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So me and my ex broke up late Sept that just past. I left him, even thought I didn't want to, the way he was making me feel was horrible and I knew it was for the best. I left him on good terms because I still care for him immensely and hoped to be friends in the future, or hoped he'd realize things and want me back and try again. So at the end of Nov he contacted me after 2 months of no contact saying he misses me and even if I don't want him back, he wants me to be a part of his life. As soon as I got that text we met up right away late at night and we told each other we loved each other and made out and just hung out. I told him I love him but I can't take him back unless I see how he has realized things because I don't want to get hurt again. He told me he did realize things, and I asked him what he realized and he just said he can't describe it in words, which threw me off, but I accepted his answer anyways. Later my guess was right, and he couldn't tell me what he realized because he didn't realize much. He just felt lonely and needed me back.. he was just being selfish once again. He kept blowing me off when we had plans to hang out, that's what he always did, he always kept me waiting. So I waited until 5pm for him to call me, and he didn't. He was just sitting on Facebook. I said "hi", he said "hey what's up?" I said "nothing really just waiting for you," and he said "oh well that's your problem." So I flipped out on him and we got into a huge fight. He told me I need to go back to therapy and that I never changed. (He made me believe I needed therapy, and I actually went). And I told him I never needed it in the first place, I just needed to leave him because I was happier without him making me feel like **** and that he's selfish and manipulative. I told him I needed to get over him, and I can't just be friends with him, because ever since we started talking again, I was starting to get depressed again because he never changed. He then deleted me off of Facebook. And I asked him if he could at least change his profile to private and he said he won't do any favours for me. So I just blocked him, so I wouldn't look at his profile.


2 months later.. I feel like I want to say happy b-day to him, Feb 11th. But I'm afraid to. I'm afraid he hates me and never wants to talk to me again. I'm afraid I'll ruin his b-day if I text him. Or I'm afraid he will say something to really hurt me and I'll end up dwelling on it for a month or so. I hate that we left on bad terms, I absolutely hate it! But I can't make things good with him again because then I'll just want him back. However I feel extremely bad if I don't wish him a happy b-day and I'm not even sure why.

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Take a moment and regain your pride. You actually asked him to make his profile private so you would not be tempted to look at it? And you did this with a straight face?


It is over. Control your thoughts and get busy with your own life. Forget about his birthday. Learn to break up and start something new with other people in your life. Everyone breaks up on bad terms. I know that you want him back but it is over. Wishing him a happy birthday would just make you look desperate. Please leave him alone.

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He probably expects a text from you on his birthday, which is exactly why you shouldn't send it. It sounds like he created this cycle of treating you badly, you being the doormat, him losing respect for you but still wanting to have power over you. Trust me, he has more issues than you ever will. Your main issue is figuring out why you let people treat you this way and finding a way to stop being a victim.


Maybe you miss the way things were at the beginning, before you knew how manipulative and cold he was. That wasn't the real him and I don't think he is ever going to treat you with love and respect.


Don't worry about whether or not you look desperate, there is no shame in heartbreak, even if he is a tool himself. Don't send him a happy birthday because you know it's just an excuse to get back in touch with him. He is going to use any excuse he can to make you feel bad about yourself because deep down he is insecure. Otherwise he'd have no interest in playing mind games with you and he would have cut you off a long time ago. Your desperation is like catnip to this guy.


Anyway, I don't think it's healthy to obsess over how he views you. Who cares about that when you aren't going to see him again anyway. Be good to yourself and refrain from contacting him because YOU love yourself and want to heal.

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No, you should not wish him a happy birthday and the why is very clear in your description of the relationship. It is not a healthy one whether it's just a friendship or more. This man was disrespectful to you and treated you badly then did that age-old trick that most manipulators, sociapaths and generally all-around bleepholes pull by implying you're crazy, because you don't accept his poor treatment of you. There is no reason to be friends with this person or let someone that toxic be in your life. You're already NC, just keep going and ignore any further attempts of his to contact you if he tries. Focus on healing and feeling good and not letting someone like this tell you you need therapy just because you want them to treat you like a human being.

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