First Love Will No Longer Be A Happy Ever After (My Thoughts)

[leftme]

This is the conclusion I have come to. There are a number of reasons but I believe it has much to do with the relaxation of social pressures to stay together when we become unhappy.

 

Relationships in my opinion in our teens and early twenties have a 3-4 year maximum life span of happiness and from that point things collapse. Mainly due to two people growing apart or believing the grass may be greener.

 

Up until 5 weeks ago I thought my 4 year relationship was the real deal. Then I found out she was no longer in love with me. We were best friends and would probably have continued to be had we not broke up. Companionship can be settled for in our late 30’s 40’s after a few years of real lustful love but young people can’t be companions. Not without knowing if the grass is greener.

 

Since the break up, i’ve found my relationship story posted all over the internet, posted by different people, from different countries and religions. Since the break up, I’ve heard things that make me not trust relationships at all.

 

Yesterday I was told of a girl who married at 21, is now 22 and 6 months pregnant that is sleeping with someone else because she thinks her husband is boring after 4 years.

 

I know a guy who’s girlfriend is sleeping with another guy and he’s playing ignorant to it because he loves her after 5 years.

 

I know a girl who left her boyfriend because they didn’t do enough stuff together anymore after 4 years. She’s now dating a guy on the other side of the planet (logic?).

 

I’ve read a million similar stories and if you do seem to get past 5, 6 or 7 years it seems the break up is even more traumatic. I guess we’re lucky to be young and single and not in one of these mundane relationships.

 

I know my ex. She wouldn’t cheat on me due to her strong morals and therefore left me to pursue this interest. I’m glad she did it this way rather than hide a second relationship from me. For this I am grateful even though it causes me great pain.

 

I wished her all the best for the future and told her I love her to the point where I am happy to let her go and find happiness.

 

I’ve kept my dignity through this situation, my eyes have been opened and I have learnt more in this 5 weeks about life than any other 5 weeks in my last 22 years.

 

I can walk around with my head held high. I can look into her eyes and say good luck. I am the better person from this and I am glad I am the dumpee.

 

/end rant.

[wowor]

The perspective has changed; that is for sure. Relationships are seen as expendable and instead of working through rough spots, it's commonplace to state that there is always someone better out there.

 

I will agree with you that being a dumpee has helped me gain perspective on my own life, and I have come up with a list of goals and accomplishments I want to achieve before getting back in the saddle. I do feel the swagger coming back a little, and it's a refreshing feeling. I have to remember it and never let it go.

[TheNewGuy]

Hey I thought a hard working, single mom in her mid 20's (when I met her) would have her priorities together and know what she wants out of life. Well after all of that was said and done, she's now a single mom of 2, I'm now a single dad of 1 and she probably still doesn't know what she wants. Figure that one out.

[Chalk]

While I'm a romantic, I'm also a bit scientific. I always wonder if people did try to work through their problems then they might grow stronger for it. I also think that hormones have a lot to do with it: lots of people seem to get married in the first few years when attraction is high. Were relationships more successful in days of old because people had less time to think & it was less socially acceptable? All the best classics are based around scandal!

 

Having been dumped from 6 year relationship which has been my first love I'm definitely learning a lot about myself. Mainly how much snot I can produce on a daily basis. Suppose some people don't get to learn.

[TheNewGuy]

I always thought it took "two" in a relationship. I thought also if you worked through things that it made you and your relationship stronger. Now people just want to quit, take the easy way out and be on their way. I blame technology, it's so easy to meet people and get that "grass is greener" feeling now a days. How can anyone rise above that?

[AAAAAAGGRRRHHH]

Anyone suspect monogamy to be the problem??

 

Seriously, the more you read these stories the more you -- I, anyway -- think that, hmmm, hey, maybe monogamy is the real problem: the expectations we have, the notion that monogamy is the way to be, that sexual exclusivity is a sign of love....

 

Something's seriously screwed up. And I'm beginning to think maybe monogamy isn't the panacea it's sold to us as being. In fact, if you think about it, the reason why people have to make such a big deal about "commitment" is because it really goes against what is natural! And isn't what is natural to be given preference??

 

Honestly, if it weren't for economics -- whether financial or otherwise (economics is about resources, of which money is only one kind) -- how many of us would really be here on these forums pining away after lost love, so-called?

 

I'm becoming more and more convinced that in order not to be hurt again, I need to seriously change. And that comes from re-examining my whole belief system about what constitutes a proper relationship. Why is my ego so invested in one?? Why should my whole sense of myself collapse as the result of one not working out -- or, to put it more accurately perhaps, simply changing, as all things must change in life???

 

I've been lied to, all right. By society. By the notion that love means a certain kind of relationship, that relationships mean a certain code of conduct, that everything must conform to some crazy ideal that empirical evidence has shown is wildly inconducive to its own fulfillment....

[leftme]

I like your post.

 

It may seem strange but when I date now I am so much less invested in it. Before the ex I was always really keen and let set backs really affect me. Now I just think "oh well, plenty more" say 3.5 billion deduct too old, too young and taken and i fancy my chances with a few hundred million.

 

I have the benefit of knowing girls want me for me. The ex has guys wanting to shag or trophy her to contend with. Hopefully she gets treated like crap a couple of times for my satisfaction aslong as she ends up happy.