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Conflict and Contradiction


ApocalypseDreams

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Thanks Cheet and Victoria!

 

Victoria, I've got some of that. I'm gonna give it a try. I'm hoping the dry mouth is more related to the summer. Yesterday it was 42 degrees and the day before it was 39 degrees, and my dry mouth has just started.

 

Cheet, I'll keep that in mind. The other great thing I've noticed is that if I accidently miss a dose, I don't have any nasty withdrawals.

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Thanks Cheet and Victoria!

 

Victoria, I've got some of that. I'm gonna give it a try. I'm hoping the dry mouth is more related to the summer. Yesterday it was 42 degrees and the day before it was 39 degrees, and my dry mouth has just started.

 

Cheet, I'll keep that in mind. The other great thing I've noticed is that if I accidently miss a dose, I don't have any nasty withdrawals.

 

I can miss about 3 days before I start feeling weird. Other people though, it messes with them quickly. I still haven't bought one of those old lady pill boxes..I really need one.

 

Again, super happy for you. I haven't seen a post like this from you in ageeeees.

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Started a group therapy program for anxiety recently and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Most of the people in the group are clients of the therapists outside the group and it's quite cliquey. I spent most of tonight silent, which is something that I really need to change if I want to get the most out of the group sessions. I often find that groups tend to get dominated by a few people.

 

One interesting thing was that we were asked to reflect on how our self esteem was today. My self esteem is very fluid and depends on the dynamics of the situation. I feel less confident when I'm around people I perceive as "better" than me - smarter, more successful, more attractive, funnier, more knowledgable, more out going etc. When I feel like I'm on par with the other people (or better off than them) in regards to these attributes, I am actually confident. Maybe this is really obvious but I've always considered myself consistently lacking in self esteem.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I went swimming for the first time in years on Saturday at an aquatic centre and LOVED it. My upper body felt like it had a good work out. Actually considering getting a membership at a public pool - it's kinda expensive though. I live right next to the beach and could probably swim there, but I really like doing laps in the lanes.

 

Gotta watch my food intake afterwards though. I've never felt so hungry as I did after swimming.

 

Oh, and today I saw someone wearing a white nationalist/neo-nazi tshirt today. When did this become acceptable?

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Been feeling rather down the past 2 months. I know it's all part of my ongoing battle with depression but every episode redefines how bad I feel.

 

I just feel hopeless, empty, apathetic.

 

I saw a thing. They said depression is not about sadness, but the lack of vitality. This is true - I already feel like I'm already dead. Pretending that I'm okay at work is difficult and comes at a massive expense to myself but I conceal how I am feeling well.

 

The weekends are really tough to get through - I haven't really been going out or seeing friends and have been spent alone ruminating on some pretty dark thoughts. One night recently, I had a compulsion to grab a knife out of my kitchen draw and violently stab myself to death.

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