camus154 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 His mom doesn't matter! You're hell bent on justifying your anger towards him for taking your money, rather than smacking your own forehead for offering it in the first place. Take some responsibility here and stop worrying over things that aren't any of your business. If he proves to be a flub with money long term, then deal with that when you cross that bridge. Right now that's just an excuse to be mad at him. Link to comment
klvd Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 You don't see how you are trying to dicatate -- you say it in one breath -- and follow up w/ saying how angry his behavior makes you. You seem to think it is okay for him to take from his mother, but not from you. It isn't right for him to live beyond his means. You are involving yourself in his situations because you want him to be someone he is not -- a responsible adult. I think the marriage thought should be a long way off. I think that after many years of being responsible and practicly on his own even when he lived at home he has finally hit a rough patch and needs help and i dont think that it is ok for him to take from his mom and not from me, i feel she is more suited to help than i and im human so ofcurse i cant help but feel hurt that i feel obligated to help because he wont ask his mother, but its anger i should keep to myself and let go. Marriage is a long off thought, but it is still a thought. Link to comment
klvd Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 His mom doesn't matter! You're hell bent on justifying your anger towards him for taking your money, rather than smacking your own forehead for offering it in the first place. Take some responsibility here and stop worrying over things that aren't any of your business. If he proves to be a flub with money long term, then deal with that when you cross that bridge. Right now that's just an excuse to be mad at him. I'm not mad at him for accepting my money!! I would have forced him to take it if he had denied. look at it this way: if you are in a long term loving relationship and the person you care so deeply for is suddenly struggling, suddenly cant afford gas to come see you, has to return the outfit he bought a day later, has to turn off his cell phone and live off of canned food. OF COURSE you are going to help. i do not regret helping him out. however it does anger me the second time around to hear him complain of money problems again because his mother is more suited to help and i asked him to go to her. no he doesnt expect money from me but as mentioned what else am i supposed to do, watch him suffer? Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 You would have forced him --- and yet you are mad because he did. The person is struggling because he is spending his money frivously -- you said this yourself. And until you decide to stop being his mommy, he will continue to act like a child. His mother is more suited to help. She has no need to help. You are enabling his behavior. Yes, "watch him suffer" --- because he won't. He will find another patsy to mooch off of. Link to comment
klvd Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 You would have forced him --- and yet you are mad because he did. The person is struggling because he is spending his money frivously -- you said this yourself. And until you decide to stop being his mommy, he will continue to act like a child. His mother is more suited to help. She has no need to help. You are enabling his behavior. Yes, "watch him suffer" --- because he won't. He will find another patsy to mooch off of. He is not mooching off of me!!!!!! and im not mad he took the money!! im bitter he didnt say hey my broke gf is giving me money maybe i should ask someone more suited to help me bc i need help." that is all and ive learned that i need to let that expectation go and let the big boy handle it on his own and not bother pushing him to see his mom Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 He is mooching off you. He has a full time job, you have a part time job. And he asks you for money. And brings you to the store so you can watch him buy dented cans of food for dinner. Please. The man has zero self respect. And then he pays you back. And then he asks for money again. You cannot see the forest thru the tress. You are bitter. Not angry. My mistake. And again -- do you not see he should LIVE WITHIN HIS MEANS. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Just by virtue of being his longterm live-in partner you are the peson he should be turning to for help - not his Mum. It's not his rough times or your rough times - they belong to both of you. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 None of you can afford to live, so I think it's time to go back and live with mommy and daddy.......... Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 So.. do you live together or not? It's not clear in the description. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 This is exactly what happens when young people venture out into the world and start playing house.\ I think it's nice that you don't want him to suffer, I don't think any of us here with a heart would want to watch someone we love suffer. That being said, the fact that he can't manage his money and you can, well that's not him suffering that is him being irresponsible. I have bills to pay every month.....rent, car payment, car insurance, cell phone, cable, utilities and groceries plus whatever other expense may pop up unexpectedly. Now I could very well go out and spend 10.00 dollars for lunch 5 days a week but that wouldn't be smart because that is 50.00 dollars more a week that I would have toward another expense should it come up so I choose to pack my lunch. Instead of buying a can of soda for a dollar out of the machine, I buy a 12 pack from the store for 2 dollars and change. I'm being responsible. Your boyfriend is willy nilly with his money because he knows he can fall back on you to bail him out of a dilemma. Let him learn from experience that if he can't pay his bills because he is frivilous with his money and his phone gets cut off I'm sure he'll learn really quick how to handle money a little better next payday. Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom a little. He's not going to die if his phone gets cut off and he's not going to die if he misses a truck payment. He needs to learn responisibility. Link to comment
sunnyhappydays Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 This is exactly what happens when young people venture out into the world and start playing house.\ This. 100% This. Link to comment
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