he would send it and he did, we were talking dirty and I was drunk...And I didn't find it degrading or strange when he FIRST sent it. Since I requested it. What was strange to me was that after I apologized that he wanted me to see it again and that when I turned it down he sounded a bit "sad"... That is what I found strange. And a lot of my friends have done this(asked guys to send them pictures of their penises). So that wasn't a big deal to me.. It was more me realizing that I liked him more than that and that it was wrong of me to ask him for a picture like that, and was also inappropriate...Which led to me deleting it and apologizing and bringing it up to him this weekend.

[BrianH46]

Ah ok I see where this is coming from. Well it has been 8 years since you've been single, dating and especially "dirty talking" has changed with the advent of sexting. I send naked pictures to my gf and vice versa, the majority of couples I know do this as well granted we are all young (early to mid twenties). What he did wasn't a red flag in my opinion and to me is normal, however I wouldn't send one to someone unless I trusted them.

 

Although this may seem unusual and most likely rash and immature it happens quite often these days, so much so that most people I know don't get offended by this gesture. Your reaction, however, might have offended him at least I would be if I was in his position. Perhaps you should explain your views and the circumstances of that night.

[lostnscared]

He sounds like a really nice guy but you basically ruined it by asking for a penis shot. You demanded the penis shot, and you are asking us if what he did was strange? Seriously now...

 

 

I didn't beg for it... I drunkingly sent him a text one night asking for a picture of it, he said "okay"(hence we agreed to it) and the next day he sent me a picture of it. Honestly when I first asked him I thought he would say no. I was surprised that he wanted to, and surprised to wake up to the picture of it. And at the time that he sent it, I wasn't really thinking that I wanted long term with him. I didn't realize I might "want" something "more" with him until last week, which is why I brought it up to him over this weekend and apologized, prior to that I'll admit I kind of just wanted to have sex with him and be done with him... Hence me sending him dirty messages even when he told me early on he wasn't worried about "sex". I was horny honestly and I regret it but nothing I can do now.

[lostnscared]

Ah ok I see where this is coming from. Well it has been 8 years since you've been single, dating and especially "dirty talking" has changed with the advent of sexting. I send naked pictures to my gf and vice versa, the majority of couples I know do this as well granted we are all young (early to mid twenties). What he did wasn't a red flag in my opinion and to me is normal, however I wouldn't send one to someone unless I trusted them.

 

Although this may seem unusual and most likely rash and immature it happens quite often these days, so much so that most people I know don't get offended by this gesture. Your reaction, however, might have offended him at least I would be if I was in his position. Perhaps you should explain your views and the circumstances of that night.

 

I'm young too, and so is he(I'm 25, he is 27). And I haven't dated in a while(LOL that's an understatement). But I know that there are many articles online that state how offended some woman get when men send these pics and I've also read how degrading it is to send naked pictures of yourself to someone. And I put myself in his position(once I started to realize that I really liked him) and realized how vulnerable and inappopriate it was for me to have requested it. And he knew I was drunk... Because I told him after he sent me the picture, that I was drunk when I had asked for it.

 

I guess he could be offended, IDK... He seemed like he was honestly. And now that I think about it, there was one occasion where he seemed like he really enjoyed talking about his penis. I think he really likes it and maybe I disappointed him by not showing the same enthusiasm. I honestly(will admit) that when I saw the pic after he sent it the first time, I felt yucky and immediately felt regret at even going there with him. But I still liked him, just thought that the picture was kind of gross.

 

Oh well.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[BrianH46]

Yeah sounds to me like you have been out of it for too long, just try not to judge him for it, neither what you or he did is yucky lmao, it is sexual and between two sexual consenting adults. Communication is vital in a healthy sex life so explain to him your situation and views or else it might eat away at him.

[FarCry]

Was it a bad pic or a bad penis? Bet you deleting it made him be like.. "Why? Is it because its small? Is it because its not hot?"

 

Maybe you gave yourself away a bit and he got the impression that you thought his penis was unattractive .

