Follow-Up Question: He's Back from Vacation...

[DN]

I felt like he was defensive and snappy at certain points about certain things,

What things?

 

You may be overly pessimistic - I would wait and see if he calls before assuming anything.

[MJWasHere]

Im confused -- why do you feel its over? Becaue he didnt mention seeing you again, or seemed defensive/edgy? On the other hand, you had fun, opened up about new subjects, and made out. To me that does not signal "over".

 

I think you are just over analyzing everything. He does seem a bit wishy washy, but you are wanting him to know 100% where everythign is going and he may not know that. He is learning about you too.

[Ms Darcy]

Sometimes people hold on a friends with benefits situation ... he may be up for casual sex.

[Klokwurk]

Yes, sounds like it's over.

[minorissues]

DN - He was kind of snippy about several things, but a couple of things stood out. First, politics...we are on opposite sides of the political spectrum and though I've made it clear I don't want to argue politics with him since it's not my passion anyway and it's not worth the bad vibes, he has always insisted on going on heated tangents about political events, which he did last night. Second, there was an incident a few days before he left for vacation, where he didn't set his alarm clock and was late for work, and wanted me to walk to the train station in his suburban neighborhood (I had to work that day as well.) I asked if he could just give me a ride to the station on his way to work, completely polite and trying not to sound entitled, and he agreed but ended up hustling me out of his truck in the middle of a three lane street while stopped at a light. I was upset but also understood his side of the situation and didn't want to react rashly, so I didn't say anything at the time but I guess it showed. HE randomly brought this incident up last night, 3 weeks after it happened, and was going on about how he could tell I was pissed, it was no big deal, I should have been able to walk 50 yards like all of the other commuters, etc., even though I had never said a word about the whole thing.

 

MJWasHere - I feel like it's over because of a combination of factors. There are the ones mentioned in my OP and my last post, where he went on vacation for two weeks without contacting me, then got back last weekend and texted me saying he was back but not making any plans, and when I made plans for last night, he agreed to come see me but still didn't bother calling or texting me until we met up last night. Not to mention the way he was kind of distant and snappy last night. It's almost like the agreeing to see me and making out part were the exception to the rule. I'm not so caught up on the fact that we didn't make future plans because I generally don't do that with someone I'm regularly seeing anyway. We just make plans as plans come up, not at the end of each date, you know? Anyway, there were also factors I didn't post about, which in the context of later developments seem more dire...i.e. he would talk incessantly about his Facebook account but flat out refused on several occasions to add me as a friend; he's 40 and has never been married (allegedly) and has lived in no less than 10 states and countries for the past 20 years. So basically I always had a slight fear he was either incapable of committing to much of anything, or that he wasn't really taking me very seriously for the long term, and his actions these last few weeks seem to have been the icing on this less than delectable cake.

 

Ms Darcy - Good point, as usual. Sigh.

 

Klokwurk - Short, simple, and to the point, as usual. This is going to sound like an attempt to make you say what I want to hear, but whatever the case...why do you say that?

[Klokwurk]

"I felt like he was defensive and snappy at certain points about certain things,"

 

Yes, that is not the way a star-struck guy in the initial stages of a romantic relationships behaves.

 

"Overall though, our vibe was friendly, more so than romantic."

 

Yes, trust this feeling. He is letting his feelings known by his nonverbal vocabulary.

 

"He jokingly mentioned a few times that we should have met up in his town, which I assume had ribald implications, but when i asked why he hadn't invited me, he said "Well, you can always invite yourself!""

 

This was the clincher. This statement alone says, "You are my strictly my buddy. I am not caring or looking after you at all." Aka, he doesnt want a relationship with you.

 

I think he kissed you goodnight to feel better about himself. In his mind it says, "Well, im not that bad of a guy, look, ego, I am kissing her! I am such a great guy!" I know Ive been guilty of this.

 

I am sorry you are feeling sensitive today... Dont worry, though, you seem amazing, and my grandmother was half psychic and I think I inherited a bit of the gift when I tell you I see an amazing guy in your future.

[DN]

The ride to the station thing can be dismissed as stress, but the arguing politics when someone clearly doesn't want to would be a dealbreaker for me. It's fine for people to disagree, you just don't argue politics, plenty couples manage that. But if one insists - it gets really tedious, really fast.

[butterflybabe]

He most likely didn't talk to you during his trip, because he was busy. Most people do that while on vacation. Don't take it so personal.

 

And what do you expect him to greet you with when he returns to the country? Sounds like a perfectly fine greeting to me.

[Ms Darcy]

Sorry to hear all that ... he does not even sound like someone you would want to befriend let alone date.