paperboy48 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I recently asked my girlfriend (of three months) if she would mind if I bought her something from Victoria Secrets for Valentine's Day. We are in our mid-thirties...FYI. She said, "no, but you do realise that is a gift for you". What is that saying? She know that would not be my only gift to her... I guess I just wanted her to be excited about me buying her lingere. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 so in other words ....you get to see her in the undies you have chosen which appeal to you thus giving you pleasure and not her . selfish and ungrateful is what she is . Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 But it's not a gift to her. You want to buy it so she will wear it for you. Therefore it is a gift for you. She said she doesn't mind, but she doesn't sound like someone who cares for lingerie and doesn't feel obliged to pretend she is. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Your girl's making a big deal over a nice gesture. Sure the gift works in your favour, as you get to see them on her - but she will also be owning a pair of damm fine sexy leingerie that most girls would kill for anyways. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Your girl's making a big deal over a nice gesture. Sure the gift works in your favour, as you get to see them on her - but she will also be owning a pair of damm fine sexy leingerie that most girls would kill for anyways. this is what I mean ...its one of those beautiful gifts us girls can seldom afford to buy and its such a lovely luxury Link to comment
camus154 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 How excited do you really expect her to be when you come out and ask if she'd "mind" a particular gift, rather than simply getting it and surprising her with it (along with whatever else you had planned)? Stop seeking her approval for such things. Be spontaneous and do it. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Remember you really aren't buying it for her, it's at the end of the day, for you. So don't expect her to be over the moon about frilly underwear or a sexy bra - but she also shouldn't be ungrateful. Honestly I wouldn't like it if mh husband bought me lingerie. I'm very picky with what I like to wear so unless I gave him a few options that I knew I would enjoy, I just wouldn't want him to buy it. And lingerie too many isn't something 'special' - I'm capable of buying underwear and bras myself rather than my husband buying them for me. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Tbh, growing up around a lingerie store, if someone offered me Victoria's Secret underwear... just no. But if underwear isn't her thing, there's no point in expecting her to be overjoyed about it. If it's not her thing, it's not her thing. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Does she realize how expensive those things are? Link to comment
Firiel Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 What does the cost matter when discussing intentions? I don't think lingerie is a bad gift or a selfish gift inherently. But he asked her what she thought of it, and she told him. I personally like lingerie because it helps me feel sexier and more confident. But if she feels confident and sexy without it, then it is just to make her man more visually stimulated. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if he were to get it for her, knowing that she is not that into it, then it would be mainly for him. I think lingerie is typically a gift for both parties, making it an ideal joint gift to get for anniversaries or a nice thing for either partner to get just randomly throughout the year as a present to yourself and your significant other. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Here's my opinion I think it benefits you short term and her long term. Let's say if things didn't work out between you and her I'm sure she can still wear it for the next partner. In the past my ex's bought me boxers and I personally don't see it benefiting them. I view lingerie like an undergarment similar to boxers. If she doesn't appreciate it let her go commando or find yourself another woman that would. Link to comment
needhelp6 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 When you say lingerie do you mean a baby doll or garter with hose and a whip? The later I would agree would probably be more of a gift for both of you, OK you, however, a nice nighty, cami or slip type item would definitely be for her. Does she typically wear lingerie? My ex LOVED lingerie, favorite was La Pearla, although she had some VS items too. I can tell you whenever I picked some up for her it was definitely for her. Sure I enjoyed seeing her wear it but it was definitely a special gift for her that she loved. That's one thing I miss about my ex, she new how to dress for bed. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I think what some guys might be missing here is that lingerie, like any GIFT, can be liked or disliked by the receiver. Not all women like lingerie. A lot of lingerie can be downright uncomfortable. I get the sense that she would rather wear comfortable underwear than sexy underwear. So in my mind, she was telling him that she would wear it as a sexual tool FOR HIM but she's not going to break that out to wear on her own. It's not selfish or ungrateful. It is honest. Why should she lie and say she would like it if she won't? I had an ex-boyfriend get me an awful (uncomfortable) piece years ago because it reflected what he was into. I have never worn it again. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 well maybe I read it wrong ..but she said no she didnt mind him buying it ....but it was a gift for him and I think like any gift her response was selfish and ungrateful Link to comment
