She broke up... But do I still have a chance?

[skyecko]

Synopsis

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My girlfriend is married with 2 kids. Husband moved out of the house 4 months ago. She says she does not love him and will get a divorce. She is also working on her citizenship through him. But she will not divorce until that is completed.

 

Timeline

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1. Me and my girlfriend got together Dec 14th and had a whirlwind romance. Everything perfect.

 

2. After a little time she started distancing herself and calling/texting less. This caused me to panic.

 

3. She then asked for space. I tried but had difficulty giving it to her.

 

4. She said she was really busy but text/called occasionally every day or so.

 

5. I didn't give her space again. So on Monday she said she just wanted to be friends. She said she cannot have a relationship with me because of everything going on in her life. I said alright.

 

6. On Wednesday, I went to see her again at her workplace to give her a card. She told me that she had talked with the immigration lawyer and he had told her that her husband needed to move back into the house because they might check. She said that whatever we have has to stop; that she has other important things to think/take care of and that she wants me to stop all communication except that related to our jobs. I asked her to come back to me when she was ready and that I would wait for her. I also asked if she could send me a text every now and then to let me know how she was doing.

 

7. She replies with the following text:

 

Thank You for giving me the time and space I need, yes I want to know too how you are and say hello sometimes but for me is really hard to be just friends after of what we had, but for me I think is better if we just limit our conversations work related I'm loosing you right now because this is how it need to be, because I know if we meant to be together it don't matter how much time will pass we will end up together, but for right now we just can't do it. I don't know if I'm clear but like I told you already about my priorities. I don't want to hurt you on any way I care about you and always will be thinking on you.

 

8. I reply that I would be here for her when she was ready to come back. And that I really cared for her. She didn't reply to my last text. Today is Friday. I didn't expect her to reply because she had already said no contact. She is a pretty straighforward and honest person. She is a super sweet out-going person with great values.

 

Based on her text what is the likelyhood that she just needs time to take care of her things before coming back? Or is there no chance?

[Edmund Exley]

I think the best thing you can do is distance yourself from this situation. She has A LOT going on, and obviously a new relationship is the last of her concerns, and she made it pretty clear in her text.

 

No one can predict if there is no chance ever, but I wouldnt hope for anything anytime soon.

[Edmund Exley]

Just went and read some of your previous threads. If you are in the U.S.A (I assume you are as you mentioned her trip to Vegas), she has been married long enough to go way beyond immigration issues for no longer living together (2 years was the requirement when I married my ex wife in 2003). If thats the case, I dont think she is being truthful with you.

[skyecko]

Well I knew about the immigration issue about 2 weeks after we met. So I don't think she is lying about that. She told me they have been working on that for some time now; and the lawyer is telling her to hold off the divorce because of the new laws that might be passed gives her a chance to get her papers.

[nutbrownhare]

She's got a lot going on - enough to cause anyone an awful lot of stress. To be honest, though, I wouldn't try dating ANYONE so soon after a marital breakup. She won't have had a chance to process all the emotions, heal and then move on.

 

And that's without all her complicated personal circumstances.

 

I'd back off from this one for the foreseeable future, and find someone who's genuinely available.

[FrenchFries]

Whatever the case, she has asked that you limit communication to work related contact only. Don't try to force it beyond that. You would be much better off finding someone who is available. She's got too much going on to make you any kind of priority, as she has said.

[happyfrank]

Stop pushing. makes you look desperate. She just wants to keep it professional with you. Just leave it at that.

[Edmund Exley]

Going all the way back to your thread on Jan 8th, you have always put more into this than her. You also seem somewhat possessive of her which is probably another issue being shes just getting out of a marriage and the last thing she probably wants to feel is possessed. I really think you better start listening to what shes been telling you for close to a month and let her go.

[skyecko]

Based on her text this is what I am hearing:

 

I need space. It doesn't have anything to do with you. I have too much going on and a relationship will complicate my life right now. Relax and give me the space I need and I will come back to you when I free.

[rosasnyder811]

You have no business being with someone that is married, period. I don't care if she's getting divorced. She is still married, and on top of that has children. It was wrong of you to get involved. Back off and let her do the right thing first.

[Edmund Exley]

Based on her text this is what I am hearing:

 

I need space. It doesn't have anything to do with you. I have too much going on and a relationship will complicate my life right now. Relax and give me the space I need and I will come back to you when I free.

 

Give her what shes asking for and leave her alone, but do yourself a favor, don't wait around for her to "be free" because from reading you threads, that aint gonna be anytime soon.

[happyfrank]

Based on her text this is what I am hearing:

 

I need space. It doesn't have anything to do with you. I have too much going on and a relationship will complicate my life right now. Relax and give me the space I need and I will come back to you when I free.

 

But she never said Relax and give me the space I need and I will come back to you when I free. Just move on.