heartinlimbo Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 A guy that comes into my work introduced himself to me, in person after we had several conversations on the phone. Work and non work related. He called later and hit on me. Said he would like to get to know me better. I am married and so is he. Me for 30 years and him for 20. He came back one day and we chatted for a few minutes, again work & non work related stuff. After that, everytime he would call he would make extra effort to chat as long as he could. I messed up.....We arranged to meet for lunch one day while I was off work. He sat in his car for about 2 hours talking and making out like 2 teenagers on a date. (He is 50 & I am 51). He really liked my kisses. After that the tone was set. We talked about meeting again and maybe going to dinner. He has never offered to give me a cell phone number and I have not given him mine. I can only talk to him when he calls from is job..Some times it may be 3 or 4 days in between times we talk. One day he called and I told him I had cold feet about this "relationship" and ask him if he felt bad about it. He has told me that his marriage is dead, and that him and his wife have not had sex in almost a year. (Pretty typical story I am sure).I told him that my husband and I dont have sex either..... I kinda got mean with him one the phone and he mildly tried to calm me down alittle bit.. We finally hung up. I felt like crap and was bummed out for the way I spoke to him. After all he just called to chat. The next day he called to check on me and to see if I was okay. He said that he felt that he was a problem in my life and I told him he wasn't. I told him I had had a bad day and that I hated that I dove into him verbally like that. I told him that I liked him alot and that I would be there for him too, had the situation been different and he was upset about the "relationship". He told me that if we go further in this thing he would be fine with it or if we were just friends he would be okay with that too. He also said "don't change your routine at home and make your husband suspicious of anything". I said I know... After a few more words we hung up. That was 3 days ago and he hasn't called. He I am being stupid and wondering if I will hear from him again. I like him, but feel stupid and foolish for doing this. I just cannot convince myself that I am being used... Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 You are being used. And stop cheating. If you don't want to be faithful to your husband, get a divorce. Link to comment
sammy6150 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 You are being used. And stop cheating. If you don't want to be faithful to your husband, get a divorce. yes, please dont cheat on him even if he a a-hole , the pain these causes is not good, end it first if thats what youwant,,, dont cheat sam Link to comment
Lambert Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 30 years is a long time.... I say take this energy and focus on your marriage. Get making out with your husband!! Link to comment
RedDress Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 He has told me that his marriage is dead, and that him and his wife have not had sex in almost a year. If his relationship is dead, he should get a divorce - not run around cheating and lying to his wife. Besides... if it's dead, why would he care if she found out? Cheating does not solve any problems. It just makes more of them. I mean - eventually he would have to leave her to be with you if you were to make a go of it, right? So why not do it now in a respectful way, rather than in a devastating way. That goes for you too. Link to comment
heartinlimbo Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 I know you guys are right.....Thanks This guy told me too that he has never had an affair before. I would like to know the real reason why his marriage is dead. He has told me many times that he doesn't want anyone, us or our spouses, to get hurt in this thing and that we need to be honest with each other. That just will not happen!! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I know you guys are right.....Thanks This guy told me too that he has never had an affair before. I would like to know the real reason why his marriage is dead. He has told me many times that he doesn't want anyone, us or our spouses, to get hurt in this thing and that we need to be honest with each other. That just will not happen!! You will never ever know honestly why his marriage is dead. Link to comment
heartinlimbo Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 He told me that he stays in his married because of his wife's grandkids..(he is not their real grandpa)..That is a pretty lame excuse to stay if he is not fulfilled, if you ask me....He works about 6 days a week and isnt home alot anyway, or so he says... what difference does it make about the young kids. . For my sake that since this thing is so early in the game I hope I can walk away okay... If we had had sex, what I mess I would be... I'm sure.. Thanks again Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 He told me that he stays in his married because of his wife's grandkids..(he is not their real grandpa)..That is a pretty lame excuse to stay if he is not fulfilled, if you ask me....He works about 6 days a week and isnt home alot anyway, or so he says... what difference does it make about the young kids. . For my sake that since this thing is so early in the game I hope I can walk away okay... If we had had sex, what I mess I would be... I'm sure.. Thanks again He's feeding you a classic excuse. If it's not the "grand kids," it's "the marriage was over years ago," "we haven't slept together in years," etc etc. Other than that, you're far from being used, as you're consenting to be involved with a married man, despite the fact that you're both married. Either way, you need to make a decision before this back fires, and it will. Link to comment
heartinlimbo Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 He's feeding you a classic excuse. If it's not the "grand kids," it's "the marriage was over years ago," "we haven't slept together in years," etc etc. Other than that, you're far from being used, as you're consenting to be involved with a married man, despite the fact that you're both married. Either way, you need to make a decision before this back fires, and it will. Thank you for what you said. I agree with you 100%. Looking at the situation based on your words here, I would reap what i sew... I haven't hear anything from him since the day he checked on me after I was upset, (right at almost 1 week ago), so I am taking that as a good thing. Hopefully he has taken it upon himself to seek someone elsewhere. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Thank you for what you said. I agree with you 100%. Looking at the situation based on your words here, I would reap what i sew... I haven't hear anything from him since the day he checked on me after I was upset, (right at almost 1 week ago), so I am taking that as a good thing. Hopefully he has taken it upon himself to seek someone elsewhere. You need to learn from this and stay strong. He had you pegged from the first conversation and went about slowly pulling you into his web. This is not his first rodeo, he knew just how to get you expecting his phone calls and liking the extra attention. He says he is okay about taking things further or just staying friends. Riiiiiiight. If you do not take things further, he is gonna disappear. He was into this for the chase and the thrill and the bonus of playing with your heart. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Why aren't you dealing with your marital issues? Link to comment
heartinlimbo Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 You need to learn from this and stay strong. He had you pegged from the first conversation and went about slowly pulling you into his web. This is not his first rodeo, he knew just how to get you expecting his phone calls and liking the extra attention. He says he is okay about taking things further or just staying friends. Riiiiiiight. If you do not take things further, he is gonna disappear. He was into this for the chase and the thrill and the bonus of playing with your heart. Thank you for what you posted. You said "stay strong". Are you saying this because maybe he will try and contact me again? I know you cannot speak for another person, but maybe based on habits of married men??... I don't want to let my guard down and let him think he can worm his way back in. It has been right at 2 weeks now since he last called and I am doing okay.. working on moving on and seeing now red flags that he was waving that I was too blind to see. I may have to be polite based on doing business together, but I want to and will stay firm, direct and no chit chat. This is something I just cannot do, be a partner in an affair. Link to comment
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