Messages to the Universe

[Silverbirch]

HI ETS, feel free to tell us about your universe and anything you would like brought to you.

[Silverbirch]

I'm going to a meeting at work today and will be giving a presentation and putting forth a project proposal to workers. The manager already knows and likes the idea but without acceptance and co-operation from workers in being able to work together to sort out issues, it just can't happen. Please Universe, give me guidance with this. If the proposal or similar is not accepted I believe I will leave that workplace within the next few months because unless there are some shifts in the way people go about things, it's not a good place to work. My proposal is to develop a grass roots human rights committee in that workplace so that workers can come together to discuss issues relating to clients. In the recent past, some workers went to senior management about such issues and 2 people have been stood down. There is a lot of fear and mistrust because of that and other issues. I'm hoping I can help make a difference.

[Silverbirch]

Thank You Universe! The presentation went great and I have been asked to give it again in a week's time as a couple of the staff were on leave and the others want to hear it again. I gave a handout with it and the people who were away will get that before the meeting. I'll be adding a little more on to the next presentation as everyone there was very happy about the concept of a grass roots human rights organisation. Our manager said she can hardly wait to write her monthly report to senior management so she can write about it.

 

I was also welcome back as a permanent staff member by everyone - workers and clients. It was a great day and things at work are looking much, much better. I can just take it as it comes and not get too excited or ahead of myself, but I feel positive right now. THANK YOU.

[Silverbirch]

I don't even know what I should be asking for right now. Maybe strength, wisdom and serenity. I've been crying tonight. I've worked hard all weekend and I'm exhausted - I think I have worked six days in a row with a lot of physical and mental work and I've been studying every day.

 

I'm quite certain that my body is well and truly entering menopause right now. I feel sad about how it is affecting me right now. I hope I am wrong, but right now it feels like my sex is over. It was important to me, but the changes in my body are making sex impossible. I've started taking some natural therapies and unlikely can take hormone therapy. I dunno.

 

On Tuesday, I have my next flexible cystoscopy to see if there are recurrences of the cancer which is highly likely. I will find out also if I'll be starting chemotherapy. I was all psyched up for it in late October, but due a world shortage of Mitomycin, I found out literally on the operating table that I wouldn't be having it though the surgeon assured me I will be fine - it was just a little extra thing they were going to try.

 

David and I are entering a difficult phase right now. There has been trouble now caused by his father turning up at his house unannounced every Sunday and stayiing the whole day and into the evening. There's lots more to it, but David has a lot of issues with his father which he will not speak with his father about. David and I are both currently working every Saturday and have since we have known each other. We have tried so many times to spend Sundays together, but due to his father and often others will show up unannounced as well, we have virtually no alone time together except for maybe between the hours of 5am and 7am in bed,once a week. That is virtually the only time we are alone and awake together.

 

He's very tired today and was yesterday as well and we didn't see each other. There was a possibility I would go to his place after I finished work. He'd been a bit brittle with me on the phone last night and didn't sound enthused about spending any time with me so I backed off. He texted me today that he was annoyed that his father showed up yet again though he refuses to say anything to his father about it. I have told him it is possible to say something nicely but I guess that he just doesn't want to. His father left the family when David was 13 and made NO contact for 8 years. After that the contact was only sporadic until the younger woman he left his wife and family for dumped him in his old age maybe 5 years ago or a bit less. From time to time, she reappears when she wants something from him, and then nobody in the family will hear from him.

 

I'm feeling like the one who is bearing the brunt of the resentment as he CAN'T say anything to his fatherh. My counsellor says it's because, perhaps at an unconscious level, David is still the 13 year old boy desperate for his father's acceptance and time. When he was a kid, his father had virtually nothing to do with him. From what I've heard and observed of the man, I don't want him in my life.

 

I'm feeling like David isn't there for me right now. I don't ask him for much. I suggested we could meet up tomorrow for lunch but he said that he will be too busy because he had things he had planned to do today but couldn't because of his father getting in the way. Then he said we can speak about it tomorrow. I'm not going to grovel for his love or time. I will rest adn likely take myself off somewhere to do something I like on my own. The dance group is on holidays atm, but in around 3 weeks, I will change my work days and only work every second weekend. I'm going to catch up with local people at these very arty and infamous markets in a neighbouring community on Saturday mornings and try to nurture my friendships and interests more.

 

I'll ring my son and my mother tomorrow and tell them I love them.