 

Kinda put yourself out there a bit with a penis shot.. Especially sent over night with no reply until morn..

 

Best to build up the pic as being the hottest thing you have ever seen .. But deleted it because it was too hot or something..

 

Like I said.. Guy put himself out there a bit by sending the pic.. Go with it if you like him.

[itsallgrand]

Ahhh so you are doing a bait n' switch, eh.

 

He is not acting strange. You are. Basically.

 

If you liked this guy in any capacity, didn't he deserve better than getting drunken sex texts with the intention that you were going to get rid of him after getting a little of that?

 

You like him more than that, you realize, but you screwed up. Nope, you can't delete it and go back. To head shots and expect him not to be confused and a little hurt. You are yanking him around. And now you brought the almight PENIS into play...not good.

 

You are stuck with Mr. Penis now and even if it goes to anything different, you'll always remember you drunk texted him and got a penis shot. You wanted it, you got it.

[lostnscared]

The pic wasn't the best. But then again I don't think penises look all that great anyway(they just feel good lol). The pic it seemed like it was taken from an odd angle, like half of it was missing(like you could only see the top of it, but couldn't see the rest. When I woke up, I found that pic along with a few texts asking if I had gotten it, what I was doing, etc. I told him it looked "nice and thick" that was it though. I didn't know what else to say. When honestly I felt pretty disgusted with myself. Which is why I deleted it after coming to my senses.

 

And I was being honest with him over the weekend that I had felt bad about the picture, and that was inappropriate to ask for it, and that I deleted it so he wouldn't have to worry. I thought that by telling him all of this that A) he would realize that I actually liked him for more than sex. Because unfortunately a lot of the female co-workers we were worked with, wanted to have sex with him, and I admit that so did I and that is all I wanted, and that is why I continued to send him texts about sex. But then like I said, I realized I actually LIKE him and want more from him than sex or physical things and that is why I told him I was sorry for asking for the pic. B) I also thought it would make him feel less vulnerable about a picture like that being "out" there.

 

I didn't think it would hurt his ego. And maybe I did give him the vibe that I was turned off when he asked if I wanted him to resend it, but I honestly did not want him to send it again, so I thought I was being honest by telling him "no". Idk oh well.

[lostnscared]

He sounds like a really nice guy but you basically ruined it by asking for a penis shot. You demanded the penis shot, and you are asking us if what he did was strange? Seriously now...

 

Ahhh so you are doing a bait n' switch, eh.

 

He is not acting strange. You are. Basically.

 

If you liked this guy in any capacity, didn't he deserve better than getting drunken sex texts with the intention that you were going to get rid of him after getting a little of that?

 

You like him more than that, you realize, but you screwed up. Nope, you can't delete it and go back. To head shots and expect him not to be confused and a little hurt. You are yanking him around. And now you brought the almight PENIS into play...not good.

 

You are stuck with Mr. Penis now and even if it goes to anything different, you'll always remember you drunk texted him and got a penis shot. You wanted it, you got it.

 

Well he doesn't know that I was going to have sex with him then move on... I was honest with him, in that I did not want a relationship. So I did not lead him on. Matter of fact one night he told me that he wanted to fall in love with me, and I told him "no don't because I'm an emotional mess and I'm grieving my mom right now"(that was over a month ago).

 

And I was drunk--haven't you ever done something that you regretted when you had too much drink? I had liquid courage and I was horny so I asked for the pic, but when I was in my right mind I realized it was wrong. And when I saw it, I realized that it was degrading and inappropriate.

 

And even before the sex picture we talked dirty... I did initiate that and that might have been a mistake but at the time I DID just want sex so I was trying to be forward with him about it. So it wasn't like the pic was the point where things went wrong. I probably shouldn't have went there with him in the first place(talking dirty) but I have needs and I was very sexually attracted to him.

