Rebound relationships

[vimora]

Hi,

 

Can anyone tell me about the rebound relationships or what that's all about or it's just some stereotype that people believe in?

 

I was with my ex for almost three years and we broke up about two and a half months ago. Up until last week I was still pretty broken up about it, i even did something stupid and wrote him a letter. Anyway, he wrote back a letter where it was pretty much clear that he saw no future with me even though he still loved me

 

so this guy that I met about three weeks ago asked me out last week. I had felt some sort of chemistry build up over these short weeks and I always looked forward to seeing him. We even had some group outings with friends. I accepted the date but then realized that I wasn't ready for it. (I know, i can't stand those girls either), I called my friends and had painful talks wherein this light bulb went off and I realized I had to stop pining for my ex. As the week rolled by and my date approached I felt like maybe I needed to cancel it, since it wouldn't be fair to this guy if I was unsure.

 

We saw each other in the library the night before and apparently my girlfriend had talked to him about me being out of a relationship and how I was still messed up about it. He told me that I could get out of the date if I felt too pressured, that he knew about my ex and that he just wanted to get to know me better.

 

I agreed to see him but to let things go really slow and casual.

 

Well, my date was great! He's been on my mind for a couple of days, he's asked me out again and when I think about my ex I don't get that pang of pain, or even sadness. I'm just afraid this could be the affect of a rebound situation and not because I'm moving on or genuinely interested in this new guy. Besides it was only one date. Then again, this guy is really great and I had been asked out often these last weeks and he's the only one I even considered saying yes. see where it goes or doesn't go?

 

He brought up the subject of my ex and seems to be understanding although maybe it's an act, as I don't know him very well. He's a friend of a close friend and she completely vouches for him though. Okay, that's enough over-analizing for now.

 

What do you guys think?

[GrayBlueEyes]

I can see where you'd think this is "rebound", however, it would only be fair to give the new guy a chance. He said he wanted to get to know you better so it sounds as though he isn't in any rush for anything serious. Give him (and yourself) a chance here and see how it goes.

 

The fact that you are feeling less sad about your ex is a very good sign, IMO.

[pineapplegirl]

Good for you that you are moving on! Whether or not you really like this new guy or the feelings are just remaindered from your ex is something that will take time to figure out. Remember that hurt begets hurt, and if you feel like you may not be ready to start anew, be honest with the new guy. Enjoy his company and his time. Enjoy the attention and let yourself enjoy those things. You never know, it could've taken your ex for you to appreciate what you have with the new guy. Good luck.

[kungfumaster]

Hello vimora,

 

You know, when we heal, some people do it better by themselves, and others need a hand to hold as they climb up that hill. In the end, healing is healing. You want to maximize your healing with the friendships you build.

 

Right now, I think you would do best to heal with this new found person your interested in, as just a friend. Let it be casual. Treat him as you would treat one of your girl-friends. This would probably maximize your healing process now instead of jumping too quickly into another serious relationship, which you have already said, you feel iffy and unsure about - and that's good!

 

You have to be careful though. Emotions will run high, and maybe, if you get too close, things might happen and before you know it, you're in another bf/gf relationship which you didn't want in the beginning. So, be honest right at the start. Tell him exactlly what your friend told him - you have to own up to your own healing, take charge. As all of us plainly see, you have still some healing to do - so do it. Don't be scared of it - just say to yourself - hey, I need to do somemore grieving, letting go, etc... from my ex, and I'm not ready for a serious relationship. So, that's it. Period.

 

I'm not sure if I made a point here, but you get the gist of it right?

 

Take care.

Kung fu

[jackson5045]

hi

 

you are doing really really well

you are making yourlife work and theres very little i can give you in the way of advice

your not rushing in

your not pining for the ex

you checked his refernces

you talk stuff out with him

your honest

your being smart and careful and appear to have found something good in the way of a potential relationship

 

full steam ahead sweeti

good for you

just stay centered and youll do fine

it doesnt sound very rebound like but move at your own pace

trust yourself - you seem like you know what your doing

 

congratulations

jack

[vimora]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. Yeah, it is a matter of taking it slow and working things out in my mind, I'm not in any rush believe me.

 

You're making total sense, KungFuMaster.

 

My priorty is school right now anyway, it is midterm season. So I gotta stay focused.

 

Anyway, thanks for the feedback everyone.

 

V.

[vimora]

Hey everyone!

 

Who would've though that things were going to turn out like this. So I gave the new guy a chance and we've now been steady for 2 + months and things are beyond wonderful. I know, I know, the 3-month honeymoon phase is always wonderful but I'm so glad I gave this guy a chance, things have been great!!

 

Vimora

 

Btw, I do sometimes think about what my ex is doing but curiously enough, I'm not wondering how it would be if we were back together, or do I even want to get back together. In retrospect, the break-up was for the best. He sent me an e-mail over the holidays to wish me a happy new year but other than that I haven't contacted him at all. I thought we'd be able to try the friendship thing, but he never really was too enthusiastic about it. Anyhow, I'll really happy right now (even with all the school stress) and my father actually likes this one- thank god!

[GaveTooMuch]

Wow that sounds great. I'm slowly reaching the two month mark with the break up with my ex. I'm slowly getting to point where I have accepted the whole thing.

 

I'm was kinda worried about getting into another relationship also because I was thinking about it being a rebound and that it wouldn't be fair to the other person. I'm sure it would be much easier and a lot faster to forget about the ex if you had someone else there. The thing is I definitely do not want to use or hurt the other person since I know first hand how much it hurts. It's wonderful that you're taking things slow and that you've always been up front with the guy. I'm glad to hear that things are going so good for you. Guess it true even though in the beginning it's so hard to believe, that in the end you were better off. You enjoy and remember any lessons you learned from prior relationships. Good for you!!

[vimora]

Hey thanks for the positive comments!

 

This forum was truly helpful to me during a difficult time and you guys are great too during a happy period.

 

Hope things work out for you too GaveTooMuch!