[Silverbirch]

Thank You once again Universe! When I woke this morning, there was a message on my phone David had sent last night saying that he truly does miss me . . . . and my dog! LOL He rang this morning saying that even though he was very busy, he wanted to see me because he was missing me and would be coming. He must have driven very fast because he was here in record time. We went to the local historical general store and had a coffee and something to eat after having a big hug. My dog was so excited to see him that he broke out of the yard before David had even gotten out of his car. Doggie went crazy jumping all over him and licking him.

 

We had a good catchup though both of us saying how tired we are. I got a bit teary telling him how I feel sad about the ways that ?menopause is affecting me right now and that I'm scared this is permanent, but that I'm using vitamins. He said he thinks he is undergoing midlife change too and he took my hand and told me that no matter what he still loves me and it won't change how he feels about me. He told me he is battling similar things with his "bits" (as we call them). Then he laughed and called me: "Miss Painted Toenails and Pretty Feet".

 

I have lots to do today at home and tomorrow I have the cancer test again. I will probably go over and sleep at David's tonight as he lives only around 10 minute drive from the Day Hospital I have to attend - and as well, I want to see him.

 

Thank You Universe and God!

[Silverbirch]

Thank You Universe for the WONDERFUL ENA Member who sent me 2 beautiful books in the mail today, "A Mindful Guide for Cancer Survivors" and "The Meditative Gardener Notebook". Very much looking forward to bed and reading them. THANK YOU!

 

 

Another bushfire today in an adjoining road - I think around 4kms away. Fortunately, the Country Fire Authority volunteer firefighters had it under control and we are safe though the CFA advised us to be monitoring and ready to evacuate. I have a fireplan. I went and checked the internal gates to the property with the plan to give the horses as much space as possible to run from fire and access to water. I got my cat and dog carriers out and cleaning them. This is the second fire in around a week in this community. So pleased the CFA have controlled both fires in a reasonable period of time. Fortunately also there was no wind today but it is dead hot.

 

Thank You Universe.

[Silverbirch]

Thank You Universe. The docs say the news is good - I do have another 3 small tumors (malignant) which will need to be removed surgically, HOWEVER, they appear to be non-invasive and low-grade, they have been detected very early. Surgeon doesn't know yet, if I will get the targeted chemo, but I will find out sooner or later.

 

Thank You God and Universe that I was born in a country where I have access to doctors and hospitals and a very good standard of living, and people in my life where there is a lot of love.

[Realitynut]

Glad they caught those tumors early SB.....

 

Other than HOT and STEAMY in Australia....

 

How is the HOT and STEAMY David??? lol

 

It's been so long since we heard about your relationship!!! Now that it's warm out....it sounds as if you're laying by fans...don't you have airconditioning??? We'd DIE with out it....

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Carla,

Well, thanks for asking - and how are things with you?

 

I didn't see David this weekend. I worked Saturday and as I knew his father had invited himself over again Sunday - as he does EVERY Sunday, I chose not to go over there. Instead, I took myself out for lunch while someone washed my car. Then I went and had a Chinese massage, then a browse through a very interesting bookstore, and got myself something good to read which I have been ploughing through.

 

David texted very late last night while I was asleep then rang twice this morning while I was having a bath. I had told him I had an appointment with my counsellor but he forgot and was on his way over. I won't get a day off until Friday and my dance class starts up again. So, I'm not seeing so much of him, and I think I should give him the gift of missing me.

 

I'm also quite worried about something he is going to do. This "friend" of his has talked him into putting a deposit on a block of land in the country next door to the one the friend has bought. The friend is paying cash, but David will have to borrow. David didn't go to a lawyer or anything like that. I offered to get him a DIY conveyancing kit and checked the land out, and there is lots wrong with it. David was going to pull out of it, but it looks as though his friend has talked him back into it. David still hasn't been to a lawyer and is going to have to approach banks to borrow money. I pray that this is not going to be disastrous for him, but if he goes ahead with it, I believe it will be.

 

I read the local government plans for that land and the land around it. He cannot plant a tree on the land, nor can he take any domestic animals on it. The land can be used for commercial purposes only. The local government has acknowledged problems with the road to that land, and there is a clause where the local government can buy the land back at "cost" price at any time. There are other clauses to it, and I think it looks disastrous. This "friend" of his already bought land once before. He claimed that after he bought the land, the government declared it national park, that it cannot be built on, but he still has to pay land rates on it and nobody will buy it. You'd think that having been caught already in something like this, that the friend would have checked it out. It is raising alarm bells for me with regard to David. It's looking to me like he has major probs stating "facts" to his friend and father. He is manipulated by both of them.

