Would you date someone with a fever sore?

[FathomFear]

It's herpes, that #### is permanent.

 

I would never date someone with a visible sore and/or I know gets sores.

 

You do realize, right, that like 30-40% of the population have cold sores by the time they're an adult? And the percentage keeps climbing as you get older. While you're free to have any dating criteria you want, this seems like a silly thing to have as a standard.

 

I personally don't see it as remotely relevant.

[FathomFear]

And they hid the fact and decided to infect us without our consent?

 

A good chunk of people actually get it as children from parents or other family members. This isn't a primarily a STD.

[Seraphim]

A good chunk of people actually get it as children from parents or other family members. This isn't a primarily a STD.

 

Exactly.....

[gtnovru]

It's a tricky thing. Obviously if someone has an outbreak on their mouth, don't kiss them, it's more likely to spread. And if you saw a future with this person, so you're willing to risk getting hsv, you'd want to have a conversation about them getting on medication to prevent them spreading herpes/getting outbreaks, no matter what kind they have, to you. Although awkward, to err on the side of caution, we should probably be asking before kissing if they've ever had a cold sore, then go from there.

[Seraphim]

The thing is some people have never had a cold sore and can STILL have herpes 1 so if everyone thinks they are finding herpes free people they most likely are not.

[lavenderdove]

Most of the population has had cold sores in their mouths, and most are infected and may not even know it. So anyone, including the OP could actually have the cold sore virus 1 and not even know it.

 

I don't think anyone should become that paranoid for something that common. of course you shouldn't snog someone with an active sore, but put it into perspective in that the majority of the human race has them, or may have have had them and not even realize they did/do.

[Angler]

You do realize, right, that like 30-40% of the population have cold sores by the time they're an adult? And the percentage keeps climbing as you get older. While you're free to have any dating criteria you want, this seems like a silly thing to have as a standard.

 

I personally don't see it as remotely relevant.

 

You're absolutely entitled to your view, just as I am mine.

 

To me, trying to avoid a permanent infection isn't silly or non-relevant.

[epsilon2x]

A good chunk of people actually get it as children from parents or other family members. This isn't a primarily a STD.

 

Primary STD or not.. I don't want it on my penis, that's primary enough for me.

[thehardestpart]

You're absolutely entitled to your view, just as I am mine.

 

To me, trying to avoid a permanent infection isn't silly or non-relevant.

 

What if you already caught it and just haven't had symptoms/outbreaks yet?

 

Over 80% of the population has it. I started getting them when I was a child.

 

None of my exs ever cared. I'm very positive at least one or more people in your family get coldsores.

 

If you had a coldsore at least once in your life(doesn't matter what age), you have the virus for life. I actually have had some people tell me that they don't 'get' coldsores just because they never do anymore, yet have gotten it several times as a child. That's what people like to believe, but that's not true.

 

I have known people who shared smokes with people who have had coldsore outbreaks(sisters, one is prone to them, the other one never had one) and to this day this girl never has never gotten one.

 

You just have to be careful, that is all.

[Angler]

30 years old, never had one, never dated someone who had them, don't share smokes (or smoke for that matter), don't share drinks, don't make out with strangers....

 

Pretty confident I'm not infected.

[epsilon2x]

Most of the population has had cold sores in their mouths, and most are infected and may not even know it. So anyone, including the OP could actually have the cold sore virus 1 and not even know it.

 

I don't think anyone should become that paranoid for something that common. of course you shouldn't snog someone with an active sore, but put it into perspective in that the majority of the human race has them, or may have have had them and not even realize they did/do.

 

I know for a fact that I don't have them. I get full std screenings whenever I go to the doctor for unrelated issues, because it takes 5 minutes to draw blood and pee in a cup and insurance covers it. Cold sores would show up under herpes.

[charity]

I know for a fact that I don't have them. I get full std screenings whenever I go to the doctor for unrelated issues, because it takes 5 minutes to draw blood and pee in a cup and insurance covers it. Cold sores would show up under herpes.

