sasha12 Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 If a girl sleeps with a guy on the first date does the guy automatically lose respect for her? How long should a girl wait to have sex with the guy she likes before the guy will lose interest in her or lose respect for her? Link to comment
JonnyG Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Its kinda amusing that question. U could reverse it. Would u lose respect for a guy who would sleep with u on the first date? If i really like a girl and want a long term relationship, I would probably prefer to wait til I had known her for a couple of weeks and had seen her quite a few times before sleeping with her. Unless she intiated it first, I wouldn't stop it as it would be uncomfortable for both of us and heh, we both like each other anyway, but like i said, knowing each other a bit longer would be better. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Maybe you should think about this more from the girl's perspective. Would the girl feel bad if she had sex on the first date? (maybe...probably in my opinion). Also, if a guy loses interest in a girl because she's not having sex with him, then the guy is a jerk. A couple should wait as long as they want to until they are both comfortable having sex with each other. There is no "right" time for everyone...each person/each couple has their own timetable. Link to comment
pineapplegirl Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 GUYS, please answer this one...I'm interested in knowing too! Link to comment
Caldus Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 I'm not sure, but I think a lot of guys would think of it as a one night stand and it probably wouldn't go any further (it may though). Link to comment
phantom_ Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 for me personally i would take it as a sign of maybe(keyword being maybe) she's only after a good time and nothing else. but every situation is diffrent, if theres a real connection there..i wouldnt think twice about the significance of sex on the first date. however in most cases the 'getting to know one another' stage lasts at a few dates. i dont really care about the sex part per say, but if theres little to no physical contact like kissing or touching or whatever, then id lose interest within a couple of weeks for sure. like some previous poster said the sex can wait till both people are good and ready...however long that may take. Link to comment
pineapplegirl Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 >Is it just me, or are we still living with the double standard that a girl that "gives it up" on the first date is a "gardening tool", but a guy that wants it on a first date (or gets it on a first date) is a stud? >I'm tired of the standards set up by this puritannical society. If a woman is horny, she should be able to hook up and walk away the way men do right? ](*,) >I guess I'll never understand. I hope more guys post on this one. I'm still interested to find out... Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 I'm not a guy, but I'm going to post anyway. I have this female friend who is good looking and she knew this guy from work, but they only talked professionally at work. He finally asked her out and after they went to dinner they went back to his place and had sex the whole night. She said it was amazing like the best sex she's ever had. Then they started dating and the relationship lasted 2 yrs. This guy was crazy about her the whole time. He was quite a bit older than her. She was 21 at the time they hooked up and he was like 37 yrs. So it can happen. The bad thing about having sex with someone on the first date and wanting it to turn into relationship is that you skip that getting to know you stage and rush into physical intimacy. It doesn't allow the relationship to blossom in other areas like emotional intimacy. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 The bad thing about having sex with someone on the first date and wanting it to turn into relationship is that you skip that getting to know you stage and rush into physical intimacy. It doesn't allow the relationship to blossom in other areas like emotional intimacy. I've always "thought" this too, based on what I've read in magazines, etc. But I was never really sure if it was true. Bally, do you have any insight into why you think this? A possible hypothesis I have is, once the sex happens, it is always there. And detracts from the opportunities to have long conversations, etc., instead. On the other hand, physical intimacy is a form of showing affection and caring, so maybe it adds to the emotional intimacy. Pineapple Girl, I hear you and agree with you. And I thumb my nose at many of society's double standards! Link to comment
wanderer Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 i would think it would be better if you didn't do it on the first date... it makes the guy more intrigued and makes him work for it i guess. plus you do run the risk of him thinking it's a one-night stand if you do. Link to comment
Michael36 Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 If a girl sleeps with a guy on the first date does the guy automatically lose respect for her? How long should a girl wait to have sex with the guy she likes before the guy will lose interest in her or lose respect for her? Considering how many guys have difficulty satisfying women sexually, I think the more relevent question is: will she lose respect for him when she discovers how "inadequate" he is? If it turns out that he's not inadequate, and that he loses respect for her the next day, then as long as she's physically attractive, she'll be able to rebound from that fairly quickly. All she has to do is dress up sexy, go to a club and just stand there, and before long one guy after another will start hitting on her. It's not nearly as easy for a guy to rebound from a situation like that, because he's usually the one who has to do all the pursuing. Women don't seem to realize how much better they have it than us when it comes to sex. As long as they look good, they're the ones with all the power. Thus, in most cases, it's the guy who should be concerned about not being respected the next day, not the girl. Having said all that, I would say, in response to your question, that a girl should probably wait at least a few weeks before having sex with him. If he only sees you as a sex object, then he'll probably start acting a little frustrated after the 3rd or 4th date, at which point you'll know he's likely to lose respect for you after sex no matter how long you wait. Link to comment
pineapplegirl Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 she'll be able to rebound from that fairly quickly. All she has to do is dress up sexy, go to a club and just stand there, and before long one guy after another will start hitting on her. >That would work if the woman was really just into it for SEX, but some women confuse sex with love... I see your point though. it's the guy who should be concerned about not being respected the next day, not the girl >In what world does that happen??? Link to comment
Michael36 Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 it's the guy who should be concerned about not being respected the next day, not the girl >In what world does that happen??? Sorry to have to beat a dead horse, but it happens in the world in which the average male is one to two inches smaller than what the average female considers to be an ideal size. In other words, this world. Link to comment