 

I can only tell him the facts as I see them. It is his choice, but I think the choice he is going to make will likely put him to bankruptcy. I doubt that any of the major banks will lend him money for the land due to the conditions stated by government, but one of the less reputable finance companies may do.

 

 

I spoke with my counsellor about it this morning. He was talking about how a lot of men manipulate each other and the problems that can be caused by that. Not to say that there aren't women who don't manipulate men or each other. I don't know why his friend had to drag David into this. Originally, the friend wanted David to go halves with him, but now he has talked David into buying the block next door to him instead. There is a lot of poverty and unemployment in the region. David doesn't have work there. His friend has already been divorced twice and I guess wants to have his old friend next door to him. David asked me to go up there with him, but like I said, there is no work - and I happen to like the area I live in. David's business here is taking off so I think if he does this, it will be a huge mistake.

 

Please. Universe and God protect us all. Well, I won't be out of pocket myself, but I think it is likely that this will blow all our chances of getting a place together. Worse for David, I will be okay, but he won't if it falls apart.

[Silverbirch]

Brief conversation with David tonight while I was at work. He was saying he is tired and having problems keeping up with work. I suggested he go for a check-up, and he said he wouldn't. The conversation just went downhill from there. It evolved to him telling me I have no faith in him, that he will very possibly go and live at that place in the country, that he thought I was coming with him, but no worries if I'm not. This sort of thing hasn't happened with him for a while now - a couple of months. God, I hate arguments. I feel so insignificant in his life right now.

 

I saw my counsellor today and I feel worse than before I got there. It was quite a painful session for me today.

 

At least work was good. I don't know what to do right now. I know that I do love David very, very much. If it doesn't work out with him, well, I'm retiring from relationships with men. I don't want to be with anyone else. It doesn't mean that I will put up with not being treated right just to be with him.

 

Please Universe, steer me well, hold me steady, protect me and make me strong.

[Silverbirch]

Just after I typed this, he sent me a loving text and then we spoke on the phone, and he said everything is going to work out.

[journeynow]

Aww, Silver, bumps on the road...

 

It stands to reason if he's taking a big step and risk financially with the idea that you'll live there with him he would listen and give weight to your input. If it is going to work for you as a couple, it needs to work for each of you, individually. Why does David want it, or expect you to want it, if you can't have domestic animals? What happens to your ponies, pets, horses? If it is for commercial purposes only, can you even live there? It sounds very confusing.

[Silverbirch]

Yes, very confusing and frustrating for me too JN. I am quite certain he wants to buy it as an investment. The land is part of what was a military airstrip in the second world war. At one time there were 5,000 American servicemen there. The town is pretty much dead now. The airstrip can only cope with small aircraft and it is a base for flying doctor, etc.

 

It's being sold off by local government, but I do not trust them. I no longer trust David's friend - his best friend for the last 10 years.

 

David has said that he wouldn't be able to live on it (not legally anyway). The plan is to build an aircraft hangar there and rent it out then eventually re-sell the land. In between having it and selling it, there is talk of them restoring vintage motorcycles together.

 

One idea he has is for us to rent a house not too far away but then other times he says he will not be able to afford to rent and pay off the land at the same time. I don't need to write down figures because for me, it just doesn't add up. Why has his friend gone from asking him to go halves with him to buy one block, to now talking him into buying the block next door and then "helping each other" to erect airport hangars.

 

I know this is going to sound paranoid, neurotic and invasive, but it struck me quite suddenly how alike this "friend" is to his father who basically abandoned David, his siblings and mother for 8 years. He never even contacted David in that time. Like his father, his friend will nearly always show up unannounced, will talk non-stop, and even David says that after he has been there for an hour, he wishes he would go. It's weird because when he gets up to go, it usually takes about another hour before he finally drives off.

 

Is this just co-incidence or are they really alike? They look a LOT alike (friend and D's father). Both brought up on dairy farms. Both employed in electronics industry. Both have pilot's licenses. Both interested in engineering projects and always have something on the go. Both divorced twice and currently alone. They both have the same type of forceful personalities and when they are about, it's all about them. D knows a lot of people with those interests, but he keeps to himself a lot and prides himself on his independence so why have 2 such dominating people so involved in his life????

 

My life is becoming stable and good things happening - mostly. I don't want to walk away from that to start up again because of a man. To date, that has never worked out for me. Yes, I would like to live in the country eventually, but I have seen a couple of other regions which I am certain are much more feasible financial investments and also offer a much better lifestyle.

