she says she likes me, but scared...

[ItsmeShane]

Ive been going out with this girl for a while now and she says she likes me a lot but she may not show it because she is scared and does not want to get hurt? I have asked her what she fears the most and she told me she is not used to the compliments that I give her, and all the nice things I say about her. Her ex husband wasn't like that. And one day I may wake up and realize she isn't worth it. Any advice on how to help her let go of that fear? I feel like it is holding us back.

[annie24]

I think that thus is all inner work that she needs to Do. She needs to work on her self esteem.

[MasterPo]

No real answer for you. Be yourself and watch your compliments, no sense in making her uncomfortable. Enjoy your time together and let her get to know you, assuming you are a stand-up guy. Sometimes just keeping your word, being proactive with her needs and being a safe harbor goes a long way.

 

I once sealed a relationship by making my bed. Kind of silly but she told me that if I took that time to properly make my bed and do it consistently then I was going to be a great Dad. LOL I was thinking.. "okay"... but talk to her, be observant and hopefully she comes around. Good luck.

[DN]

Tell her that it takes two to make a relationship work. If one person is holding back the relationship is out of balance and that will not allow the relationship to grow properly.

[ItsmeShane]

We have had a talk about relationships twice in the last few weeks and the second one was just the other night. I try to learn as much as I can from what she says so I can improve on things which will not only help her and I but help myself. I don't bring that topic up because I feel like its being forced and I want it to happen naturally.

[DN]

and is she making a similar effort?

[ItsmeShane]

I feel like she is but she has so much going on in her life that it makes it difficult at time. She does have a little girl and she has been divorced so I think that is a big part of it. That is a first for me on both accounts, An ex husband with whom she has a child with. Maybe her and I are going at different speeds. She has said stuff before that I caught like she is "testing the water." It seems to be like she really does have a legitimate fear of being hurt I just don't know how long that is going to last.