NC, after break-up horror story!

[Teebz]

So, after being a lurker on this here forum for quite a while now, I have finally decided to post my own little story.

 

I kind of stumbled upon this site after googling 'how to get back my ex', haha! I started reading about doing NC and I started NC myself, and of course failed numerous times. Now, I am in NC, and I don't even keep track of the days, this time it's easy peasy.. Let me tell you why.

 

My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about three months ago, because things weren't going smoothly for a while..

He gave me the whole 'I can't be in a relationship right now' and the 'it's not you it's me' speech. We are both 23 years old, met through music school that we both attended. We had a very passionate, tumultuous relationship, as we are both very emotional people. Big fights and such, but always ended up with eachother. I have also battled depression since I was about sixteen, and pretty much have a bit of a dark outlook on life. This was initially what my ex really liked about me and what got him interested.

 

Anyway I digress. After he broke up with me through Facebook chat (YES, REALLY!). He kind of blocked me out of his life for a few days. I went on a BIG emotional rampage, as this was my first LTR ever, and I truly saw him as my soulmate. After a few days I also found out that he had been seeing another girl. This made me feel even worse as you might imagine. Time went by, and after seeing each other a couple of times to talk, I found out that they had become 'serious'. Mind you this all happened in an inappropriately short time after the break up. And I feel that this is TOTALLY a rebound.

 

Anyway, the ex tells me on several occassions that he still loves me, dreams of me, misses me etc. but that he just can't be in a relationship with me. He does however, want to remain friends, because he does not want to live without the certain personality traits he DID like about me. Talk about selfish. In the beginning I tried doing the friend bit, but for the wrong reasons as I still wanted him back so desperately. And always ended up begging like an idiot after we would 'hang out'. In the weeks after the break up I lost a lot of weight (borderline anorexic), got even more depressed, had to quit my job, while he is doing fine, and has a new girlfriend to boot!

 

The HORROR of this story, is that me and my ex live literally accross the street from each other. We are basically neighbours. Each time the new girlfriend visits, I know that she is there, and it KILLS me. The chance of bumping into my ex is HUGE.

Also, I found the new girlfriend in my kitchen a week ago. I live with a couple of roommates, and one of them happens to be friends with her.

 

After seeing her in my kitchen I had the biggest freak out ever. I immediately went to my exes house and scolded him. I can't even grieve in the comfort of my own house!! When I confronted my ex about it he just had a blank expression on his face, and was mildly apologetic. I threw some furniture around, and screamed until it was all out of my system. A day later I initiated NC.

 

I realised that this was where I had to draw the line. I have begged, cried, screamed, starved myself, and nothing has come out of it. I can't believe that the person I trusted most could do this to me. But I am done victimizing myself. At the end of the day I am proud that I did ALL that I could. I showed my ex what this relationship meant to me, even though it sometimes felt like I was losing my dignity, but now I am reclaiming it.

I am proud that I don't need to jump into a relationship just to 'not be alone', like he is obviously doing.

 

The reason that NC is so easy this time around, is that I am literally repulsed by what has happened. This could not get any worse. But instead of blaming myself again, and feeling inferior to him and his new girl, I am just removing myself from the situation. I plan on not talking to him for a long time, as I have said everything that I wanted to say. I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again, but at this point I truly do not care.

 

Honestly though, if I hadn't stumbled upon this forum it might have taken me a lot longer to get to this point in my life..

 

I know there are people out there who have experienced similar stuff. How did you handle this?

[rask]

Was it really his fault she was at your house? Sounds like that part was more your roommates fault, than his.

 

 

Regardless, it would of upset me just the same.

 

I'm happy you're moving on... keep up the NC, and don't feel inferior, even if your own home.

 

Honestly... had that of happened to me, I probably would of dragged the girl out of my apartment by her hair, instead of going to talk to him about it.

[DN]

You can't assume that this is a 'rebound' that won't last or that even if it doesn't it wasn't serious. IMP there is no such thing as an inappropriate time to start a new relationship after a previous one has ended (not before it has ended though) It was certainly inappropriate for you to throw furniture around in his place and you were lucky he didn't call the police.

 

I totally get that it must be upsetting to be so close to where he lives, but for your own sake you need to get past this as soon as you can. Maybe consider moving away if that is possible.

[Teebz]

Oh DN, I'm sorry I didn't add that the furniture throwing occurred in my own house haha! I agree that would have been inappropriate to say the least!

[Teebz]

Also, it wasn't his fault that she was at my house. But, he did advise her beforehand to not go..she did it anyway, and that is also her right I guess. If it were me I would never set foot there just out of respect..

[SScolo]

You are absolutely right in feeling that she should not be in your house. Your roommate should have chosen a more neutral spot to meet this person, like a coffee shop or a bar. If your ex did advise her not to go, it makes one think she might be "stirring the pot" and trying to get a reaction out of you, which speaks to her insecurities about the relationship, as well as immaturity.

 

NC is absolutely what you need right now. Scream and cry and throw things, but be sure to take care of yourself. Work out, shop, EAT, but do not contact him. You will feel so much better so much faster, I guarantee it.