 

When he rang me last night, he said something to the effect of "No decisions made yet, and hopefully we will work things out together, but it takes time." I know I have to be very careful what I say to him, to step back and let him make his own mistakes, but knowing how those mistakes may influence our future together is very hard.

[Silverbirch]

I was speaking to a friend today about all of this, and I hadn't ever mentioned anything to her about asking the universe for help. I had said to her something like: "I wish his father would just go away, at least for a while because D and I don't have many opportunities to be alone - except for when everyone has gone home and we are alone in bed, and then so tired, we fall asleep." In fact, quite often, I have fallen asleep on the couch.

 

She said: "You need to go about asking The Universe for things in a different way - in a positive way because you are asking in a negative way - asking for the things you don't want, and then The Universe sends those things to you. Instead of asking for his father not to be there, you should ask to have good quality time alone with him with fun, loving and affection."

 

I told her she was right and I will try it so that is what I am asking for.

[Realitynut]

oh SB....those men are USERS.....no one else want's to be around them, but David won't be a big 'meanie' and tell them to go home. Cuz he's the strong silent type, these 'people' can yak and yak and yak....and David just nods and listens. They think he's enjoying their company, when he' not. So they are using his time, using his money, using him....cuz they CAN!!! David is enabling that persona, by allowing them to sort of bully him into things he's not sure about. He wants to be a big strong man, so he makes a decision...with his buddy....and then doesn't want you to question it!

 

arrrgghhh...not good. And i would hate dad hanging around all day too. Too bad you just can't hang around David, sit on his lap and lavish him with kisses....and drive dad away!

 

When Dan's best friend would come over, i use to go upstairs and pout. Well...that was just fine for Dans buddy.....he had time then with DAN. Dan use to tell me, just come down and hang with us, that will drive Nick away faster!!!! lol But Dan could never tell his buddy to go home....sheesh.

 

((((hugs)))))

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Carla,

I just posted another thread about hating his father. I feel like a B but truly, I cannot stand him. I think that what his father did - leaving and not contacting him and the abuse beforehand - has had a profound effect on David. My counsellor believes that deep down, David is desperate for acceptance and love from his father. That's got a lot to do with why he can come accross as macho with women but allow his father and his friend to walk all over him. I get it with my head but not my emotions because I am the type that I could always deal with that sort of thing without even being mean. It peeves me too that I see my Mum who is such a wonderful person, who has been such a great mother - and she is so far away from me and we miss each other and then here is this old Poop who doesn't deserve what he thinks he is entitled to with his children.

 

LOL. you made me laugh with what you said about coming down to drive his friend away. D has told me that after an hour of his friends company, he has run out of things to say and it always seems that when this guy comes around he is in the middle of doing something which he really needed to finish. Then I'm the one he is grumpy with.

 

Oh, this friend of his, the second wife left him and moved interstate and the version we get is that she wanted to be with her family. He also said resentfully many times to David that it annoyed his friend immensely that his wife was in "Granma mode". I think she was only late 40's or early 50's and men like that get resentful because they want to be the babies and the focus of all love and affection. Blah, grosses me out. Strangely or not, David has a small number of female friends (some clients, some ex-pilots) and I get on with them and like them a lot and am told it is mutual. It's icky to me too that this "friend" is so like David's father.

 

THANKS SO MUCH FOR REPLYING. I'VE BEEN DOWN TODAY ABOUT THIS AND REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR POST. XXXXX

[Silverbirch]

So much of what I ask The Universe for has been brought to me. Last Sunday, after I finished work, I went out for a casual dinner with D. He had told his father not to come over which surprised me a lot. He wasn't in a very good mood though which was disappointing. He says it's because he is stressed about money and work.

 

Anyway, I have been asking The Universe for sort of little things too. As I suffer from aches from work, I asked if God/Universe could please find me a futon bed which I could afford. Within 2 days, I happened to be driving past the local goodwill store, and apparently, they had just put out a wooden double futon bed made from dark-colored wood - matches the decor perfectly, and they charged $25 for it. Of course I bought it and next asked for a futon mattress to fit it. I looked about to get a new one and that was disheartening. Even just a foam mattress started at around $300. Well, I managed to find one today somebody sold me for $40 in very good condition. I've put a new cover on it and made it extra comfy with doona's which I have no other use for.

 

The Universe also seems to be helping me with work with more good things happening on the work front.