 

my close friend has outbreaks of genital herpes very frequently... and yet she tested negatively for it. the doc told her that sometimes the test show up as negative if the outbreak is not happening at that time.

also my friend and her boyfriend got fully tested before they started having unprotected sex. results for both of them came back clear for everything. they confidently started having sec. 2 weeks later the guy broke out in warts on his penis. he had to go get treated. it was genital warts. his doc said that the virus may have been lying dormant for a long time in his body and just showed up now..... OR it may be that the girlfriend has it but no symptoms but passed it to him.

 

i find it strange that you can get bloods and urines done and test negative.... and yet there's still something there.

[pl3asehelp]

A good chunk of people actually get it as children from parents or other family members. This isn't a primarily a STD.

 

What does the fact that it's not 'primarily an STD/ have to do with expecting people to responsible enough to disclose they have an incurable communicable virus before they potentially infect you?

[ToF]

Funny enough, the day after my last post on this thread, I broke out with a cold sore. I'd been moving in 100+ degree heat for a few days, and that plus stress led to a breakout. It's the first one I've had in months (before that I went about a year between cold sores), and I started my new job two days after it appeared. Fun!

 

Anyway, the guy I am dating has no problem with it. He's known about it for a long time, and he happens to have the virus, too. But I still treat him exactly the same as I would treat anyone who didn't have the virus. No kissing, no oral sex from me, and basically no contact with my mouth until it's healed. Should be a few more days.

 

To me, this is a routine part of my life. It sucks A LOT, don't get me wrong. But I'm one of the hoards who contracted it as an infant from either my mother or brother ... So I don't feel "dirty" or ashamed about them anymore. Just an inconvenience that takes a few extra precautions.

[Natasha24]

I don't know the facts behind catching an STD from a cold sore, so I'll just say this:

 

IF it is possible to transfer cold sores from someone's mouth to someone else's genitals, no, I wouldn't date them. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself.

 

Yes, it's really common and most people have it - but that doesn't mean you shouldn't protect yourself anyway. The idea that "everyone else does it, so I should do it too" doesn't make much sense to me. Put yourself first.

[ToF]

I don't know the facts behind catching an STD from a cold sore, so I'll just say this:

 

IF it is possible to transfer cold sores from someone's mouth to someone else's genitals, no, I wouldn't date them. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself.

 

Yes, it's really common and most people have it - but that doesn't mean you shouldn't protect yourself anyway. The idea that "everyone else does it, so I should do it too" doesn't make much sense to me. Put yourself first.

 

I completely agree that everyone should look out for their own health first, as well as look out for the health of their partner by disclosing this and any other STDs.

 

That said, couples can take active steps to prevent the virus from transferring. Nothing is 100% (except abstinence), of course.

 

The fact that 80% of the population tests positive for HSV-1, means that if you've dated (and kissed/had oral sex with) ten people in your life, then odds are you've been exposed to 8 people who had the virus, whether they had visible breakouts or not. Just something to keep in mind, if you're considering dropping a truly amazing person because they get cold sores sometimes.

[PJK]

I usually get like 2-3 per year...I've had them for as long as I can remember and have pictures of myself from when I was like 3 with one. Probably got it from my mom or grandmother (they both get them).

 

Like most, I abstained from kissing and oral sex when I had one...to my knowledge none of the girls I dated ever got one.

 

To answer the question, yes I would date someone who gets them. Not just because I get them too but because I'm not a germ-a-phobe. I guess I just choose not to live life in fear. I'm not just talking about the cold sore thing either. People who are paranoid about that are probably scared of other things in life as well.

[Angler]

I guess I just choose not to live life in fear. I'm not just talking about the cold sore thing either. People who are paranoid about that are probably scared of other things in life as well.

 

Wow.

 

Nice generalization.

 

How about....I just don't want cold sores?