Would you be offended?

[Not a rookie]

I am friends with some men whom I met through work and other acquaintances.

First of all, the behavior that I am going to talk about here applies to some of them not all.

Most of these men have girlfriends.

I have posted on their FB walls congratulating them on occasions such as birthdays, graduations and Christmas, wished them happy holidays or a happy birthday. I have not posted anything else and we rarely send messages to each other but we often see each other professional business events. We also sometimes meet up for lunch or coffee.

I have not received a personal thank you and I also realized that my post wishing them happy holidays or happy birthday was removed.

When I asked them why they removed my post, they all responded with the same reason: My post wishing them a happy birthday/happy

holidays was not removed but they were hiding my posts. One sent me a screenshot to explain. They all further explained that they hide other posts on their walls. However I realized they do not hide posts from other men, but only from women.

So it seems they hide posts from their girlfriends.

A couple days after my posts, they all put up blanket status update on FB such as "Thanks to all my friends for wishing me happy holidays, I wish them the same..."

Now these men are not total strangers as we have met on other occasions and they have asked me if I can find them a job or special information about their work. They also told me many details about their personal lives.

So my question is: If you had a friend like that, would you be offended if your post on his wall wishing him a happy birthday/happy holidays was ignored and he/she in turn hid your post, and then posted a generic update "thanking everyone".

[onelittleladybug]

Yes I would be offended and hurt as I feel that when I am friends with a guy, he should behave towards me just like any other buddy that deserves his time and attention. I would be seriously hurt actually.

 

Sounds like your buddies have some issues with women (because they hide only the posts from women not men). Is that possible? In any case if they are hiding your wall posts they are not real friends, not even friendly.

[RedDress]

I'm not offended, in general, if I don't get a personal "thank you" for wishing someone happy bday on FB. Why? Because most people are wished a happy bday by about 50 different people! It's kind of crazy and I don't expect them to take over an hour responding to everyone. A "like" on my wish or a group thank you via status update is enough for me. That definitely won't get my panties in a bunch.

 

Happy holidays? Eh... it's about the same thing. Maybe I expect a response a little more because it's a little more rare. I guess it depends if it looks spammy (ie: a picture or a generic "happy holidays") or if it was a deliberate "happy holidays, Joe! I hope you are well", etc.

 

As far as hiding your posts? That's crazy. Clearly they have some serious relationship issues. Maybe they are dating someone super insecure. I'd definitely pass judgement on their relationship if they felt they had to do that... I'd lose respect for them a little for being in such a stifling relationship... I'd feel a little hurt, but mostly I would feel pity/sympathy. I'd stop writing to them all together - and yeah - it would probably affect our relationship a little. I mean... if his girl is THAT insecure that she can't see a "happy bday", then clearly he should not be going for lunch with me, yanno? So, I'd respect that and just cut them off a little.

[dion333]

they have trust issues. They don't sound very rounded!

[Edmund Exley]

I think it has little to do with you and more to do with not wanting to upset significant others. My wife gets mildly upset from time to time about women posting otherwise innocent messages directly on my wall. Easier to avoid conflict with the wife then have to defend what amounts to just a friendship. Perhaps some of these men have already had to explain your just a coworker to their wives/GFs.

 

I know I have dealt with women who have fears of office related friendships because thats where a lot of infidelity starts. There are men with the same fears. We are with our coworkers 8-12 hours per day, 5 days a week, thats often more than we get to spend with our SOs. I'm not implying thats your interest or intent, just offering an explanation.

 

As for the general "thanks for the birthday wishes" blanket statement, most people do that. I had hundreds of birthday wishes on FB last birthday. While I appreciate each and every one of them, I dont have the time to sit there and thank everyone all day long.

 

This is another problem with social media, people have different expectations on what others actions/reactions should be.

[Heather Dawn]

Hiding the post would MAYBE offend me, but not the generic post thank everyone - that's fairly standard on FB.

 

My boyfriend just had a birthday on Saturday, and there were messages from a couple of women on his wall - past co-workers or old school friends. Didn't bother me at all, so I'm not sure why your CW's girlfriends are so suspicious.

[Fudgie]

I would not be offended by the blanket, generic post thanking everyone. It's my understanding that most people do that. Many people have 100s of friends. They can't possibly sit there and address all of them.

 

As for hiding your posts, yeah, they are probably hiding them from girlfriends/wives. That's really messed up on the ladies' part. I mean, god, I couldn't imagine being that insecure, or having a partner THAT insecure. Maddening. I'm surprised that their SOs even "allowed" them to friend females that were not SCREENED and pre-approved by them beforehand! LOL.

 

It's sort of offensive, but if they are just casual acquaintances, I would just shrug it off. Sounds like a bit of a personal hell they live in in their relationships. Laugh it off and let them deal with it. It's sad.

[Not a rookie]

Thank you everyone, I appreciate everyone's advice and I gave everyone reputation stars.

I have placed some of these guys on my restricted list.

I did not want to delete them from FB cause obviously we still work together.