 

I must sound so ungrateful, but today I feel sad. I have this feeling I haven't had for quite some time - it's this knowing and feeling that I don't belong in this world - I'm not of this world. My family and close friends tell me I'm a very gentle and sensitive person. I've seen some things people do to each other and I don't really understand why people do those things. Oh, yes, they can have excuses but they are not good reasons. I feel sad about something happening in my personal life which I've struggled with for some time.

 

I know that I wouldn't do away with myself - except perhaps euthanasia if I knew that I was going to die anyway. I started to think about dying - very calmly - and I wondered if dying is like "Going Home". I wonder if I will see my father and grandparents and if it is a really good place that we all go to eventually. I think it probably is because of people who have had psychic experiences and contact with the other side. I think some of that is true - and if it is - there is no real reason to be frightened of dying.

[Silverbirch]

I have to go to a staff meeting today and give a presentation so appreciating any help from The Universe for it to go well and have positive results. Thank You.

[Silverbirch]

I'm pottering about doing bits of housework here and there this morning before I get ready to go to a meeting. I was lounging on my futon in my living room which I've begun sprucing up with various size and shape cushions. Beside the bed is a large almost ceiling to wall sized window. The view is very nice and a mob of around 10 kangaroos hopped past perhaps 20 feet away. I felt so fortunate to be here and a realisation of how good my life is. I am so looking forward to going to my dance class on Friday and then Saturday will be able to go to nearby art and food markets where I am likely to see people I know and have a chat. I've worked almost every weekend for around 11 months except for one Saturday when I was unwell (and sneaked off to the markets which made me feel so much better). I know a woman who goes there every week with her fleet of ponies and she takes children for rides. I also know a local painter who I have a great rapport with. She's a lovely person and likely to be there. Since her husband died tragically around 3 years ago, her whole life has turned upside-down and inside-out. She also lost her home at that time and has moved into a township - a very nice township mind you.

 

I had slept on the futon last night due to the heat - and also wanting to try it out. When I woke, my cat and little dog were snuggled beside me and I really felt like we are all family - even though they are not people - they are very loving and affectionate and like to play - and are always happy to see me. My dog is very protective of me and alerts me if anyone comes onto the property.

 

Well, lots to do. I'd better get to it.

[Silverbirch]

Please Universe, thank you and please help me continue to be strong. Thank you.

[journeynow]

Yes, Universe, I second that notion. Be there for Silverbirch, please support her in all ways most beneficial!

 

With gratitude,

JN

[Silverbirch]

Hugs JN and THANK YOU. I just came back home briefly before I head off to work. I met the women at the middle-eastern dance group had been on a 2 month break, and then we all went out to lunch. It was just lovely. I shouldn't be surprised, but it came up in conversation that there is an official group which meets in the village called "Bohemian Women's Society". Apparently, I already know some of them. It's a not for profit organisation which raises money for the community. They have a store which is open the first Sunday every month. Some of the members are artists, and they sell goods they produce there to raise money for community projects. They also meet for friendship, dinners, movies and sometimes a moon-dance! LOL. Well, I've missed out this month, but will pop in next month. Highly likely they are also involved in the yarn-bombing of trees - remember I posted the photos??

 

Thank You God and The Universe for lifting me up and keeping me strong, and for all the good things, and there are many in my life.

[Silverbirch]

Tomorrow morning, I will have 3 small tumors removed under general anaesthetic, and will have targeted chemotherapy with Mitomycin. There has been a big mess-up with the hospital and I should have been informed of this 10 days ago, but only found out yesterday. My son is going to take care of me, and I'm extremely grateful for this. I feel bad that he is taking the day off work for me. I feel like I should be the mother taking care of him and not the other way around.

 

Feeling very emotional right now and scared. Because of the mess-up with the hospital, I am having to take an extra shift on at work today (which was supposed to be my day off) as I won't qualify for sick leave pay until next week. I will get home late tonight then have to leave home tomorrow morning at 6.30am.

 

Knowing I am having the chemo makes it all become so much more real. I have a big day ahead of me at work today and I'm tired. Please Universe and God, help me however you can. Thank You.

[journeynow]

((((HUGS)))) Silverbirch,

 

Remember to take one moment at a time, and breath.

 

I don't blame you for feeling anxious. The best you can do is relax and let go of worry and uncertainty, best for your body and state of mind, and your doctors. Who knows, the Universe may be providing the perfect set up and your knowing sooner or planning ahead may not have helped.

 

May all work out perfectly and better than you could have imagined! I'll be thinking of you.

[Silverbirch]

Thank You so much JN. I greatly appreciate your thoughts and posts and the lovely things you sent me. XXXX