asdf Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 if you want a short term thing, it's cool. for a longer term relationship, you should probably wait out Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Sorry this isn't a male perspective, but I thought I would answer anyway. I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman sleeping with a guy on the first date - provided that she is in control of the situation and isn't confusing things. I think a lot of people have problems with mixing up love and sex, and this is where the problem is. If a guy is going to write me off as 'promiscuous' just because I sleep with him on the first few dates, then he's probably not the kind of guy I would see myself with long-term anyhow. I think that type of attitude is very antiquated, and I would probably associate that with him having other puritan values that would be too uptight for my way of thinking. I like to 'go with the flow' and not follow any rules in dating/ relationships. If it feels right, I go with it. Many mistakes have been made, but I have few regrets and a lot of good times to show for it. Some people view sex as being very special, which is great, but I think the really 'meaningful' sex comes later on - after you really know someone and have grown to love them. Link to comment
sasha12 Posted November 1, 2004 Author Share Posted November 1, 2004 In my opinion they are so many double standards to this concerning a girls reputation and all but I think it doesn't really matter how soon the girl has sex with the guy. If the girl is just only sleeping with him and not fooling around then that should be all the matters. Link to comment
pineapplegirl Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 >If a man stands his ground he is called "assertive", if a woman does the same thing she is a "bi%&h". If a man sleeps with a woman on the first date, he is a "stud", if a woman does it she's a "gardening tool"... >While men believe that "women" define sexual patterns in our society, men are also typically the first to judge and label women. Unfamiliar with the idea, read a little of Walt Whitman-the ideas have been around for A LONG TIME. >Our patriarchal society is a little confusing, and more so frustrating. Come on. Let's face it, sex is enjoyable (for most of us anyway). And, if a woman is condemned for enjoying sex and her sexuality then all you perpetuate is that woman are somehow not entitled to the same joys of life that men are, because truthfully women can have sex and walk away just as fast. In fact, the woman can walk away faster since she doesn't have to dispose of the condom!...But, given that, then maybe men should start sleeping with each other more, and quit labeling women... >Keep in mind, I'm not advocating promiscuity, I'm simply advocating a more level playing field where women should not be judged by the actions that men are applauded for... Link to comment
Cecelius Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 If a guy is going to write me off as 'promiscuous' just because I sleep with him on the first few dates, then he's probably not the kind of guy I would see myself with long-term anyhow. I think that type of attitude is very antiquated, and I would probably associate that with him having other puritan values that would be too uptight for my way of thinking. I want to ask about this. I agree with your position generally (not that you needed agreement from me). Are you saying there is such a thing as promiscuity and its less desireable? Or are you saying that that's just what goes on in the man's head? The only real world force that I can think of would be simple economics. If a woman that I don't know very well (rather, she doesn't know me very well) jumps into bed with me, I am not impressed with her unatainability and having those relations with her isn't really that big a deal (meaning, it's just not that exciting). I don't judge her, but I'm less likely to see her as a future long term prospect. Put another way, if I am dating more than one woman and one decides to move on to that materially earlier than the other, one will be scarcer than the other. I always assume that this was what people meant when they were playing hard to get. This is also by analogy sort of like how the nice boys on this board post about giving flowers and puppies and pledging eternal love on the first date and how girls don't like that. If its too easy, either there's something wrong with it or it really is lacking in some higher emotional value or content. If that's all folks are after, that's fine (in fact, that sounds like a good Saturday night), but there's nothing wrong with a little give and take, intrigue and mystery. Link to comment
sasha12 Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 ok, let's say you meet someone on a summer vacation and you like that person alot. You know your never going to see that person again. Would you consider sleeping with them? Because it would be for one time only. Link to comment
pineapplegirl Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 You know your never going to see that person again >I have done that before. It's kind of like the saying, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." If you're okay with a "hook up", then I don't see any harm in that. Link to comment
sasha12 Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 I did that too, but i guess I really didn't think of it as a hook up at the time. I really liked the guy alot and wanted to be with him because I knew I was never going to see him again. But that does sound like a hook up doesn't it. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 It all depends on the situation there have been instances where one night stands have turned into relatioships and cases where they havent. It just depends on what both individuals want at that certain time. Two people who are looking to have a good time are able to handle having a one night stand while others want to develop a lasting bond with this person before intimacy happens. It is a case by case basis just cuz a guy says that he doesnt respect doesnt have to have any bearing if he has feelings for the girl. Lets face it people have lost respect for their spouses after 10 years of marriage. Respecting a person is not necessary and sufficient for a persons to be involved. Link to comment
sasha12 Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 Thanks for your reply DayWalker. You explained it well. Link to comment
RayKay Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 I have slept with guys on first date. Some that I ended up having serious relationships with, some that I knowingly from the start knew it would be a one-nighter, and some that became more like booty call friends/friends with benefits for a few weeks or months As long as you are both okay with it, and mature adults, I don't see a problem with it. And, I have also been on the other side and waited a while to sleep with someone. It all depends on the feeling, the vibes, what I want, what they want, the potential, and what just feels right. I have had serious relationships start either way. If a guy loses respect for me because of it, well tough for him as there is a lot of great qualities to me and they are the ones missing out! He is not the one for me then anyway. But honestly, I have not really had a guy lose respect for me because of it, at least none of the guys I was really interested in and had good chemistry with - we still continued on and had a relationship of some sort and they continued to pursue me. Link to comment
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