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Confused - Need some help with roommate situation


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Firstly I’d like to apologize for the large amount of text. This is something that’s been bugging me for a while now and I really need to get this off my chest; many thanks for taking the time to read.


I first met this girl about a year ago when we were both English tutors at the local community college that we attended. When we both finished our two years at the community college, as it turned out we were both transferring to the local state university as well as moving to the university town. When she found out I was transferring to the same university, she asked if I wanted to consider being her roommate and sharing an apartment, and since neither of us knew anyone else living there, I obliged. We looked at some places, and we ended up moving into an apartment not far from campus with four other roommates that we didn’t know.


As the semester progressed, we spent more and more time together, and now we hang out pretty much every single weekday after classes. We constantly go out to eat, see movies, take walks through the park, do homework, and smoke a lot of herb together. Seriously, this girl became one of my best friends, but things between us started to get flirtier. She began to stare at me longer, playfully throw stuff at me, make flirty little jokes, always ask for help with homework, invite me everywhere (her birthday party for example) and always knock on my door to ask if I wanted to hang. It was almost never me initiating the hangout seshes because I really never had a chance to. She always beat me to it. Anyway, besides the above, a few more things made me suspect that she had an attraction for me:


• One of our roommates made a joke about us dating to her, which she brought up to me and said she thought it was funny

• A couple weeks ago she told me that the first time she ever talked to me was because she thought I was cute

• Told me that she “didn’t expect someone who looked like ‘that’ to be so nice.”

• When in my room, said “they [other roommates] probably think we’re up to something in here”

• “We could go to the local sauna, but people go there to have sex, though that’s not what we’d use it for”

• “How do you say ‘sex’ in Spanish? How do you say ‘horny?’”

• When studying Spanish together she had to describe a friend for homework “Jordan es muy guapo”


Rewind back to a week before school starts and she has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend dumped her when she moved, and though she likes to tell me how terrible he is, she had him spend the night last night, which, as I'm surprised to say, made me kinda jealous. She’s been pretty much separated from him this whole time, though I’m sure she’s been talking to him on the phone at least, so she obviously still cares about him. Why she’s been acting overly-friendly with me while still holding onto this guy, I don’t know. The thing is that I’ve felt myself getting closer to her this whole time, which I’ve vehemently fought because she’s my roommate and I don’t wanna crap where I eat. Nevertheless, in the past week she’s been treating me like I’m her ****ing boyfriend with all her nitpicking about stupid things and it’s pissing me off – for example, she told me I “need to learn how to be a real man” or some bull**** because I didn’t know where her windshield sprayers were on her car so she could knock the snow off of them (she didn’t know where they were either). Now that I see she’s getting back involved with her ex, and that she’s beginning to nag me about trivial things, I find myself losing the friendly attraction (as well as the romantic attraction) I’ve had for her, and thus the desire to spend time with her.


What the hell is wrong with this situation here? What does this girl want from me – friendship, or something more?


Is it normal to spend so much time with someone whom you flirt with while remaining platonic?


Does she want me to shove her against the wall and kiss her impulsively or something? Am I misreading her signals?


Why the hell is she nagging me about trivial things?


What the hell should I do?

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Until her ex is completely out of the picture... don't get involved with this girl. She's clearly not over her ex; especially if she had him stay over. Treat her civilly, but spend less time with her. Find other people to be around with. And she's criticizing you about HER car problem? Her own loss.

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I agree. While all of those signs look promising - it's all negated by the fact that she had her ex stay over just the other night. Think about it... normally when you like someone, you are always careful/worried about what they think of you, are trying to make a good impression, etc. For her to have her ex stay over - right in front of your eyes - she's either really, really not over him or not at all concerned with how you would take that...


She's a flirtatious person. That's all I'd take from all of that.


For what it's worth - some people don't know how to be opposite-sex friends without sending mixing signals. I think that's what's going on here. She's relating to you in that way because that's probably how she knows how to relate to men.


Keep the distance you need while she figures herself out. She's not over her ex.

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This is why I say don't get an opposite sex roommate. I would try to go out and meet women yourself so you have more options to choose from to date and go out with, etc, besides your roommate. If you are good friends and you talk, maybe you can tell her that you noticed that ever since she has gotten back together with Ex she seems snippier around you, are we cool?

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I'm thinking she wants friendship, with maybe a little bit of occasional flirting.

I think it's only normal if it's okay with the both of you.

Hard to say if she would want you to make an aggressive move towards her or not. She may be attracted and enjoy the attention, but maybe she wants to keep it where it's at.

She is probably nagging you about trivial things because you live together and are close so she feel comfortable enough to do so with you.

I would talk to her about how you feel. Do you have feelings for her in that way? Maybe it would be to figure out how you feel first. If you are losing your interest in her even as a friend because of all that, maybe you would find it too hard to keep being just friends. Maybe it has to be all or nothing for you.

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