He came back

[WestWing]

My ex broke up with me around 6 months ago. Although he never told me the truth, I had the evidence on Facebook: there was someone else. I went directly no contact and then he started to post a lot of photos of him and his new romance in the social networks. I thought he was trying to hurt me on purpose.

 

Then, a few weeks ago he started to send me messages asking to have a drink and to talk. He said that he had to tell me something important and he was sorry for the way he left me. I didn't reply any message. Now he is stalking me, calling and sending messages all the time. I am at this point where I don't want to get back together, I love my new single life. But I even don't want to give him any chance to explain me anything. I was waiting for an explanation and for apologies a lot of time, and it is too late. I guess he is coming back because his new relationship failed.

 

What do you think I have to do? Reply asking to stop stalking me or keep no contact until he'll give up. Thanks.

[1st Love]

Tell him that you are enjoying your life being single and you don't want to hear from ever him again. Just tell him once (plain and simple), as harsh as you can, then go back to no contact.

[DN]

If you don't want to see him just decline the invitation and say you don't want to see him. Don't say anything about him wanting to get back together because he hasn't said that directly and he could deny that is what he wanted to see you about.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I wouldn't even bother saying that you are enjoying being single because he doesn't need to know anything about your life. I would just send him a reply text or email stating that he had made his choice and you would prefer that he stop contacting you.

[iamkaylee]

Tell him that you are enjoying your life being single and you don't want to hear from ever him again. Just tell him once (plain and simple), as harsh as you can, then go back to no contact.

 

Agree with this. He's trying to get his foor back in your door and you do not need a cheater back at all!

 

If he persists tell him you'll get a restraining order.

[Dateagain]

I agree with crazyaboutdogs. Don't say anything about your single life, keep it short and to the point. Don't fall into the mental trap of thinking it will be different this time.

[Berglynt]

I wouldn't even bother saying that you are enjoying being single because he doesn't need to know anything about your life. I would just send him a reply text or email stating that he had made his choice and you would prefer that he stop contacting you.

 

That is a good response, but you may wish to ignore him as well. Any sort of communication may make him think that he has a chance. Just block or ignore him.

[HeartGoesOn]

I guess he is coming back because his new relationship failed.

 

I agree, don't allow yourself to anyone's sloppy seconds. As the OP's said, send a short message getting directly to the point with as few words as possible.

[Doofus]

If you're unable to handle it, then, you're not really all that comfortable with your single life. If you are comfortable, you can handle it. Regardless, I'd meet him. Why? It sounds like you have no idea what he wants to talk about. Sure, most likely it's to salve his guilty conscience, or, to get an ego boost. But, there's a small chance it's something else - STD, or, that he's dying, or something none of us can imagine, but which you 'd look small refusing to hear. This person was once (and, I suspect, still is) an important person in your life. Don't be bitter and small. Give him an hour or two. Regardless, there's a chance, a good chance, actually, you'll regard it as the right decision after you have.

[gtnovru]

Sounds like he really needs to talk to you. He says it's important, and he's tried several times to get ahold of you. Regardless of whether you feel strong enough or not, I would want to see what he needs at this point. Maybe it is STD-related or something, eeek. Find out, text or e-mail, not in person or over the phone.

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, I think that likely he thought the grass was greener on the side and then found out there are cow patties over there and he left the best clover behind. Just kidding, but seriously you are correct. The relationship he left you for has either failed or he's bored and hoping for some FWB action on the side. Either way you're right to not want to get involved with any of that and to take the correct viewpoint that he had his chance and now that chance is over and you've moved on. You don't owe him anything since he was the one who left. If he continues to try to contact you and it reaches obnoxious levels of annoyance a terse text message stating "leave me alone" will suffice. If he has a guilty conscience or is hoping to now go back to the way things were and that you'll let what he did slide then consider your lack of response now a valuable lesson you're teaching him that he hopefully will learn from--that not everyone who you have a relationship will fall all over themselves to take you back when you do them wrong.

 

I say continue loving your life and moving forward without him. If it's something that's life or death he'll eventually leave a message, but the old "I need to see you" without saying what it's about from an ex who bailed is usually a pretty clear sign that either they are trying to ease their conscience or are looking for an ego boost now that the one they left you for is out of the picture. And that's never enough to let someone back into your life.

[browneyedgirl36]

I say e-mail him or text him and ask him what he wants to talk about because, as a few posters have said, there's a SLIGHT chance it's something important -- i.e. STD related, or he's really ill or something. I'd say that's a long shot, though. If he won't tell you over a text or e-mail, I'd let it be. You are not obligated to see him. I have an ex from eight years ago who started contacting me again recently, and while I hold no grudges, I have no desire to see him. He's part of my past, and that's where I want him to stay. If you're over this guy and don't have any desire to see him, you shouldn't feel like you have to.

[Lily McFly]

Tell him you're busy and could he just tell you what it is? Definitely don't meet him 'for a drink', no need to involve alcohol and its too chummy. He deserves nothing from you, not even a response so I suggest text him back asking if he would just tell you what it is that way. No need to be rude or anything, just polite and to the point.

[WestWing]

Thanks for all your replies. Well, as some of you have said, I don't owe him anything, even a reply. Still knowing I was devastated, he tried to hurt me posting all those photos on Facebook and he never contacted me while he was happy in his new relationship. Maybe it sounds like a revenge, but it is not. I am happier now and I just don't want to mess it up. Things are not perfect now, but are ok and I feel like a better person. I just don't want to give him a chance to hurt me again.

[browneyedgirl36]

Thanks for all your replies. Well, as some of you have said, I don't owe him anything, even a reply. Still knowing I was devastated, he tried to hurt me posting all those photos on Facebook and he never contacted me while he was happy in his new relationship. Maybe it sounds like a revenge, but it is not. I am happier now and I just don't want to mess it up. Things are not perfect now, but are ok and I feel like a better person. I just don't want to give him a chance to hurt me again.

 

I think you're right to feel this way. I recently had an ex from eight years ago contact me wanting to see me, and I feel the same way you do -- he broke up with me in a cowardly way, and while I'm WAY past being over it because it's been so many years, I don't feel inclined to give him any more of my time.