please can somebody talk to me

[Slow Club]

Ok, so I now know that the root if my depression is the loss of my soul mate and the absence of close friends.

 

I just contacted her because I wanted to know if she still hates me. She doesn't, she loathes me. It's now been 1 year 7 months since bu and I now know um not going to get over this.

 

Suicidal thoughts have crept back in again. I just know I'm not going to get the support I need. I don't have family or friends to help because she was the only one.

 

I hate this.

 

I know everyone says suicide us bad and I agree but I think it could also he the correct solution.

 

Eg, since the bu, I've just become unlikable, sour, bitter, grumpy and generally unhappy about everything and I know this will not change because my ex doesn't even want to be my friend.

 

I'm lost. I just want my best friend back.

[sportsguy9981]

Look when you start thinking that way, its the easy way out. Im very sorry that you are going through this still, Im dealing with a bad breakup myself, but I havent contacted her, I would look like a fool. I just want to try to move forward as best I can, although it seems impossible right now, in fact a lot of people go through at least one terrible breakup in their lives. Its a common thing, if you think about it that way, then maybe that will give you some insight and help you. Also you have to stay busy, weather it be a job, a hobby, or anything, you have to get out of your house and do something that you enjoy. You may not have family suppot, but you have to have some kind of friend you can confide in. Also think about the things you could never experience and the places you'll never go, and the next girl you will never meet if you do try to kill yourself. The negatives outweigh the positives of doing it in the end, and you would be even more of a fool if you did it. Don't let one girl bring you down, you can and will get through this. If I can, you can.

[Slow Club]

Please read more carefully. It's been nearly two years. Of course I've been busy in that time, working, writing, etc

 

And no, I don't have any friends I can confide with. She was the only one. I'm well and truly ****ed. If anyone can convince me otherwise...well, I doubt you will.

[MsHJones]

I agree with the above. You need to get out and do things, even if youre miserable and and the thought of doing something is the furthest thing from your mind. For one thing, it will distract you, even if slightly or for just a few minutes, from constantly thinking about your ex and the possible "solutions" (suicide certainly isnt one. Its permanent, and for all we know, maybe there is nothing after death except lying in a box buried in the dirt...why give up a life that could be great down the road? Life is so unpredicatble-you could win the lottery, meet a person who changes your life, etc etc). Also, going out, you could meet the REAL love of your life..if this ex of yours was it, she would still be around, so clearly fate has moved her out of the picture for a reason-because there is someone that really is meant for you out there. But you will never meet them sitting in your home being depressed, or limiting your social activites. No matter how bad you think things are right now, just remember-it can only get better from where you are now right? I really hope you consider all the options life has to offer, as cheesy as that sounds. If you ever need someone to talk to and do not have any friends (which im sure you have at least one like sportsguy said) you are welcome to message me, I dont mind listening and giving you feedback if youd like. Cheer up!

[Slow Club]

I work full time and in my spare time I write for mags and websites and in my spare spare time I do photography and creative writing. How much more busy can I get? I have work in 6 hours but can't sleep because of my ex.

 

I'm not scared of death or its permanence. I used to be terrified of it but now I really don't care. The bu has scarred me in a way I thought wasn't possible.

 

I won't really make new friends anymore because the relationship has made me bitter, sour, grumpy, critical etc. People hate me. Everyone.

 

I'm completely alone and isolated.

 

So far, nobody has provided me with a decent reason to persist.

[sportsguy9981]

May I ask what happened to your family? Also I see you live in the UK, are there any counselors or suicide help phone lines you could dial? I really dont want you to peruse this and I think you should also post something in the suicide forum on here as well, its a serious thing.

[Slow Club]

We don't get along and don't ever talk. They have never provided emotional support in my life and will certainly not do so now. Plus we have a language barrier problem so can't.

 

I could see a counsellor but can't afford it as I use my money to pursue creative/arty ambitions.

