Tips for helping my guy while he quits smoking? Former smokers...?

[Heather Dawn]

Hi, all! After a few months of contemplation, my boyfriend has decided to stop smoking! I'm thrilled! He's beginning the patch, and has warned me that he'll probably be very cranky and out of sorts for a couple of weeks (which he said I shouldn't take personally). My question for you former smokers is: What can I, as his partner, do to make things easier for him? And for myself? (We live together.)

[lavenderdove]

First, give him lots and lots of space and don't allow any petty things that happen to draw you into fights. He WILL be cranky and it may last a good month at least. the first couple weeks are just horrendous, and it's no picnic for the first few months.

 

you should avoid going anywhere with him where there are smokers or cigarette smoke to tempt him. So stay out of bars and parties or anywhere people may smoke either inside or standing around outside the door where you have to walk past it.

 

Also help him get aids like Nicorette gum or patches to help him wean off without the worse physical symptoms that withdrawal can bring. Mentally breaking the habit is also hard, so he needs to keep busy and avoid situations where he used to smoke so as not to trigger a mental craving for it.

 

Some people find it useful to replace an old habit with a new one... for example, he could take up exercising every time he gets a craving, or some other hobby or pass time.

[Heather Dawn]

Thanks! He quit once before (before we met) and got into yoga and jogging - but I don't think that'll happen this time, as his job is different (much more physical than it used to be) and he's typically exhausted after work. He's using the Nicoderm patch, so hopefully that will help. We're not bar or party people these days, so that shouldn't be an issue - but I worry about family get togethers because his mom and aunt are both heavy smokers. I'm definitely going to try and keep a low profile, in terms of not nagging or getting him stressed - which should be fairly easy since we're not a very argumentative couple, and we don't have any major stress in our life, thankfully - and he told me that I'm really good at not letting arguments escalate which he believes should help the situation. But he did say he might get snarky or snappy and not want to do much, or be short-tempered. I figure it's like he's going to have severe, extended PMS...lol.

[amipushy]

I agree with lavenderdove.

 

But if he fails, dont be too hard on him because the time might not be right for him and at least he gave it a shot. He is also more likely to try again if you don't make a big thing about it i.e. if you make him feel bad/guilty for not being able to this time, he will resist next time because he feel like a failure yet again (not saying you will but its so easy to fall into that trap).

 

Also, make sure that he doesnt use lozenges/gum for too long or he will become addicted to them instead- I learned that the hard way. Big mistake!

[Heather Dawn]

I agree with lavenderdove.

 

But if he fails, dont be too hard on him because the time might not be right for him and at least he gave it a shot. He is also more likely to try again if you don't make a big thing about it i.e. if you make him feel bad/guilty for not being able to this time, he will resist next time because he feel like a failure yet again (not saying you will but its so easy to fall into that trap).

 

Also, make sure that he doesnt use lozenges/gum for too long or he will become addicted to them instead- I learned that the hard way. Big mistake!

 

Oh, thanks! I'm going to try and not make a huge deal. In fact, even leading up to his decision I was very subtle. He knows how I feel about it, but I never wanted to nag - so I would plant the seed here and there but let him move at his own pace. I knew he was considering it because whenever we went to the pharmacy, he'd go stand and stare at the boxes of Nicoderm and then say, "Not yet." When he actually bought a box the other day, it was very exciting and I told him it was a great Christmas gift. But I also want to not make him feel pressured or like he's being monitored. I told him to let me know what I can do to make it as easy as possible on him.

 

And yikes! I'll make sure he re: the gum/lozenges. Thanks!

[lavenderdove]

If you can at all avoid those two aunts who smoke this year it would be great... when i quit, the hardest time i had was at a family type get together where there were lots of smokers. I'd have been better off skipping that party and just begging off telling the hostess you are trying to quit smoking right now and need to be in a smoke-free environment for a while to avoid the temptation to start again. Tell them you'll return to the family parties again when he's feeling stronger about it.

[Heather Dawn]

Good idea, though this is going to be sticky now that we're in the holiday season.

[Heather Dawn]

Well, I went home during my lunch hour (I live ten minutes from work and he gets home earlier than me) and he was doing pretty well on his first day. We had sex while I was home, so that cheered him up too. LOL

[Minx2012]

I was a smoker for a number of years. I have been completely smoke-free for over 5 years now. BEST decision I ever made in my life and the decision to quit and my success at sticking to it REALLY taught me something about my will power. It was an amazing feeling : I was able to quit, run daily, workout / exercise, eat healthily. Here are some few tips that worked with me :

 

1. THE STEVE CARR BOOK : It has a lot of psychology that allows you to really see what the cigarette REALLY is ( a cancer stick that dictates your life as a smoker ). There was one point in the book which made me drop the cigarette altogether. It asked the question, " What was your life like BEFORE you smoked? ". It reasoned that all the pleasurable things ( alcoholic beverages at a bar, a great big meal, sex, a hot cup of coffee ) have been rationalised by smokers as being " incomplete " without a cigarett. But then it asked me to think back to those pleasurable things BEFORE the smoking. They are what they are : alcoholic beverages at a bar is an alcoholic beverage at a bar, a great big meal is a great big meal, sex is sex, a hot cup of coffee is a hot cup of coffee.....BUT the smoker's mind rationalise them as being something " less " or losing their pleasurable aspect with the absence of a cancer stick! And I got mad at myself.....I got mad bc for so many years, I allowed a single, inanimate object that is dangerous in every way DICTATE MY LIFE AND MY MINDSET.

 

2) I STARTED RUNNING...HARD : On the first week of me picking up the book, I started to run and exercise a lot. It hurt like crazy to run...the sharpp air hit my lungs for the first time in a long time. It hurt so much like a thousand cold razor blades searing through my lungs. I was huffing, puffing and felt like I couldn't go on but I did. The exercise and running DETERRED me from smoking....bc I knew how much it hurt to smoke and then run after. After around a week of that brutal pain, the run started getting easier and easier until I felt like I could fly. I was running up mountains, doing trail running, jumping over logs. For the first time, I felt so young and invincible....and I started to PSYCHOLOGICALLY attach that feeling to the stopping of smoking ( even though my energy was due to my running and increased stamina through exercise ).

 

( Will continue later...off to work! )

[Heather Dawn]

Thanks, Minx! I'm going to recommend that book to him if he hits a wall!

[Minx2012]

( CONTINUATION )

 

3. SUBSTITUTE THE CRAVING WITH ACTION : Everytime I felt like I wanted to have a cigarette, I did something to forget about it : Exercised, ran, baked, cooked, laundry, read something, called a friend, went out for a walk etc.

 

4. RESPONSIBILITY FOR LIFE & DEATH : I started to think about the possibility of cancer ( lung, throat etc )...and told myself that if I ever got it ( knock wood! ), that it was all due to MY OWN WILL. The minute it sunk in, dropped smoking for good.