 

I haven't talked dirty to him in a while(matter of fact not since he sent me a picture of his penis) because I did start realizing that I might have been grieving improperly(turning to sex as a way to cope) so I stopped. He hasn't said anything about it... And I thought he would appreciate me wanting to see a picture of his face rather than his penis. I don't understand men..lol

[itsallgrand]

^The bait n' switch I talk about is everything is cool, you guys talk and get along, and then you bring sex into the picture. So he thinks...ok that's cool...and he goes along with it.

 

Now you switch it because you decided in your head that you like him more than that, and you are trying to reverse the momentum you built with sexting by going back to how you were before. You decide he shouldn't want to send you penis pics anymore...but why not...since he still DOESN"T KNOW you want something more with him now.

 

You can't assume he knows what you want just cause you put the brakes on the sex texts. You have to outright tell him. If that is what you are going to pursue, an actual relationship.

 

Is that what you want?

[HeartGoesOn]

It sounds like you had a good shot of having a healthy relationship with a decent guy, until you asked for that pic. Not to sound rude, but isn't that a type of High School behaviour?

 

If you're looking for someone who will respect you, you have to show that you respect yourself.

[itsallgrand]

^oh boy, exactly.

[lostnscared]

^The bait n' switch I talk about is everything is cool, you guys talk and get along, and then you bring sex into the picture. So he thinks...ok that's cool...and he goes along with it.

 

Now you switch it because you decided in your head that you like him more than that, and you are trying to reverse the momentum you built with sexting by going back to how you were before. You decide he shouldn't want to send you penis pics anymore...but why not...since he still DOESN"T KNOW you want something more with him now.

 

You can't assume he knows what you want just cause you put the brakes on the sex texts. You have to outright tell him. If that is what you are going to pursue, an actual relationship.

 

Is that what you want?

 

I did outright tell him last week matter of fact. I told him I want companionship and intimacy. Whereas before I just told him I wanted a "friend". Last week I was honest and I told him that I'd like for us to talk over the phone, text, develop a deep friendship and have intimacy as well, but not sex until we were "comfortable" I told him I didn't know exactly what to label it because I still don't want a relationship. He seemed alright with it. Then last weekend when we were talking that is when I brought up the picture. But prior to that, I did let him know I wanted more than sex.

[lostnscared]

It sounds like you had a good shot of having a healthy relationship with a decent guy, until you asked for that pic. Not to sound rude, but isn't that a type of High School behaviour?

 

If you're looking for someone who will respect you, you have to show that you respect yourself.

 

That's the thing, the last time I dated was when I was in HS, I was with one guy since I was 17--I'm 25 now. I don't know much about the dating game. And again at the time I wasn't interested in a relationship in any capacity with him. I just wanted to have sex with him. I know it sounds crazy and immature but that was all I wanted. And to be frank I wasn't the only one, there were several woman at the job we worked at(I no longer work their since my moms passed and since I moved) that wanted to have sex with him. So is it so odd to just want that and not want a relationship even if might be a healthy one? Of course overtime, after talking with him, and getting to know him, and thinking about things I realized I wanted more, but that was after the "sex" text had been sent. And yes I realize it wasn't respectful to ask for that pic. Which is why I felt degraded and disgusted when I saw it. I knew immediately that it wasn't right. And that is why I deleted and apologized to him this weekend. But at the time of the text I didn't care if all he wanted was sex, because that was all I wanted anyway...

 

Now that's not the case, but anyway thank you.

[tiredofvampires]

You kind of wanted to just have sex and "be done with him", even though he wanted more than sex with you.

 

You lured him into the sex talk. And he didn't object, so you kept upping the ante.

 

So he played along and along the way, sent you a penis shot because both of you agreed, as per your own request.

 

Now you think it's gross and questionable that he did that.

 

And you think YOU'RE the one who should be worrying about "red flags"?

[thePuma]

I think the original poster is getting a lot of unnecessary judgement. She already admitted to have acted inappropriately, what she wants to know is whether this guy's behavior looked strange, and to that I say yes.

 

Am I the only one to think that this guy sounded a bit weird? For someone who wasn't interested in sex with her, he's suddenly too worried about her having a picture of his genitals. We all know that the penis is important to men, but really, she already admitted to being drunk at that time why did he have to insist?