needhelp6 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Shooting, you're right, I went back and read it and she said "no" she didn't mind if he bought it. OP, could she have been playfully joking? That seems to make more sense. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Shooting, you're right, I went back and read it and she said "no" she didn't mind if he bought it. OP, could she have been playfully joking? That seems to make more sense. yeah it could have been said tongue in cheek I guess ...like yeah its a nice present but we know who will benefit nudge nudge wink wink Link to comment
happyfrank Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I reread it again. I think she is just teasing him. If she didn't want to wear it. She would of just said no don't bother or I don't like to wear that stuff. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I recently asked my girlfriend (of three months) if she would mind if I bought her something from Victoria Secrets for Valentine's Day. We are in our mid-thirties...FYI. She said, "no, but you do realise that is a gift for you". What is that saying? She know that would not be my only gift to her... I guess I just wanted her to be excited about me buying her lingere. I love getting lingerie but I also get what she is saying. It's a gift for you AS WELL. Lingerie for Valentine's? awesome. Especially if it's accompanied with some extra special attention - I mean romantic I'm a sucker for that stuff when it's genuine. I do think tho it is better to go ahead and surprise her with it, and make sure it is something in her taste. Example; if you love leopard print, but she is not into that at all, it would be unromantic to go and get her a leopard print set. It's the thought that really counts. If you are thinking of her - her tastes, what she likes, what she considers a treat, romantic (or not romantic, if that isn't what she likes, some girls might really love something totally different). Don't over analyze it. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Honestly this is why my husband and I give practical gifts on Valentine's day... Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Lingerie is a man gift. If a man was never going to see it on his SO ever in his life, he would not buy it for her. Now if the woman likes lingerie, that's great! But it seems there are more male lingerie fans than woman lingerie fans. That stuff is not the most comfortable of things to wear. Plus I find it kind of embarrassing parading around in bustiers and such. I had a boyfriend who used to buy this stuff all the time and I wore it for him but there was no pretending it was for me. It was for him and that was ok, so long as he acknowledged that. This sounds like what your girlfriend is thinking, maybe. Link to comment
Kamisaur Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I've bought some lingerie sets as gifts for him as me wearing them is going to give him pleasure. It's like buying her an xbox 360 but you're the only one that games. Yeah, it made me given to her but you're the one enjoying it. Link to comment
capilot Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Le sigh. I'll give it to you straight: There is NOTHING you can give to your girlfriend as a gift that can't be used against you. And probably will be. Cheap present? You're a cheapskate. Expensive present? You're wasting your money and making her feel bad. (I've had both complaints from the same girlfriend.) Once I bought a girlfriend a beautiful purse that was exactly what she wanted. While I was waiting for them to wrap it, I bought a pair of gold earrings on impulse as well. Got crap for two months over what an idiot boyfriend I was because I didn't realize that she didn't like gold. Aww, hell, I could go on for hours, but I won't. Look take it from me: your options are break up with her just before Christmas and find a new girlfriend after Valentine's day, or get used to being told what an insensitive clod you are for your crummy choice in presents. You can't win this one. More stories here: Link to comment
journeynow Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Actually, you could take her response as a playful tease. It's a gift you'll get to "unwrap". It could be a gift that keeps on giving...for both of you. Link to comment
journeynow Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 I have a friend who would give her husband gifts that she wanted him to have and would label them To him, For her. (instead of from, as in To Joe, For Jane). Link to comment
paperboy48 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Thank you all for the great feedback...so how to fix this: #1 Buy her lingere for V-Day as well as something else like a dozen roses (just an example) #2 Buy her lingere a week or so before V-Day, so it is somewhat spontaneous after posing the qst to her #3 Own up to my mistake, let her know I messed up by asking her and pose the option to her of going shopping for lingere together (a week or so before V-Day) #4 Skip the lingere for now...buy her something other than lingere for V-Day We extremely open communication, more than I have ever had with anyone else in this world. Link to comment
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