Burning bridges...?

[StarrGaizer]

I guess this is a phase in my life where I am seriously reevaluating my friendships. I live in a tight-knit cultural setting among people I've known for more than 10 years. We have a community school where many of the parents are teachers and administrators, and regular Joes and Janes make up the support staff. I myself was the receptionist and for a few years provided direct support to the headmaster. The headmaster has serious mental problems and is prone to acting out and psychotic episodes. You never know what is going to set him off. He keeps these tendencies well-hidden, though, and those who have less exposure to him are apt to not believe that he is capable of horrible behavior. He is a silver-tongued serpent, and can manipulate and manage his image quite well. If, however, anyone figures out he is weak, dishonest, manipulative or his true self shows and you happen to finally catch on to his charade, he will fire you. Crumple you up like used paper and throw you away. This happened to me in June, after four years of service to the teachers, families and students of the scbool. I've known many of the students since they were infants and my job never felt like work--it just felt like being part of a family. But as I said, the headmaster likes to do annual personnel "housekeeping" and this year it was my turn to get the axe. I wasn't even given a reason, no letter, no thanks, nothing. Just "your job is no longer available, the decision is final and not open for discussion.". In the end however, psycho headmaster gave my job to his 19 year old daughter.

 

My question is this: a woman, I'll call her Amy, and her husband, let's call him Mike, knew I got the axe and never said a word to me about it. Their three children attend this school. They never called me and expressed any concern for me or my wellbeing or inquired as to how I was doing. Now, Amy has serious problems with depression and has laid out the parameters and conditions under which our supposed "friendship" would take place. I could come over for dinner sometimes or babysit sometimes but, and I quote "if you are looking for a listening ear, I am not that person." In other words I am to be seen and not really heard. However, Amy is a colossal hypochondriac as well as ultra-controlling, and her entire reality revolves around her depression, back problems, and many detailed stories about her children's illnesses. It is unusual if she or one of her children is not in the spotlight with an illness or some other major drama going on. She does tend to stick with other people who have major health issues. But at the same it seems like Amy's suffering takes ce yet stave and she's not going to let you take away any of the attention.

 

I have felt abandoned by my community and friends in my time of need (with the job loss). And I'm not really sure what is reasonable to expect. I feel like it's time for me to move on and say goodbye to this very one-sided friendship.

 

Any input welcome!

[Capricorn3]

When friendships become one-sided, then I believe it's time to move on as it will never work (imo). Sometimes we have to learn to accept that not everything lasts and we have to move on in life. It's hard, and it hurts, but that's the reality of life.

[Generation]

Have you reached out to your friends for support? It's hard to know when someone needs support especially when they don't reach for it, sometimes we think they'd prefer to be left alone and give them their space. Though I guess some people aren't good friends.

 

When my friend was in his dark place, none of us knew about it. He'd pretend as if everything was okay, joke around, have fun with us. We found out a few days after that he had committed suicide. We could have done something, if only we had known. It twists me up inside, cause if only he had reached out to us, maybe he would still be here.

[Avila]

When relationship are not supportive and one- sided than it's best not too continue them. You don't need a friend who is quite willing to take from you but not give. What is friendship if you can't occasionally have that person listen sympathetically to your problems?