i dont think i can let her go !!

[Jake42038]

My g/f just recently broke up with me about 3 years of being together . shes 18 and im 22 . We were having money problems and we werent getting along , I lost my temper one nite and she had had enough of me ...we both said things that wish we wouldnt of said She just pretty much wanted some space .......well we went our ways and she stayed at the apartment and I stayed at my Mom and dads. I was really having a hard time trying to stay away from her ..i kept showing up at the apartment , making things worse . Well i come to find out shes been hanging out with the nieghbor guy ( Which he just had broke up with his G/F too ) almost everyday , i questioned her if anything was going on with her and the neighbor guy ...she kept telling me no , i believed her . But just had a feeling something would happen...she would get drunk and they would end up sleeping with eachother . well not even 3 days after breaking up . she moved in with the guy...moved all her stuff in his apartment.....she said she couldnt afford her apartment by herself . I didnt deal with this well at all , i was very angery , hurt , sleepless . but i didnt manage to get threw the week without stirring up anymore dust ...but i stll did see her . well the next week i had called her and i was crying and told her i was hurting bad.....well she said she needed to talk to me about something and she came over that nite and told me that she had got drunks and had sex with the nieghbor guy ( which is a 32 old toothless bum ) . I took it alright at first , then i asked detail on how it happen and that hurt even more. well she ended up staying at my moms with me that nite , and we had the best sex ever . After that we got back together . iwas living back up at the apartment and things were good for about a two weeks . i had brought up that things just dont feel the same as they used to be . i told her that her having sex with that guy still haunts me , even know i did forgive her because we werent going out . Not even a week and half went by , we broke up again . I think she is very confused about herself and what she wants.....she loves me very much and i love her very much . but we dont know for sure if were meant to be or not ? she wants to do things for herself and doesnt really wanna be tied down . But at the same time we dont wanna lose eachother. I havent seen her for a week and half .....we talked once on the phone ...but only for a minute................what should i do ? should i just give her her space and maybe she'll come to me ? or just let her go ? i need some kinda advice

[SwingFox]

Hi Jake,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for advice. I am sorry to hear that you and your g/f aren't getting along too well right now. I understand that this had led to a few break ups and get togethers again.

 

Are you meant for each other? It's so hard to say. I see marriages failing even after 15 or 20 years. I think you'll never know and only time will tell. From that point of view I would live in the present and live each day.

 

As for the advice: I think you also don't really know what you want. My suggestion is that you start to think about what you really want in a relationship and what your expectations are. Set boundaries of what you find (un)acceptable in your relationship. A little example: You say she needs space in your relationship. What is that you want? Being tied up to her every minute of the day? That could be very confiding, but that varies from person to person. It looks like that SHE is not the type of person for that. Can you accept that (read: is that out of your boundary)? If you can accept it, then you have to. If you can't accpet that, could it be better that you're better off ending up with someone else.

 

I hope that this shed a new light on your vision and I wish you strength and luck to make the right decisions that work for you.

 

~ SwingFox ~