cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 You're making sex out to be this big deal when it really doesn't make that big of difference in the scheme of things when it comes to relationships. That statement is just yet another example of the pity-party and victimhood you've CHOSEN for yourself. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I've had a boyfriend not only abandon me for no reason, but FLAUNT a relationship in my face (we worked together at the time), including massive PDA, right in front of me, two weeks after we broke up. Seriously, I only dwelled on it in similar manner to what you're doing for 9 months (which is a long time, really), but I got therapy for it... what you are doing here is very sick, unhealthy, and is only serving to ruin YOUR life. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 You grew up normally. You weren't a virgin at 28, with no kissing. So you've developed coping mechanisms that I can't. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Part of growing up into an adult is realizing the absolute truth of this statement: "My life is as it is as a result of choices I have made, NOT as a result what other people have done to me." Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Of course my story and experiences are different from yours, thus me telling you the details probably will not help you, because you will only point out those differences. But yes, I had my heart severely broken when someone who I loved with all my heart decided he didn't want to stay in the relationship mainly due to life circumstances rather than any specific issues between us. I had serious trouble understanding where he was coming from, since no explanation he gave was good enough at the time for me. Just look at the many threads here: there is hardly an ex who can say the right words to the person who they have left, because no reason ever seems acceptable at the time. - The acceptance only came from WITHIN. It took me a seriously long time to really let go of him - but in the meantime, while I was licking my wounds, I also worked extremely hard on myself to become an independent, strong person, go after my individual dreams and aspirations, so that when I would be ready to meet someone new, I would truly be ready: emotionally, mentally, from a financial point, from an educational/professional point. The accepting and letting go, wasn't an overnight event, but a process. So everyday not starting/working on that I would consider a lost day in reaching my dreams. One of the things that strike me throughout many of your posts is the word 'abandoning'. It's a word that I don't use in context with my broken relationships, because nobody owes me a relationship, no matter what our history or emotions may have been. I am not a child and the other person is not my parent who owes to take care of me and who would indeed abandon me if they were to disappear from my life. Any other person not being my parent has the right to chose to stay a part of my life or not. I may not like what they decide - but I won't consider it their 'duty' to have to remain my friend or my partner. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Also, at one point, you were what he wanted. I have never been wanted. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Penelope, I never got to be with her in the first place. At least you can look back and remember being intimate with him. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 You grew up normally. You weren't a virgin at 28, with no kissing. So you've developed coping mechanisms that I can't. YOU have NO idea how I grew up!!! You know NOTHING about me!! I have NEARLY BEEN KILLED as the result of an abusive relationship, I have been stalked, bruised and beaten, I have had horrendous, disgusting people take advantage of me, I have had manipulative boyfriends give me STD's because they were CHEATING on me. NO, I GOT HELP FOR MYSELF. I used to pity myself, like you, until I got HELP and WORKED on how to be the healthiest person I could possibly be! I had to WORK to build a healthy sense of self, self-esteem, and boundaries. It has taken YEARS of work, but don't you DARE try to credit ANYONE else, or my so-called "normal" upbringing you've formed in your head about me, other than ME for MY hard work I've done on myself. YOU are the only one who can make the choice to do better for yourself. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 The fact that you are a virgin, and all this stupid kissing B.S. doesn't make a damn bit of difference in where you've chosen to go with your life. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I'm not arguing with you about whose situation is worse (as stated before, there is no point. Pain is immeasurable when it comes to emotional pain). If it helps, I even concede your situation may be worse. The point is the I chose not to remain stuck in the pain - while you are still sitting there, saying: "I want to be stuck here, because i've got it worse than anyone else ever in the history of mankind". Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Pain may be immeasurable, but it's easy to see that being able to have a complete life that includes sexuality is better than living as asexual when you're not. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Seriously, I never look back at my past relationships and think "at least I got to bed them". I take the experiences from the past to help me with my future, because that is what I want to focus on and enjoy. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Ok, yes. You have it worse than anyone else. Now what? Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 It's not about "bedding" someone. It's about intimacy and the feeling of being close to another person, as well as the pleasurable feelings of sex itself. It's a very empty feeling when you're a non-asexual person approaching 30 and you have no idea what that feels like. It's a very lonely and unfair feeling. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 And I imagine it's bad even if you DIDN'T have someone you wanted so badly to experience that with. I was in love with someone and wanted that with her more than anything in the world. Instead, I have nothing but sadness and no faith in love anymore. Link to comment
camus154 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 It's not about "bedding" someone. It's about intimacy and the feeling of being close to another person, as well as the pleasurable feelings of sex itself. It's a very empty feeling when you're a non-asexual person approaching 30 and you have no idea what that feels like. It's a very lonely and unfair feeling. You keep tossing out the words "fair" and "unfair". Please tell me who told you in your early childhood that life would be fair? It's not. Break ups aren't fair. Lay-offs aren't fair. Dying of starvation, poverty, or genocide isn't fair. Life isn't fair. You've moved on from talking about this ex friend of yours to your present situation, being alone and a virgin. So how many dates have you gone on in the 6 years since this friendship ended? How many people have you approached? What have you done in that time to put yourself out there? Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 I am truly sorry you went through that. You seem angry and it's hard for me to really talk to someone who is angry. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 It's not about "bedding" someone. It's about intimacy and the feeling of being close to another person, as well as the pleasurable feelings of sex itself. It's a very empty feeling when you're a non-asexual person approaching 30 and you have no idea what that feels like. It's a very lonely and unfair feeling. This is just further proof that you're refusing to let go of your victim stance. Sex is not that special. It really isn't, especially in the grand scheme of things, like I said, and in relationships. You're just using that as a means to further your broken thinking patterns and victimhood. It's the very definition of insanity. And no, nobody is going to want to get close to you with your horrible, negative attitude and eternal-victim-status mentality. Sorry to be harsh, but it's the truth. And it's something you can CHANGE, but you seem hell bent on never doing that. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I am truly sorry you went through that. You seem angry and it's hard for me to really talk to someone who is angry. I'm not angry, it's that you AREN'T listening to the advice people are giving you, and you're making HUGE assumptions about me, and others! Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 So how many dates have you gone on in the 6 years since this friendship ended? How many people have you approached? What have you done in that time to put yourself out there? Zero dates. Zero people. I had interest in a coworker, but that was also not returned. I don't know how to put myself out there. It seems like people just go through life and it just happens, for me it just doesn't happen. Link to comment
camus154 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Zero dates. Zero people. I had interest in a coworker, but that was also not returned. I don't know how to put myself out there. It seems like people just go through life and it just happens, for me it just doesn't happen. It doesn't "just happen" for most people. Maybe you've heard of this thing called online dating? Lots of people are doing it If you don't know how to put yourself out there, do you think maybe it's worth figuring that out? Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 You seem angry and it's hard for me to really talk to someone who is angry. ..... I am lost for words! Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 ..... I am lost for words! LMAO!! Right? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I am truly sorry you went through that. You seem angry and it's hard for me to really talk to someone who is angry. I, for one, am really taken back by your sarcasm to people who are genuinely trying to help. Link to comment
cadmiumblue Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Sarcasm? I'm not being sarcastic. Link to comment
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