how do i win his interest back?

[bootowserbow]

I have been going out with my boyfriend in a steady relationship for ten months. He is everything a want, we have fun and i know he truley loves me.

the problem is I think he is losing interest. If i dont suggest nights out or holidays- we wouldnt go anywhere. I never get small tokens of affection and he just seems to act like he is going out with me as a duty.

I do everything for him and this could be the start of the problem i cook, clean, take him places, shower him with affection. basically he knows im there no matter what! should i play games and let him chase me more?

Last night was my deciding point that something had to be done.

Normally we see each other 5/7 night a week, so he never came to my house after work. I called him at his parents where he lives and he was there. he said his dad was cooking dinner so he had to go. (i was not bothered by this) I was bothered by the fact he hadnt let me know. then during a very disinterested and short conversation he said "is that all you called for?" "ok see you next week"- now dont get me wrong this is his humour trying to wind me up, but its insensitive especially when i am trying to win back his love.I do know deep down he loves me but he doenst appreiciate me just now.

 

Help- how can i get his interest back!

[toolgirl150]

Well, I think the first thing you need to do is talk to him. Seriously. Directly. He needs to know that you are concered about his apparent lack of interest and his drifting away. It sounds like he's drifting away. Don't you hate guys that do that?

 

On a woman to woman note: You do way too much for him. And he is treating you accordingly: doormat. And he has come to expect certain things from you and know that you will not put up a fuss. I am the first person to advocate against game playing - but I think you need to make yourself a little less available. A little less a accomodating. This doesn't mean you turn your back and become a hard nosed witch. Just quit beig his maid, cook and mother.

 

But back to the original problem. You need to meet with him, face to face and let your issues be heard. And not in a beggy-whiny I need you kind of way. More of a I'm feeling taken for granted and I think your loosing interest in this relationship and I need to be treated better kind of way.

 

First things first - don't suffer in silence. Let him know!! He is falling down on his end of this relationship.

[aradia]

You need to back off! I have been where you are, but only realised what i could have done - AFTER he dumped me!

 

First you need to stop doing everything for him. BUT not let it bother you if he doesnt do anything instead. Stop phoning him for a few days, and stop always suggesting things and organising things.

 

I betcha if you first off just stop phoning him, or be 'too busy' to see him some nights, then that instantly picks at his curiosity as it presents a challenge.

 

Im not talking about being rude or creating too much distance, just a bit of backing off on your part will make him realise what he has and he will run back towards you again.

 

If you dont often go out with friends, start doing it more. Or take up a new interest - purely on your own.

 

Dont be a fool like me and think "oh no, if i spend less time with him, then he'll be even less interested, and i'll never see him"

 

This is wrong! You dont want to smother him, you want to keep him interested and as they say 'absense makes the heart grow fonder'

 

Good Luck.

[Alla_Aleks]

Dear bootowserbow

I don't think you have big reason to worry about. It' usual that men get lazy after relationship gets steady. He doesn't have to win you anymore and to be the best.

 

But I agree with others you don't have to spend all your time thinking where to go out with him or what to cook for him or smth. Live your life! Meet your friends, go in for some kind of sport etc. Do what you want to do. It will work.

 

Take it easy!

Best regards, Alla_Aleks

[Yankster]

i agree with toolgirl150

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

I agree with toolgirl, too. The foundation in any relationship is communication. My rule in life is: "Communication leads to a better understanding."

 

Before you start to communicate, set boundaries for yourself. See what you find acceptable and what you wouldn't accept in your relationship. This is not as black & white as I wrote it, but having boundaries helps you in your decisions. See how your b/f meets those boundaries and what needs to be improved. Then communicate those things that you miss and would like to improve. See where you can meet each other halfways. Last but not least: evaluate, evaluate & evaluate. Be careful not to overrespond, though. It's not like that you have to evaluate everything, but every now and then it's useful to see where the two of you stand.

 

I wish you good luck and a bright future. I hope that things will work out the way you have them planned.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[bootowser]

I have to say this is a great community! you get sound advise from those you have been there before...all of my advise led me in the same direction. Do less, care less, accomplish more! Its already working...calling me when im out shopping(for me not him) calling me later on to see how my day was? Surprising me by having dinner ready!!

Now all i have to do is keep up the good work!

 

Thanks everyone - your great!