 

I'm moderately serious about suicide but not in a deluded way. I will never truly attempt it, until I crack. But I would say I'm quite mentally (not emotionally) tough and therefore think if I do crack, it's the correct choice.

 

Suicide has a bad name but only by those why don't understand the catalysts behind it.

 

Put it this, I've given myself an estimated time of 6 years. If things don't improve by then, suicide will become a genuinely serious consideration.

 

I have nobody close to me anymore to upset anyway so it's not like i'd be hurting anyone.

[MsHJones]

Well then the things you doing clearly arent working, so try some other things. Have you seen a therapist or counselor of some sort? Ive reached out to one myself, and even though I havent gone yet, it makes me feel better to know Im taking a step in the right direction. Im sure they could also help you with your thoughts of suicide.

[Slow Club]

Like I said I can't afford it because I spend my money on creative/arty ambitions.

[sportsguy9981]

Its not true that nobody cares, I dont even know you and I care because I dont want to see anybody end their life. I think you should save some money up for a counselor, its worth it if it saves your life isnt it? I think you also need to find some kind of happiness, force yourself, in something. I believe that your parents wouldnt want to see you die, look at it from their perspective, would you want your baby to kill themself? Because thats what you were at one time to them. Look at yourself through your whole life, did you know this ex of yours since you were born? No of course not. Look at old photos of yourself, and then you will see that life is a journey, and maybe the right character isnt in your story yet, thats how I look at it, some characters come and go, but the main love may be so strong that it hasnt showed up yet. Thats just one perspective I've learned on here.

[Blue92]

You like to write so why not attend writing seminars and book clubs to meet new people? I think the root of your problem isn't your ex, but how lonely you feel ever since she left you. There are plenty of people out their who are willing to get to know you. You just have to open up, get out there, and find them!

[sparrow]

To the original poster: I'm lonely, too, but you cannot let your ex to dictate whether you decide to live or die. Your ex is not god. They do not have control over your life or your emotions. I know it hurts. I know the pain is real, and I'm not denying that. But do NOT let her actions beat you. We're all here for you. And I bet you're a great writer/artist. We need more of those in this world.

[MsHJones]

Perhaps you could cut down on your artsy hobbies and so you can afford to do at least a couple sessions? I bet it would definitely be worth it in the long run. Another idea is, maybe get a dog. Or cat. Dogs make such awesome companions, I have one and as silly as it sounds she has helped me through alot. Nites when I am lonely and upset, she can somehow tell, and she puts her lil fluffly head on the end of my bed and looks at me all worried until I invite her up, then she gives me lots of kisses and lays with me til I fall asleep, and usually, through the nite. Even if she cant talk its nice knowing that SOMETHING cares and loves me unconditionally. To be honest I even talk with her. Sometimes it helps to just blurt out what youre feeling or upset about. Cats can be healing too, and may be a less expensive option if money is tight like it sounds. Probably a $5 bag of food a week and maybe a trip to the vet once a year, all that for a great and loving companion

[sparrow]

I say YES to the cat-tip! Cats are wonderful.

[doyathink]

Maybe the only way to truly heal, will be to fully embrace the idea that its over between you two...and find peace in that you were able to experience a love so rare. Above that, love yourself first. With or without her, life has beauty in it if you would just be open to seeing it

[Slow Club]

Before when I didn't accept it was over, I just felt hurt and betrayed. But that I know it's over for good, I just feel numb and worthless instead.

 

The suggestions are good but not what I'm after. (im not actually sure what I'm after). I would love some pets but have put it off because I know I'd just become a male version of a crazy cat lady.

 

Most people are writing workshops are much older than me. I don't want my new nest friend to be some 50 y/o.

 

I ****ed up in my relationship. Maybe I should just accept my loneliness and isolation and learn to live with it. I already have learn to live with depression and personality disorders anyway.

[camus154]

What you should do is get off the self-pity train, because it's not doing you any good.

