ShyGirl12 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 We've been friends for almost 6 years now. I've always been extremely attracted to him and from what I know he's always felt the same way about me. Initially, it'd be fair to say that we were friends with benefits and we were both fine with that. He's very smart, and extremely funny but in the very beginning he explained to me that he's never had a real girlfriend and he wasn't too keen on the idea. I never was curious enough to ask why, I was fine with what we had. We lost touch and rekindled about a year (maybe two) later, but this time he was interested in going on a formal date. I naturally assumed this had meant he could have possibly had a change of heart about relationships, and because of how amazing of a man he was I was not against the idea. We ended up going on a date and it was great! I could actually feel a much stronger, much deeper bond forming between us. I noticed a lot of maturity and growth in his character and I was very pleased with this. However, he still expressed some concerns about relationships and feeling as though he just wasn't ready for one. This time I did ask questions as to why and he said that it was because he was afraid of commitment. Apparently, he's experienced things for himself and he's watched others go through crazy stuff. He just didn't feel as though he could handle it but he'd be willing to try because according to him I was "a wonderful girl that he feels he'd regret letting go of". We promised to take things slow between us, to see where things would go but we also continued our sexual relationship. Now a part of me feels as though I've made a mistake. From what I know (what he tells me), I'm the only woman he is seeing or sleeping with and he is the only man I am seeing or sleeping with as well. We act like a couple in every sense, but we aren't a couple. He speaks to me, treats me, and cares for me as a boyfriend would and I do the same for him. The only explanation that I can find for why he's against a title is that he isn't ready to have any sort of emotional obligation to me. At this point, he can still pull away from me and I don't have a right to feel upset. This is why I am scared. I feel as though if the feelings he had explained that he had for me were real that we would be together by now. We're already doing everything a couple does! Right now I'm compromising myself, and intensifying my fears of being hurt to tend to his fears of being in a relationship. It's been two days since we last spoke. There was a slight argument that came up between us and though it was nothing serious I feel like maybe this is when I should make a run for it. He has tried to contact me but I have been ignoring the calls. My feelings for him are genuine but I do feel like I'm setting myself up for a lot of pain talking to a man that is "scared" of a title but openly willing to accept and preform most if not all the duties that it requires... for now. Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Are there ever any happy endings in these kind of situations? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 he told you not once, but several times that he is afraid of commitment and does NOT want a girlfriend.. And you have not listened. "taking things slow" usually means "friends first" - get to know eachother, but you guys have known eachother for quite awhile and having sex, so really, what "taking it slow" means to him is the idea of commitment is something he doesn't want on the table. And you are willing to keep holding on. Of course he likes hanging out and having sex - how could he not? But he wants to be able to leave at any time and not get too deep on things. No...this won't have a happy ending unless you just like hooking up with a guy and not asking any more of him. Your instincts are right...RUN and find a guy who wants to find a girlfriend and future wife - you might not be the one, but at least you know if you do hit it off and want to take it past the first few dates that he has the same goals in mind. Or can at least say "NEXT" to eachother to find the right one unlike this guy. Link to comment
ShyGirl12 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Thank you abitbroken, I definitely needed to read that. I feel the more I hold on the more I lose my senses. It's logical. He's getting everything he needs without giving me what I want. I don't know why I tried to remain optomistic about him or us but I'm going onto day 3 of NC very strong. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Thank you abitbroken, I definitely needed to read that. I feel the more I hold on the more I lose my senses. It's logical. He's getting everything he needs without giving me what I want. I don't know why I tried to remain optomistic about him or us but I'm going onto day 3 of NC very strong. Good for you. Don't look back. And don't let him lure you back with a breadcrumb. In the future, NoO FWB hoping for more. be honest about what you are looking for with yourself. Link to comment
chickydoodle Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Definitely you need time apart - emotional and physical. Non comittal types can often change their mind when they lose the one they Love. And often it is too late for them..... I feel as though if the feelings he had explained that he had for me were real that we would be together by now. Go with your instinct - as painful as it may be. Right now I'm compromising myself, and intensifying my fears of being hurt to tend to his fears of being in a relationship Over time this will shatter your self worth, self esteem.......destroy you emotionally and physically. You know what you have to do. Do it now. Perfect timing for you. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I agree with abitbroken. Six years is enough time to know if you're the kind of woman he's looking for and wants to be with. And if you're not that's not about *you* or something that *you* are lacking. He's getting is in own way and that's *his* problem, not yours. I'd throw it back at him and tell him I'm really looking for someone I can count on so that I don't feel like the rug could be pulled out from me at any moment. If you feel like you're ready sometime soon, give me a call and if I'm still available, we can talk about what changed for you. Waiting and taking things slow is a wise choice....but 6 years and he's "not sure"....don't wait for him. You deserve better. Link to comment
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