How could she....

[railforte1]

Hey everyone...I'm new to this...anyway: I dated this girl for 2 years, and during these 2 years, I was quite a flirtatious person. I would talk to girls, would give them the "look," but would never act on anything at all. I never told another girl I loved her, and never became physical with any of them in any manner. Moving on, my girlfriend knew about this flirting, and often became very upset, and I would obviously become very sad and ashamed of myself. Well, finally, after her trust in me almost completely dimished, I stopped my B-S. I even stopped looking at girls all together. However, the trust with her was almost gone, and she ended up moving 2000 miles away, while making promises she would stay with me, and hoped I would do the same for her. Well, her moving accross the country crushed me, and I felt so lost and confused without this girl I knew was perfect. 2 months later...I find emails of hers from some guy...my girlfriend and this guy are writing sweet things to each other, and they plan on meeting, even though this guy is a few states away. So, I freak out, and I call her at 5 in the morning and confront her while I'm trembling and hurting deep inside. She becomes sad, then tells me this guy is special, then tells me she wants sort of a break, but that she loves me, and that nothing will happen with this guy. So...a week later, she and I are REALLY good again; I mean, we are just being sweet, cute, and great to each other. Then, the day that this guy is supposed to visit her arrives... Just before she hangs up the phone, she promises me that nothing at ALL will happen, and that she is upset in me not having faith in her... So...she doesn't call me for 3 days... Then, the guy leaves, she calls me, sounds VERY weird, and informs me that they made out quite a few times; so, once again, I freak out, and cry uncontrollably. The next week is awful; she tells me over and over that this guy is special. So, what do I do? I take a plane out to see her, and whoa, things came out great. We basically fell back in love. Kisses....embracing each other...love...other things... I ask her how she feels about this guy now and she says, "things change." So, I stay an extra day cuz she wants me to, and then I head back home, excited and feeling very loved. Then...a few days go by...and she's talking to this guy again, and its getting worse. Finally, the day arrives. I tell her that I can't take it anymore, and that I'm so hurt and disgusted in the way she claims to value trust when she herself is doing things behind my back. Then, after she almost completely loses it in anger, she says, "and you know what? I slept with him! TWICE!." After that...I was a mess. I didn't eat for 2 weeks. We talked every now and then, and she says she can not make a choice between me or him. Keep in mind that she is returning to my state right at this very moment, and that being with this other guy would be impossible until way down the road. Well...she tells me she is not in love with me anymore...however, she loves me, and the "future is undecided." She says she is VERY into this guy, and would be with him if he lived in our state, but he doesn't, and she needs time to grow, and see what the future offers her. Basically....I need to know if I'm just wasting my time... Everyone tells me that I'm her "bitch," and that I should stop wasting away to nothing over someone who cheats and goes against everything she previously claimed to oppose. Well...she never told this guy that she and I did anything while I visited her, and remains not telling him. Also, she wants for me not to tell anyone she slept with this guy, because "it's her secret." I'm so stuck over this girl...I hate/love her all at the same time, and I can't figure out what to do... I don't eat any more, and all I think about is how the scenario must have looked. I hate this feeling immensely, and hope someone can be of some help.

[brandos lovechild]

heya rail. man i was getting furious just reading your post, god knows how you must be feeling ! it's no good ppl telling you, "oh she's just a b itch,forget about her" .. because i know when love is involved things are not so simple. I think this girl really does have some demons inside her, where she is still giving you false hope, and waiting til you think things r ok again and then BAMM ! Bro she is like the Modern day delilah , i seriously think she is so messed up that she wants revenge for how u made her feel previously in the relationship. You are not to blame, i jus think she hates the fact that she used to be in love with you and now she wants to punish you. perhaps she is also very insecure, she kept you wanting her so that in case things with the new guy didn't work out, she still had you. You don't want this or any girl like this in your life ... they r like a life-sucking cancer. She is a weak person,thereforeeeeeee is enjoying the control she has over you. The fact that u keep contacting her, is enabling and reinforcing her lack of respect 4u and her evil attitude.. in a sense U R PUTTING YOUR HEAD IN THE NOOSE! sorry this had2 happen 2u man..but after this, you can take the experience and make sure no woman ever does this 2u again. good luck in life

[Ellee1]

Well put- I TOTALLY agree w/brando's lovechild. Even though u still feel in love with her & love her, you have to rid this toxic & unhealthy B.S. from your life. Only a few months of pain and you will be over it. I know it's hard to face it, but whenever you are ready, you'll be ready.

[GoDevil]

Dude I am so sorry, I've been there and I know exactly how you feel. It literally feels like someone ripped out your heart and left you to die.

Also, remember that her doing this doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. When i was cheated on I was so devastated and believed that I must be this horrible worthless person if someone could do that to me. The fact is she said she slept with him twice to you just to make you angry and to hurt you. Remember that. Do you really want to devote your love and time to someone who intentionally hurt you by exclaming that she slept with someone else? That's an easy choice man. Go get some popeye's fried chicken and red beans and rice, even though you say you can't eat, it will help you bigtime. Good luck, and don't worry it will get better just be strong!!!!

[polarbear21]

Sorry man, but you need to get rid of her. Cut off all contact. It's gonna suck, but man if you keep talking to her it is just going to make the pain go on and on and on. You will get through this but not with her. Brando's right, you are her other option and you deserve someone who won't use you. In fact it sounds like she is using both of you. Just break away from that and don't look back. There are plenty of fish out there in the sea.

[railforte1]

I just wanmted to thank all of you =) It means a lot, and I'll be sure to let you know what happens.

[shigal]

im actually that girl, and i love "rail". BUT THIS IS EFFED.

i mean.... everyday for two years i was put thru hell.. every person in school called me a loser for staying with him after all of the things he did to me. he hid me being his gf from his "friends" for like a year.

sooooo many lies he said to my face. cancelling plans: winter concert, winter ball, my 18th birthday!, and our senior prom (after i bought a dress!).. it was all bad... he had liked other girls and kissed one and "talked" to another. and SUPPOSEDLY DIDNT date one other for like 2 months. and this bitch still claims he was her first bf and they kissed and he said that he loved her....

 

i left cali to get away from that. i was fed up. and the guy i slept with was incredibly special to me! sooo much. he still is but it cant work and we're facing that. i have NEVER had a one night stand.

 

when i was away ryan and i talked like adults and it was real... it was nice. we were growing. and now im back home we're sinking into our old routine: both of us not getting over the past.

we love each other and find it difficult to live w/o one another. what can we do?

[kdreger]

Do you hear the two of you?

 

Fire and Ice.

 

You two need to spend time apart and have absolutely NO contact. After a month of not seeing or talking to each, meet. At that time tell each other how you've been and if it's worth salvaging. One or both of you might have moved on but that will answer the problem. All I see otherwise is you two making each other miserable until one of you snaps and does or says something that will keep you from even talking to each other again.