so my girlfriend is upset...

[crazysabbath]

Me and my gf were having a text message conversation about not anything that important when my cellphone battery died. Instead of going and charging it right away, I skipped going to my room, and went to get a bottle of water and was planning on coming back to charge my phone. on my way back, i saw the basketball game on tv and decided to watch that for a little bit instead because it was a good game and ended up staying longer then i thought i was going to. when i came back to charge my phone and turned it on, i got a call from her. It went something like this, "Uhh hello, what happened?" -her. "oh, sorry babe, my phone died, I went to get a bottle of water and was going to come back to charge it when i saw the basketball game on tv, and just stopped to watch it instead" -me. "what the hell, what if something happened and we needed to get in touch with you and instead of charging your phone, you're being lazy and just watching tv for an hour" -her. "I really dont think it's that big of a deal, its not like i had the intention of doing that, it just kinda happened that way cuz i was just a little tired and actually kind of fell asleep on the couch, i didnt do anything that bad. you're not my mother, i don't need to be lectured right now" -me. "really? you didnt do anything that bad? then you, have a great day tomorrow" -her and hung up on me. At one point i even said, "im sorry, it wasnt my intention to do that, i just was tired and kinda fell asleep."

 

Keep in mind that i live in California, and am doing a semester "abroad" in DC, and I understand where's she's coming from with the whole not being able to get in touch with me thing, but isnt she over-reacting just a little bit?

[DN]

She completely over-reacted. A phone is a convenience not a leash.

[poetryandlyrics]

I agree with what DN said, word for word.

 

I personally would reconsider the relationship simply because I wouldn't like my partner to go " you" to me.

[crazysabbath]

thanks for the replies, but can i get a few more opinions on this? im really looking for a "whats the next step" kinda thing...

[Captain Obvious]

Firstly it depends on the conversation, if there was no pre-warning of your disappearence and you were texting every minute or so I would see it as a bit rude that you didnt return straight away. If it was just casual every 30mins then what you did is fine. The next step, Id just say that you didnt realised what you did would bother her, tell her next time youll charge your phone if youre having a conversation but that also the way she reacted (especially swearing at you) was not a good way to handle the situation.

[ChellyV]

Whatever it is, the F** word was uncalled for. This is very trivial. Initiate the contact and explain that henceforth, this isn't a good way to handle phone "situations".

[RedDress]

If it was only an hour or so that your phone was off, I agree that she was overreacting big time. The whole purpose of texting is to not be overly intrusive and so that you can answer when you are free. If she wants to talk, she should call.

 

The only thing that you could have done differently, IMO, is that you could have let her know that your phone was about to die when you saw it down to one bar. That way she's not left hanging and wondering... but she still overreacted.

 

I'm not sure what the next steps are, to be honest. I don't think you owe her an apology. She owes you one for flipping out. Maybe a conversation about "space" and "expectations"? Because she's being kinda clingy and overbearing.

[Heather Dawn]

It's kind of a little of this, a little of that. Some people feel like a text conversation is the same as a phone conversation - and if you were disconnected during a phone conversation, and then you got distracted and didn't call back, most people would call her justified in being annoyed.

 

That said, saying, " you" to you was uncalled for and definitely an overreaction. And, generally, for the most part, texting IS less formal than talking so there's definitely more of a gray area when it comes to the proper etiquette.

[Braveheart1]

Ok first of all sorry to hear about your situation. People pick up the phone and talk, the text thing is ok but when you both have the time, why not just call and hear each other's voice?

 

She is over reacting but also when an argument happens, never use bad words, it will make it worse. Keep your composure and talk to her. I'm sure she will understand. Cool your jets off first.

[HeatherB]

You were rude. You went silent in the middle of a conversation and she had no idea what happened. You decided to take a break from talking to her without letting her know first. Leaving her hanging. That's rude, so your sorry babe was a bit too casual a response to her. You gave an excuse without acknowledging how you inconvenienced her. So it wasn't really an apology. That would irritate most people.

 

So she got irritated and said something dumb. Then you said something dumb. Etc.

 

In general, when you inconvenience someone (whether it was intentional or not doesn't matter) the way to avoid a fight is to lead with concern for the other person. Wait on your excuse. It's so tempting to give the excuse right away because it seems like it should shut down the other person's upset, but it just never ever ever does. So trust me on this and hold your tongue. I've learned this the hard way.

[camus154]

You weren't rude at all. Sorry, but there is no such thing as a "text conversation". When you choose texting as a means of communication, then you need to accept the fact that you're communicating in the most convenient way possible--isn't that why everyone loves texting? Isn't that the whole point? So that you can "talk" when it's convenient for you, without interrupting whatever else you're doing? But take too long to reply, and watch out! Now you're not making someone a priority!