 

Sorry, man, but it needs to be said. You've had plenty of time to wallow in the pain of a break up. Now it's time to move on.

 

We advised you 4 months ago to seek counseling for the extraordinarily long list of disorders you've taken it upon yourself to self-diagnose; now you're telling us you can't give up hobby money for your own mental health. Well, ok, but that's your choice--so own it. No one's going to force you to prioritize your own well-being, but no one's going to pity you if you don't.

 

That's all life really is, man. Choices and consequences. No one and nothing is going to magically make your life better--you get to do that all by your lonesome. So if you're sick of feeling the way you do, then do something about it.

[Slow Club]

Hey, it's a pretty good train to be on but thank you for your honesty.

 

I don't know what to do about it though. That's the problem.

 

I dunno. Most of the new people I meet don't like me cos I like to sit on my high chair and look down on them. Unless they're actually smart/interesting. Yeah, that's how vain I am.

 

The last year or so has just confirmed to me that my ex was one of the few people who actually liked me.

[pippy longstocking]

slow club we can get free therapy in the uk ...it is hit or miss and you will be on a waiting list , but if you go to your gp you will be able to sort it out.

 

also the charity MIND in the uk also offers counseling , google MIND mental health and you can call them and get that up and running .

 

none of this will be in the next 48 hours , but you have been this long a few more weeks wont harm ...make that call and get your name down , you can always cancel if you feel its not for you .

 

also the samaritans ...you can stay on the phone all day with them if you like ..they are angels on phones those people .

 

 

 

here is a link darling

 

link removed

[camus154]

Hey, it's a pretty good train to be on but thank you for your honesty.

 

I don't know what to do about it though. That's the problem.

 

I dunno. Most of the new people I meet don't like me cos I like to sit on my high chair and look down on them. Unless they're actually smart/interesting. Yeah, that's how vain I am.

 

The last year or so has just confirmed to me that my ex was one of the few people who actually liked me.

 

Maybe you're just sabotaging the relationships you could have because they're not your ex. And then, lo and behold, you look around and get to "use" this as proof that nobody likes you, hence why you're justified in continuing to feel as lonely and crappy as you do.

 

Cause and effect. If you're truly a smart man, then you already know this. Maybe not emotionally, but rationally of course you do.

 

So put your emotional bits to the side for awhile. Don't worry--they're not going anywhere. Tell them to f** off for a bit while you clear your head and relax, for Christ's sake. Go have some ice cream. Go watch a matinee. Go to a bar and oogle some drunk chick's lovely breasts. Get out of your head and stop thinking all your emotions and petty drama are so important, man.

[pippy longstocking]

slow club I have had a read of your other threads to see if I can offer any advice and it has shone a lot more light

onto all this.

 

your mental health issues , you really are playing with fire by self diagnosing , especially the amount , you have claimed 3 personality disorders alone . You have to remember that if you have this many mental health issues it stands to reason that your perception may not be fact ...and you can't have it both ways .

reading about all these issues will not help , we can all fit ourselves into a section and decide that is what we have , but really ..you need a proffesional opinion .

 

you have spoken a lot about money ...well I have now told you the free routes to take because we are uk , and a referal to a shrink also costs us nothing ...you go to your gp , you tell him your nuts , he refers you , you have an assement , then at least you know what your dealing with.

 

I have bi polar type 11 and I rapid cycle , so I have been there ..googling stuff , fitting myself into a box somewhere because I KNEW something was not right , but I didnt know what . The best and kindest thing anyone ever did for me was give me a diagnosis ..not because I wanted a label but because I needed to be armed with the facts . I was able to then educate myself , notice the triggers , find ways of dealing with each cycle of mood and accept and comfort myself with knowing that each phase will pass.

