I rarely meet people I am attracted to or like

[Staples 29]

As the title implies. I never meet anyone I am attracted to. EVER. I was attracted to my first boyfriend because he was cute and likeable but not the full on attraction. No sirreee. Consequently there was NO passion.

 

My second one was very soon after but the attraction plus we were just as passionate and curious as each other and the sex was AMAZING.

 

This was in the space of 6 years btw. So in 6 years I have only been attracted to 1.5 men technically

 

It's not like I don't meet men who aren't good looking who I find attractive. I am just not attracted to them. People usually say if you like someone's personality they become attractive to you. It doesn't work that way for me. I either do or don't. I could grow to care about you but not romantically.

 

I saw this guy once about June last year (while I was freshly heart broken) with a a group of acquaintances I meet from time to time and I thought he was the most beautiful guy I'd ever seen. I don't remember his face much now but I remember how I felt when I looked at him. And we kept looking at each other. Like our eyes met 3 - 4 times. That is the closest I have had to being attracted to someone else. Pretty strong also if I remember it up until now. Or most likely because it is so rare it is engrained in my brain.

 

I know it sounds silly but I feel like I won't find someone who I am attracted to and because of how rare it is, the odds that they will like me will be low Oh I don't know. I can't be the only one.

[Angler]

Have you met MattW?

[Staples 29]

Have you met MattW?

 

Lol... No.

[icecreamaddict]

Have you met MattW?

 

LOL! I read a lot of threads on here and thought the same thing...

 

OP, how old are you?

[SAButterfly]

OP, I'm kind of that way too. It takes me a LONG time to spark with guys. In my own case, I think it's because I keep myself closed off (due to being hurt in the past). My only advice is to not give up.. .keep putting yourself out there.

[force]

I know how you feel. I am not attracted to many either. If I do develop attraction for someone it usually slowly develops, like maybe i'll like their personality, then i'll start to physically like them. I can never look at someone new though and think I'm attracted to them, even though they may be attractive. I have to be emotionally attracted, then i'll find them attractive. I have trouble hanging out with new people or going out on dates because I'm not attracted yet so I think what's the point, I may never like them and there is too much pressure to. With me it seems I have to already be in love with the person, THEN go on a date with them, so I know it's smooth sailing and not a waste of time.

 

I'm wondering if your not over the guy who you were most attracted to...I know when I wasn't over my ex NO ONE else existed and I was very closed off

[Furbys]

There doesnt have to be an instant attraction. A lot of people develop feelings after they have gotten to know the person and spend time with them.

 

A lot of peoples relationships blossom from friendships, and sometimes they were not attracted to eachother in the first place but by spending time together they become attracted to eachother. One of my ex's i was not attracted to at first but i gave it a go and i developed those feelings after we spent a lot of time together.

[Ms Darcy]

It sounds like you are looking for infatuation and mistaking that for true love.

[ConfusedinVa]

We're similar. And no matter what people say to the contrary an initial attraction or spark is what defines the beginning of a relationship. It's not infatuation you're hoping for - infatuation is holding on to that spark when no other compatibilties exist. Don't let people insult you or insist that love can only grow from friendship. As I said, most relationships start with attraction, dating, relationship, courting, commitment.

 

I have found 2 men truly attractive in my life (2.5 if you count my husband). The first didnt have enough compatibility to make it work, the second I intend to hold on to. I've dated lots of men and had fun and companionship so that gets you past the worry that the right one won't come along. See if you can track down the guy from the party last year.

[meoww]

I'm in the same boat! Sometimes I'm instantly drawn to someone, or sometimes I'm not aware of how attracted I am until some time passes, but it's still so rare that I'm scared I'll never really fall in love, despite being very sexually experienced and having had many relationships. I've only had about two experiences where I can say I felt that overwhelming mutual attraction and after experiencing that I just can't ever go back to settling.

 

I actually think it's the opposite of infatuation...because for example, infatuation can cause you to tolerate or even enjoy sex with people you aren't truly attracted to, but once that wears off the relationship fails. I've totally developed infatuation after having sex with a guy a few times when I initially wasn't that into them. If I am actually attracted someone I don't look back years later in disgust or regret because the infatuation has worn off.

 

So I think your concerns make a lot of sense.

 

My advice is to just do your best to make it happen when someone good comes along! Don't worry about getting rejected because it will always happen occasionally, even to the most attractive people.