 

If I were you, I'd blow her off until she comes around with her own apology. Let the princess climb off her throne.

[PetiteGirl]

HER: "what the hell, what if something happened and we needed to get in touch with you and instead of charging your phone, you're being lazy and just watching tv for an hour"

 

YOU: "I really dont think it's that big of a deal, its not like i had the intention of doing that, it just kinda happened that way cuz i was just a little tired and actually kind of fell asleep on the couch, i didnt do anything that bad. you're not my mother, i don't need to be lectured right now"

 

It does seem like she overreacted. She was probably feeling worried and anxious that you disappeared. In addition, she didn't feel that she was a priority that, from her point of view, you chose watching tv over keeping in touch with her. I'm just speculating, but I could see how that may be a big deal to her. Just telling her that it's not a big deal and saying that she's not your mother only further invalided her feelings and escalated the issue. Her cussing at you did not help either. Instead being reactive and blaming each other, not aiming to resolve anything, both of you could learn from this and communicate more productively in the future.

[Captain Obvious]

You weren't rude at all. Sorry, but there is no such thing as a "text conversation". When you choose texting as a means of communication, then you need to accept the fact that you're communicating in the most convenient way possible--isn't that why everyone loves texting? Isn't that the whole point? So that you can "talk" when it's convenient for you, without interrupting whatever else you're doing? But take too long to reply, and watch out! Now you're not making someone a priority!

 

If I were you, I'd blow her off until she comes around with her own apology. Let the princess climb off her throne.

 

Disagree, the OP even used the words text conversation. Id say texting is close to phone calling for a lot of people, not everyone, of course.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I don't see where you did anything wrong. Texting is what you do when you aren't interested in communicating enough to actually call someone and talk. You said you were texting about nothing important, so there you go.

 

Texting is like email - you drop a line when you're free, they respond when they're free, repeat as necessary. If someone doesn't respond for a while, oh well, I guess they're busy. Life goes on, with or without SMS. She needs to grow up.

 

Now, if your last text said "hey, someone just walked into the library with something that looks like a bomb..." and then didn't respond for an hour...I would probably have a completely different opinion.

[HeatherB]

Sometimes texting is asynchronous and sometimes it's more like realtime chatting. The girlfriend wouldn't have even noticed his disappearance if they had been texting once an hour or something. I've had to text "phone dying back in a bit" plenty of times. You don't wander away midchat without warning and then not attempt to reconnect. And then blow off the other person when they call. As far as relationship sins go, it's completely minor. But in this case it did start a fight, which is really too bad.

 

I'm tired of guilty not guilty verdicts in threads like this. It doesn't matter who is the wrongest. What matters is how you repair the misunderstandings and mistakes that inevitably happen.

[Heather Dawn]

I don't see where you did anything wrong. Texting is what you do when you aren't interested in communicating enough to actually call someone and talk. You said you were texting about nothing important, so there you go.

 

Texting is like email - you drop a line when you're free, they respond when they're free, repeat as necessary. If someone doesn't respond for a while, oh well, I guess they're busy. Life goes on, with or without SMS. She needs to grow up.

 

Now, if your last text said "hey, someone just walked into the library with something that looks like a bomb..." and then didn't respond for an hour...I would probably have a completely different opinion.

 

I wouldn't say it's when you're "aren't interested in communication enough to actually call someone and talk." Texting can be a great way to touch base when you CAN'T talk. My boyfriend and I text on and off all throughout the work-day just to say hello, share tidbits about our day, etc. We can't be calling each other all day while we're working, so texting is the best way to stay connected till we get home and are together.

[RachaelRosen]

You didn't do anything wrong, she was out of line and overreacted a lot. I can understand getting aggravated but she disrespected you, calling you names and hanging up (I find it HIGHLY disrespectful to hang up on someone myself). It's immature and out of some sort of insecurity. To be honest it sounds like something I could do, and it's something I have done in the past. For me, some sort of insecurity was triggered. Doesn't make it ok, though.

 

Anyway, I don't think it's something worth dumping her over, as someone else suggested doing (now that's an overreaction), unless this is a set pattern that comes up all the time in other interactions. I would talk to her, frankly and without emotion, asking why she reacted that way and that she was disrespectful and that's not okay with you and say that hanging up in the future and calling you names like that doesn't sit well. Hopefully she'll apologize and she'll talk with you about why it happened, and how to remedy it.