 

please dont take offence , but be careful that your not using these mental health labels as your identity ..your somebody when you have a label ..your a person with ocd or a person with bpd , your somebody and without your labels you will shrink evenmore off the radar ..at least now ...your somebody

I do it myself , I am guilty as charged ..I am a bi polar sufferer ...no ...my identity is les living in the uk ...I have an illness ..but I AM NOT THAT ILLNESS . Can you see what I am trying to say to you .

Is your reluctance to take advice and see a proffesional born out of fear of you not actually having all these things wrong with you , because it will take away your identity because you have made your identity a man with several mental health issues ..so at least your somebody.

 

reading about your ex ..well to get back in touch 16 mnths down the line so she can tell you she hates you and doesn't want to bump into you ...what a horrible strange thing to do ...like thats normal !!!! she was unfaithful to you as well ...this relationship and her friendship is so huge in your life I suspect because you dont have closeness with anyone else . You put all of your eggs in her basket and they got smashed .

 

you will get over her but you need help knocking her off that pedastel that you have put her on ...

 

you have to be pro active ...you have to do something other than assume you have something wrong .

[Dinocaz]

Wise words from Shooting Star. And they are services in the UK that you can get which you dont pay for. Speak openly to your GP and you can get a referral. Also even if you cant afford the calls to the samaritins as they do charge - they will usually ring you back and depending where you are they have alot of drop in centers where you can go and speak to them and try make some sense of everything that is going on inside you.

 

Suicide is never an option no matter how comforting it may seem in the moment. It is so final and you as a person are worth so much more than this situation. You need to get help immediately by a mental health specialist! But you need to do the ground work and have your voice heard to get the ball rolling.

 

You may be surprised at yourself when you do start talking to someone, and start to make sense of your emotions and how to work through these. Reach out and get the help you need today! You actually do not need to go through this alone and they are ways you can come through this hard passage in your life. And as Sstar said no doubt 1 day it will all be behind you but help needing in getting her of the pedestal and replacing her with YOU.

[Slow Club]

e Last three responses are really good especially by camus and shooting star.

 

Sometimes I do question whether there is something wring with me at all because when I'm around people, I'm absolutely fine. But I reckon that's just me hiding all my problems.

 

And yes, I did put all my eggs in one basket.

 

I'm currently in contact with Samaritans via email. It's ok so far. I guess the other ason why I haven't seeked professional is that I'm ashamed of my mental and emotionally stability. I wish I could be less emotional and I was before I met my ex. But now I don't know how to go back to who I was.

 

Ok, I'll try and see a gp soon and get referred. I guess the other reason why I haven't seen one is because I don't want these mental issues to be on my medical record. Do you think they will be?

 

I guess one of the major problems is that I put so much emotional energy, time and tryst into her and I just feel completely betrayed. I thought she understood how important she was to me, not as a girlfriend but as the closest person me in the world. It's hard adjusting after a change that.

[BeeToo]

I think you are avoiding the opportunities you have to make yourself feel better.

The idea of using the money you use for the hobbies on therapy for a while is worth a shot, you don't have to be ashamed to have any mental issues, I was diagnosed with depression 4 years ago and instead of feeling bad about it, I got help and eventually got better. I will always have this tendency to go back to being depressed, because want it or not, it is a "disease", so I have to always keep working at myself, and never let I myself get to the bottom. Getting a pet won't turn you into some crazy cat "man", you're just assuming that before you even give it a shot!

You can't stay feeling sorry for yourself forever, I'm sorry to say this, but that's what you are doing.

You're just expecting something will magically happen to you and things will get better. It's all up to you, learn to love yourself. I know exactly how you feel, I have had months in my past years where I felt exactly like this except it wasn't because of a BU, but I started making new friends, and started doing things I like and my life got much better and therefore people would approach me more.

[Slow Club]

Thanks for the honest responses. Motivation is definitely a key problem of mine and taking responsibility for myself.

 

And it's also fairly obvious that I fear the future and fear making wrong decisions. I'll see what I can do.