Pregnant, only choice is abortion..just venting

[yvette91]

Like the tittle said im just venting because there is nothing I can do..

Im 21 been married for almost 4 years and recently had an affair. I told my husband and we have been trying to work things out, it seems lke we are just prolonging a divorce. Thats all another story, but now I am 5weeks pregnant by my husband and I have to get an abortion due to our relationship status, my income status, the fact that we already have a two year old and all of this is making me very very unstable. After I had our daughter I had very bad case of postpartum and at this point in time i think I might just snap.

Now even though I know I am making the right decision but I feel really bad that I have to do this. Im going through morning sickness and gaining weight it just reminds me of how beautiful pregnancy is and im pro choice but now that its my choice and I feel like COMPLETE ****.....

 

I just had to get that out...idk maybe it would help.

[and so it goes]

Please get some counseling pronto. I'm not pro-life or anything but I do feel people need a darn good reason to get an abortion and I'm not seeing one here.

[Redhairedgirl]

I could never get an abortion. Why punish the tiny innocent child for what is going on with you? At least have the child and give it up for adoption. Then you won't have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. Very upsetting. You know the wonder of the child you have! You know! Maybe it is meant to be, and this is the path you are supposed to travel!

[clueless11]

I don't think she posted on here to get judged for her thoughts about an abortion. It's her mental health and her choice. You don't know what she could be dealing with.

[Redhairedgirl]

I would typically agree clueless, but not on this issue. Unless she will die from the pregnancy I don't know what she could be dealing with that can't be handled some other way.

[junebug123]

Well, i support you either way. My sister had to make a similar choice when she got pregnant with some guy who she couldn't see herself being with (due to his instability financially and emotionally), she had the abortion and than later went on to meet someone she really loves who supports her and the child, she is so happy now and i am happy for her. God only knows where she would be now if she ended up having a kid with that loser (there would be so much resentment and that poor child would have been born into a very hard life). My thing is, you are having a hard time but you are also limited in your options with already one child to support. A baby is a lot of responsibility, does your husband know? You should really talk to him in fact i would say that regardless of whether its your body or not, its also his child as well and he should have a say in what happens.

[junebug123]

I would typically agree clueless, but not on this issue. Unless she will die from the pregnancy I don't know what she could be dealing with that can't be handled some other way.

 

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, that is what the forum is for so that people can decide for themselves. I respect what you have said Redhair but sometimes we have to make difficult choices in life in order to keep living.

[pl3asehelp]

It's not your only choice and it sounds like it's not even the choice you prefer. I'm pro choice too and it's up to you (unfortunately your husband doesn't have any say in this at all, which I think is a tragedy), but in your situation I would recommend keeping the baby based on the reasons you listed for not keeping it. Have you asked your husband if he would like to keep his child 100% since you're not interested? There are many couples out there who can't have biological children who would love to give your baby a home as well.

[happyfrank]

Think of the side effects of abortion regarding physical and mental health.

[HeartGoesOn]

Moderator Note: Please stay on topic, and avoid turning this thread into an abortion debate.

[nutbrownhare]

You're in a terrible situation, and at such a young age, too. If you feel that this is the only course of action open to you, given the long term future, then you need to run with that. There is clearly a huge part of you that wants to carry this through to term, as well. I've never been in this situation myself, but I can appreciate what a terrible dilemma it is for those who have.

 

I used to work for a helpline where it was not unusual for young women who had had abortions (abortions which they were 100% certain of at the time) to be suffering the most terrible grief, and that if they'd known they were going to feel the way they did, they'd have carried on with the pregnancy - regardless of the effect it would have had on their careers or financial situation. I used to feel SOOO sorry for them; I mention this not to apply pressure to you, but if you're ambivalent in the first place then you will need a lot of emotional support to get through it, both during the abortion and afterwards.

 

Have you explored all the options open to you before reaching this decision? My real concern is that you'll end up in the same state as the poor girls I've mentioned - when it isn't totally necessary. Whatever you decide, make sure you've got a lot of non-judgmental support/counselling around you.

[abitbroken]

it just reminds me of how beautiful pregnancy is and im pro choice but now that its my choice and I feel like COMPLETE ****.....

 

If you do have an abortion, you must be very clear with your husband that your existing child is never to be told about it in anger, for revenge against the other parent or in any other way period. I also highly, highly suggest that if you don't want to be with your husband, that you stop having sex with him and resolve the situation.

 

The other choices are putting the baby up for adoption, raising the baby with your existing child as a single parent or going to marriage counseling. My grandparents adopted my uncle who actually had 2 older bio siblings, but his parents put him up for adoption because they had no way to feed another mouth and were splitting up. There is no guarantee you will have postpartum with the second child. My cousin had no trouble with the first one, post partum depression big time with the second and was fine with the third. Ultimately, you will make the choice that you feel is best.

 

I think what Redheadgirl is trying to say is that you don't "have to" do this if it is something you don't want to do. I never try to debate anyone if their mind is set totally. As long as it is your free choice and not something you feel is a must because of your husband's insistence.

 

EDIT: Sorry, Mod, we cross posted.

[bulletproof]

You should do what you think is right. But please don't think it's your only choice, you do have other options. I certainly understand why you see no other options right now. That's a tough situation to be in, especially when you are so young.

[OptomisticGirl]

Only you know your situation OP - truly - and know were not only you and husband stand in your marriage but were you stand financially, etc.

[yvette91]

I don,t even know why I posted this, in the end it's my decision and I know no matter how much I would want to keep this baby that I do not have the time, funds, mental stability or patience for another child.....thank you everyone for your words.