Ex's Friends Birthday & I'm Invited - Thoughts?

[leftme]

Okay, when I met my ex 4 or so years ago she was with her friend and ironically as my ex had a BF at the time I was more interested in the friend.

 

That's a long time ago now though... and a four year relationship with the ex has been and gone (5-6 months since breakup).

 

The ex has moved on with a new guy (they've been an item since the breakup) and my life's genuinely awesome at the moment. Me and the friend distanced ourselves naturally but we always get on quite well when we were together.

 

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Anyway, I've been invited as it's the girls 21st and she wants me to join her and her friends - and providing my ex isn't going - I wouldn't mind going and meeting new people, rather than sitting in watching TV, as I have nothing planned and I enjoy socialising. Who knows who might be there!

 

There's no sexual attraction between me and the friend anymore and should it be awkward / not enjoyable I'd make the visit a short one. It's in a posh bar in the city centre where there are tables reserved.

 

What are your thoughts?

[nutbrownhare]

I'd give it a go. If you like, contact the girl first and ask if your ex is going and say you don't want to cause/feel any awkwardness when it's someone else's celebration. Then decide if you could cope if she does, and take it from there.

 

Thing is, we have a relationship with friends/families of partners which is totally separate to the one with the partner. Because of your situation while you were still with your ex, you were well placed to get to know this girl purely as a friend - and you clearly made an impression!

 

Hope you go, and have a great time!

[leftme]

Here's an update. I went last night. My ex had been invited but made excuses as to why she couldn't go.

 

Everyone (mainly old friends of my ex) were happy to see me and I just chatted away. If my ex came up in convo I rolled with it and changed the subject when the opportunity arose.

 

Speaking to one friend inparticular, she said when she heard we'd broke up they were all worried about me and how I would get on having relocated for the relationship etc. but they were surprised and glad to hear that when I bumped into her friend a few weeks earlier just how well I seemed to be doing and I continued that form.

 

It wasn't so bad, it was a good night and a major obstacle (ex's friends and worrying about their feelings about you) is now gone...

[nutbrownhare]

Glad it went well!

 

I was in a comparable situation at the beginning of the year, having relocated to join my then partner. I was worried that the only people I knew in a strange town were acquaintances of his, but I needn't have been - they've all been great!

[leftme]

I was a shaking mess when I arrived haha but I composed myself and everything went well. I can't say how it'd have gone had she been there but I know should we come accross each other in the future there shouldn't be a group stand-off against me! Thanks for your advice!