 

I think both the OP and this guy need to make it clear on what they exactly want relationship-wise and sex-wise. This guy sounds like he has been avoiding the sex topic but he is obviously very sexual, this could clash with the OP's interests if she's not that into sex anymore.

[ConservativeM]

You are looking for a mature relationship but you are trying to find the maturity of your boyfriend just by your immature act. You should not judge someone just by single act where what was the consequence you know better.

It is easy to someone to step back but it may not easy for your boyfriend.

[lostnscared]

Everyone,

 

It isn't the FIRST penis pic that gave me the red flag, since I requested it--sure I was surprised when he agreed and even more surprised that he sent it, but I didn't think it was a red flag because I had ASKED him for it. But this last time when we talked and AFTER I told him I deleted the picture and WHY, the fact that he would insist on sending ANOTHER penis picture was what I found a red flag.

 

Yes when I saw the penis pic and came to my senses I did find it gross and degrading but knew it was my own "doing"--so I deleted it and didn't bring it up to him again until this prior weekend.

 

But I guess at this point from what you guys are saying him wanting me to have the penis pic again is no more strange and degrading than me requesting it in the first place, so I guess thank you for the advice.

[lostnscared]

This is pretty much what I was getting it.

 

I'm not stupid so I didn't necessarily believe him when he first told me that he wasn't interested in sex with me and wanted to get to know me, etc--I knew if presented with the opportunity that would all go out the window if I told him I wanted to have sex LOL. Which is why once I started initiating the sex talk with him, and he started to respond it to it I thought it was funny that before he was like "oh sex can wait, etc" and now he was game for it. But I'm NOT feeling strange about the FIRST pic, it's when we talked about this weekend and he wanted me to have it AGAIN after I explained to him that it was inappropriate and degrading in the first place that I found it strange. But this isn't the first time I felt that way. My last day of work back in December, a massage therapist came to our job and she was explaining how she massages and did some "examples" on people and then told us that it was normal for some people to become aroused during the massages--that she's had men become erect, woman orgasm, etc. She said matter of fact, it's quite common that when she massages men that they end up erect. To which my response was "Don't you find that pretty gross?"(The reason I said this is because I found it gross to be massaging a random person and then they become hard). And she was like "No it's natural" And I guess the repulsion showed on my face, because the guy I was dating gave me a weird look and said "You find an erect **** disgusting?"

 

I didn't respond to him..

 

Another time after I had engaged him in the sex talk, he told me he was a "freak" in the bedroom but wouldn't really explain what that meant. I got a strange feeling then too. And then there was another time, when I told him that I had messed around with a few woman when I was with my ex(it was an open relationship somewhat lol) and he wanted to know the things I did and I was honest and told him but I also told him that I did not give the particular girls I messed around with oral and did not feel comfortable with them giving me oral either--and his only response to that entire conversation was "AW, well would you be okay with me eating you out?"

 

And I got that weird feeling.

 

Maybe this all signs that he is too sexual for me? Or maybe I'm prudish?

 

I mean the only guy I ever had sex with was my ex and the last time I dated PRIOR to my ex was when I was 15-17. I don't think I'm doing this dating thing right lol.

[lostnscared]

You are looking for a mature relationship but you are trying to find the maturity of your boyfriend just by your immature act. You should not judge someone just by single act where what was the consequence you know better.

It is easy to someone to step back but it may not easy for your boyfriend.

 

He's not my boyfriend...

 

And I wasn't really looking for a mature relationship at the time when we were first dating. I just wanted sex. Of course later on that changed. And I'm not necessarily judging him by him wanting me to have another picture of his penis, I just wanted to know if it was strange that he was so intent on me having it. And maybe it's like what everyone has been saying--I can't "go back". I opened a can of worms by talking about sex with someone and asking for a picture of "it" and now I'm wanting to go back to where things were before and it probably just ain't gonna happen lol.

[Not a rookie]

Well the whole thing stooped to such a level so I think it is ok that he asked that. Guys will respect you as much as you respect yourself.