TG1 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'm new here If anything whenever I come over to her house and I feel like kissing her, she always pulls away from me or even if I want to hold her close to me or hold her in my arms from behind holding her by her waist, she fears that I'm going to hurt her or something, or is it just me? Because I just want to show her how affectionate I can be and she knows that I love her and I know that she loves me, but am I doing something wrong? I need a FEMALE PERSPECTIVE HERE!!!!!! So I come out with it and ask her that if the reason why she isn't affectionate with me is because she is being affectionate with someone else and that is why she doesn't want to come near me but she tries to assure me that that isn't the case at all, like I feel like sometimes that she doesn't love me as much as I love her but that I just want to show her just how much I love her, but I feel like sometimes she doesn't trust me or whatever We haven't even had sex yet, so I wonder what the problem is, and I feel like kissing her, but maybe she just isn't the kissing type, I don't know, I guess I am grasping at straws here Because I feel like I fight with my girlfriend more than we are happy, and I really really do love this girl, so much that she means everything to me. But the reason we fight so much is because I just feel so insecure. I feel like she could cheat on me with the next available guy and I always accuse her of cheating on me even though she swears she hasn't. I don't know if I should believe her or not because something in my gut has been telling me that she has been cheating or is it because I am a jealous guy? I feel like whenever she wants and or needs something from me or if she wants to spend time with me, I am always there for her but whenever I need something or I want something even if it is for her to spend time with me, she says she wants to but last minute she always flakes on me Those are the problems that I have gone through with her in the past just describing it all to its entirety but anyways now in the present, in the here and now I feel that with my girlfriend the last thing that I ever want to do is hurt her since me and her just got back together and I feel that things are in a good place at least for now, and since things are in such a great place right now, I lied to her but not in the way you would think. I lied to her in terms of telling a white lie by telling her that I was going away for 2 weeks but in actuality I am not, I just said that because personally I need time away from her because I feel that the more time I spend with her, the more likely I am to hurt her somehow and believe me that is the last thing I ever want to do in this world is hurt her. I love her too much to hurt her and believe me when I say that I have had my fair share of problems with her in the past in terms of honesty and trust but I feel that by lying to her, I am protecting her from myself because I want to take things slow because I feel like if we rush things along in our relationship, the more likely I am to hurt her or the more likely she is to hurt me somehow since she has also hurt me in the past. Anyone have any advice for me in this situation!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
TG1 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 So again all advice from the female or male perspective wouldn't hurt Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 It really sounds like she just not that into you. I think it's time to just move on from this on again off again relationship. You really need to work on your insecurity issues too. If someone is making you insecure with their behavior it needs to be addressed in the relationship. If you're insecure and paranoid naturally, that's something you need to work on because it will ruin a relationship. Link to comment
TG1 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 It really sounds like she just not that into you. I think it's time to just move on from this on again off again relationship. You really need to work on your insecurity issues too. If someone is making you insecure with their behavior it needs to be addressed in the relationship. If you're insecure and paranoid naturally, that's something you need to work on because it will ruin a relationship. Yes but that was before in the past but now things are good between me and her, in fact they are so good that on her birthday which was like 4 days ago, we actually talked and we texted each other back and forth, and she actually said she missed me and I actually missed her a lot more than I think she missed me and I bought her a birthday gift but even before that the day before, she even told me then that she was frustrated because she missed me so much and that she still loved me and wanted to be with me Link to comment
amipushy Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Sounds like she is either not that into you, or is repulsed by something physical about you e.g. hygiene, breathe etc, Or would rather have any bf than none at all so puts up with you, Or is too scared to dump you because you might harm yourself or she is just gutless and cant face saying the words 'you're dumped'. Sorry Link to comment
TG1 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I feel that now with my girlfriend the last thing that I ever want to do is hurt her since me and her just got back together a few days ago and I feel that things are in a good place at least for now, and since things are in such a great place right now, I lied to her but not in the way you would think. I lied to her in terms of telling a white lie by telling her that I was going away for 2 weeks but in actuality I am not, I just said that because personally I need time away from her because I feel that the more time I spend with her, the more likely I am to hurt her somehow and believe me that is the last thing I ever want to do in this world is hurt her. I love her too much to hurt her and believe me when I say that I have had my fair share of problems with her in the past in terms of honesty and trust but I feel that by lying to her, I am protecting her from myself because I feel like if we rush things along in our relationship, the more likely I am to hurt her or the more likely she is to hurt me somehow since she has also hurt me in the past Link to comment
TG1 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I even told her that I would miss her while I was gone for the 2 weeks, I'm taking a mini-break from her because I feel that if I jinx this good thing that I have now, that is when I feel like it will all go to hell again Link to comment
TG1 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 But in the past too I would keep my distance but she would always be the one to initiate contact by wondering just what was up with me and when I wouldn't respond, she would think that I was ignoring her but when I initiated contact she would accuse me of being clingy, so hence the reason why I feel like if I keep my distance for 2 weeks or however long, she will start to wonder Link to comment
TG1 Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 So what should I do, since I am in my early 20s, I'm 22 to be exact and my girlfriend just turned 20 Link to comment
TG1 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 Anyone have any advice for me at all, please Link to comment
metrogirl Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Ok I have a question..... why is your first assumption that she's cheating? You do sound insesure just by that very assumption. Link to comment
FYI Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I'll be honest with you, it sounds like you are very clingy and I think it's driving a wedge between you and your girlfriend. I've been there and somebody who's always wanting a kiss from you every five seconds, a hug, what's wrong, why won't you hold my hand... it's kind of annoying. My ex girlfriend was like that and well, yea, she was annoying. She wanted to hug and kiss every five minutes. She'd come in, we'd kiss. Cool. Then I run upstairs to grab something, come back, kiss. Everything I did, the sequence was followed by a kiss or her wanting to hug or cuddle. I like ya and all but damn give a brother some space! She was extremely clingy at times and needed constant reassuring. If I wasn't in her face lip-locking, kissing, hugged up with her. There was a problem or either I was being distant. I like to be affectionate too, but like anything in life, if you beat a dead horse.... you follow what I'm saying? Link to comment
TG1 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 Yes I guess I can understand what you're saying, so I guess I have to change my approach then Link to comment
TG1 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 Thank you all for your feedback, now I know what I need to do Link to comment
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