[Ms Darcy]

We're similar. And no matter what people say to the contrary an initial attraction or spark is what defines the beginning of a relationship. It's not infatuation you're hoping for - infatuation is holding on to that spark when no other compatibilties exist. Don't let people insult you or insist that love can only grow from friendship. As I said, most relationships start with attraction, dating, relationship, courting, commitment.

 

I have found 2 men truly attractive in my life (2.5 if you count my husband). The first didnt have enough compatibility to make it work, the second I intend to hold on to. I've dated lots of men and had fun and companionship so that gets you past the worry that the right one won't come along. See if you can track down the guy from the party last year.

 

I think this is precisely the reason so many people are single and unhappy into their 40s and 50s and beyond.

 

I suspect if in 30 years of life if you are only attracted to 2 men, that's an internal issue one might want to examine. I have had friends with fairly high expectations for men.

 

I think opening oneself up and open one up for increasing your attraction to others. Atraction is not stagnant and is significantly influenced by where you are in life and mentally.

[Staples 29]

I actually didn't realize people replied to this thread. Lol. I could have just checked - D'oh

 

I am 24 - going to be 25 this year.

 

And Confused inVA, I totally get what you mean. It might appear that i have a fairytale idea of what romance should be. I don't. I was in a relationship for 4.5 years and recently got out of one. I know a relationship is about love and compromise as well as two people who want to be together and are willing to work hard at it. I have quite a committed approach to love.

 

But I'm not talking about a relationship here as much as finding someone who I can be attracted to enough to get into a relationship with (both physically, emotionally and compatibility wise). See the difference. I think one of the issues is that I need to be with an emotionally complex man as I'll be more comfortable relating to them (I am not very comfortable relating to people on a personal level) - both my exes were my best friends.

 

But even at that, I just rarely meet men I care to spend time with; I can’t imagine going on a date with most really *mind numbing*

 

Like Force and Meow – After my most recent relationship (My rose tinted glasses have long since come off and I know I was genuinely in love with him – still am but looking to give myself to someone more deserving) I know anything less will leave me unfulfilled. It wasn’t perfect – far from it but I had never felt so happy or been more comfortable with a person.

 

It also isn’t about having high standards – I don’t care about a lot of things as long as I like the person – my first ex was short and chubby but still cute and he was just such a nice, wonderful person. My second ex was working class and well… I didn’t even know what working class was till I met him. They both highlighted these differences by the way.

 

I wish people would be a lot more flexible in thinking about how attraction and compatibility works for different people. I don’t rate people, I don’t call anyone ugly neither do I care about backgrounds and wealth. I just wonder if I’ll meet a person worth it. I’d much rather be single and old and lonely than settle for someone because people think I should.

[Ms Darcy]

Then be single. If you post on an advice thread people will assume you want advice. Nothing wrong with being single at all.

[Staples 29]

:S

 

Ms Darcy- I don't exactly see the point I am supposed to take from your reply.

 

I am being single. And I have taken everyone's advice or ability to relate to my situation soundly; least of all yours (Because you have alluded to the fact that I may have an internal issue when it most simply is that attraction and compatibility work differently for people). As my first post was the 21st of January I obviously have a lot of ground to cover in replies - so maybe this has muddled a bit but I am generalising and it is good to know other people feel the same as me 9as I've always wondered)

[countach360]

I've had the same problem my whole life. When attractive girls used to check me out, I never created the opportunity to approach. Now that I'm older and my social circle diminished, it doesn't happen as often. The few times I now come accross them, when I approach, nothing really happens. Yet the girls that have dropped hints at me, I'm not all that attracted to. And I'm not even all that picky. I used to think, it'd be nice to find someone that is physically attracted to me as much as I am of them. Some people have the luxury of not experiencing that problem, like celebrities for example. Lol.

 

For those of us that do, I think the important thing is to adapt mentally. Like in my case, to be blunt, an average looking girl that smells good and has a great personality, I would take that over a girl with perfect 10 looks any day. Definitely important to size up the prospect in its entirety and not just the face and body.

[SometimesShy]

If you truly know what you need to be happy, and are willing to wait however long it takes to meet someone with these qualities, then life just goes on... as you can't predict when you will meet this person.

 

Just make sure your list of "must have" partner qualities is as small as it can possibly be. ( my list has only 5 items on it )

[Staples 29]

Oddly enough I don't have a list or any particular characteristic I think my partner should have other than compatibility and being a decent person which I think are standard.

 

@Sometime shy - That is the attitude I have now. Due to my nature it has to be right. I am not even actively thinking of meeting someone. If it'll happen it'll happen.