IM THE DEVIL..NEED HELP

[babydacarilover]

Hey everyone,

I have a huge situation on my hands, I slept with my best friends boyfriend. Not only is she my best friend, she is also my neighbour, i work with her, i go to school with her, i get to and back from school from her, and i party with her like everyweekend. I know it was completely wrong, but it was him that iniciated the whole thing, and i was drunk. They have been together for 5 months. ive never felt as low as i do now, i honestly cant live knowing i did this. and i cant imagine what she would do if she found out...What do i do?

 

Please i need everyones advice! im freaking out..please everyone give mme thier advice

[sisterlynch]

You can't take it back, and you can't really blame him, because it seems to me that you are a little more invested in the relationship with the woman then the guy is....

 

Do you want to continue to see him? Or do you want to forget the whole thing.

 

I don't know what others are going to say about this idea: I think that you should tell her yourself. It is the kind of secret that is going to tear you apart inside and she probably won't seem to be the same to you now that you are the "other woman," and common you are not the devil...

 

You made a mistake. And I think that she needs to know that the guy isn't being honest. Break it to her gently, over a week or so, let her down little by little...

[JynX]

I agree with sisterlynch. The best thing you can do is simply tell her. If you wait too long and she finds out (believe me, she will eventually..things like this always always come out), she's going to be mad at you for sleeping with him AND for not telling her the truth. After all, best friends keep no secrets between each other, right?

 

If your friendship is strong, you'll get through this bump...it will take time, but it's possible. If it's not strong, however, you may lose her as a friend.

 

JyNx

[JustBlazeBabe]

If i were you i would talk to the guy first and figure out what the deal is between the 2 of you. And second i would tell her yourself what happened before she hears it from someone else. If you tell her at least she will have respect for you for telling her something that is so hard to say. If she finds out from someone else or her boyfriend, you guys are toast, there will be no 2nd chance for you. Now she will feel betrayed by you, and thats understandable. And realize that this could be the end of your friendship, you definatly crossed the line. But that doesnt mean you cant gain her friendship back. Be prepared to have to figth for her friendship and for her trust again. Over time i believe you guys will be able to work things out because it sounds like you guys have a very strong friendship. -----Good luck!!

[Meow18]

Well, its good you realize what you did was wrong because it was, whether he started it or not.

 

So what if you were drunk. I mean, its like people blame their actions on the beer, and I understand that when you are drunk, your more likely to do things you wouldn't normally do, but seriously, if you know that you can't control your actions when you are drunk, why get drunk?? Obviously this experience has shown you that you will do things you will regret.

 

Anyways, I'm not going to lecture you, but you have to be honest with her. She's your best friend and she needs to find out from you, not someone else. She might be mad at you, I mean, I know if my best friend did that, I would be pissed. However, you need to tell her.

 

As wrong as what you did was, you kind of did her a favor. Obviously her boyfriend was a jerk to cheat on her. That just shows that he's not a trustworthy guy who deserves your friend. However, it also kind of shows that you aren't a trsutworthy friend, and if she does accept your apology, she's probably not going to ever trust you like she used to again.

 

You can't take back what you did. All you can do is be honest with her. That's what she deserves.

[Mun]

You need to tell your friend what you did. You are as equally responsible for what happened as her boyfriend is. There is no telling what she will do--some girls will forgive the boyfriend and blame the friend entirely .

 

Bottom line is that you should own up to your actions. Part of being an adult is admitting when you have been wrong. Let this be a lesson about honesty and responsibility--it will help form your character.

 

You are sorry about what happened, that's a good start.

[Day_Walker]

Well you had your reasons for doing what you did. I dont believe in the excuse "i was drunk" its a cop out. What you need to do is think why you would do this to your best friend? You have to think about the consequences of your actions, look at how your best friend would handle the situation, then make the decision if you are going to tell her what happened or not.

[melrich]

Well I'll differ from the other posters here. If this was a one off and you are not going to pursue it (and neither is he) I would not tell her. You'll have to live with the guilt and you know you did the wrong thing but sometimes things are best left unsaid. I do not see what good can come from telling her.

 

(I'd qualify this and say if she is likely to find out from any other source then it would be preferable to break the news yourself)

[tea]

Nooo don't tell her. I'm sure she would like to know, but don't tell her. Just stop doing whatever you're doing and live with the guilt.

 

Yeah, I told my bf if he cheats on me he has to tell me too, but that's only because then I have to dump him.

[Meow18]

Why shouldn't she tell her. She's her best friend. If my best friend slept with my boyfriend, I would want to know. I would be mad at my friend, I might not ever talk to her again but I also might one day forgive her, but I would for sure dump my boyfriend.

 

Tea, you said that you would want to know if your boyfriend cheated on you because you would want to dump him. Well shouldn't her friend know that her boyfriend cheated on her for the same reason?

 

You need to come clean with your friend. SHe's your best friend and you don't keep secrets like this from your best friend, especially when it effects their life. What if she finds out from someone else? She will be more upset at you if she doesn't find out from you.

[tea]

I said that because sometimes telling the truth doesn't help anyone. If the couple still want to be together, and nothing will happen from this day on, then sometimes it's best to keep everything quiet.

 

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

 

... usually when the parties that are doing you wrong are feeling very very very guilty and won't ever do it again, ignorance is bliss.

[sisterlynch]

I know that you probably mean well, but a 5 month relationship can end without people being that shook up, can't they?

 

What if the guy tells the girl that they slept together and her girlfriend was to blame? then she will keep the guy and lose the girl, right?

 

Oh, well, in this case, I feel that telling is better then not telling, who knows maybe the one writing the post is better suited for him than the other woman?

 

I think that the one that is less guilty will show they are right.

 

Wouldn't you want to know if your best friend has slept with your bf?

[Mun]

Yeah, I told my bf if he cheats on me he has to tell me too, but that's only because then I have to dump him.

 

Tea you said this very well, maybe if you could place yourself in her friends shoes you might realize why she deserves to know.

 

She should have the same option(to keep or not keep the boyfriend) that you want.

 

How are we going to change our (bad)behavior if we don't have to endure the consequences for our choices? She should confess to her friend and hope that she is a better person and can one day forgive her.

 

She may lose a friend, but she will have cleared her conscience and accepted responsibility for her actions; Something that seems to be lacking in today's society--and I'll leave it at that.

[Meow18]

Well no one knows how bad the boyfriend feels. He probably thinks he can get away with it. Obviously he is for now because she doesn't know if she should tell her friend. If he was so willing to sleep with the best friend, then how willing do you think he would be to sleep with any other girl?

 

In my opinion, if a guy cheats, he's not worth a second chance. How can they be trusted again? I would always worry that he's out cheating on me again, no matter how sorry he was. Obviously this guy has no self control. Whats going to stop him from cheating a second time if he's not caught the first time?

 

I think she has a right to know. Its about her. Whatever she chooses to do after she finds out is her choice.

[Cecelius]

You need to decide what the right thing is and do it (and not to make yourself feel better).

 

BUT, I've said this many times: DO NOT TALK TO THE B/F about the event if you have any hope of staying friends with the girl.

 

Perhaps women are different, but as a man, if my g/f cheated then discussed it with the guy I would be (1) disgusted with the cheating and (2) positively repulsed at the additional "conspiratorial" communication. Nothing will make your friend feel like you guys betrayed her AND then decided what was right for her like you discussing it with her b/f. Since you both did the wrong thing, she has the right to be ticked at each of you individually. Don't make it a joint issue.