Dealing with negative feelings

[Silencer]

It's been a while since I last saw my ex and I feel better about it all now. I don't think about her nearly as much and I want to do stuff for myself now.

 

But I do have a lot of resentment built up for her, for some reason I just have this anger and I don't like it. Sometimes I just want to be sadistic and send her a nasty e-mail, but I've managed to hold it back thus far. I was just wondering how can you get this out without spewing it in the direction of the ex?

[CarterJonas]

Talking. Not with her obviously, but to a relative, friend, on this board or even a councellor.

 

The feeling gets better, more positive with time I can guarantee.

[Silencer]

I don't exactly know why I'm so angry. I just am. I mean she pissed me off with the way she behaved but that's no reason to say the things I've come close to saying to her. I tend to think that I have a somewhat sadistic streak with people who get close to me and then pull away. And I have to admit sometimes when I hurt someone part of me is glad.

 

We had an argument on the way back from a nightclub, and I just wanted to ignore her after it. But she kept trying to talk to me and in the end she started getting too close. The argument didn't bother me, and neither did the insults she threw at me. I deserved them. I'd said stuff to her before that I regretted and I felt that by arguing with me like that she was at least getting it off her chest. Indeed, the moment it got heated the second thing to come out of her mouth was a couple of the things I'd said to her.

 

But like I said, that didn't bother me, it was her actions that bothered me. The way she leaned on me, the way she snuggled up close to me and asked me some question in the innocent voice she uses. I felt like she was screwing around with my head. She was the one that told me we weren't going to be friends, she was the one that instigated the break-up, so how come she's the one there breaking the boundaries that should be set up? How come she's allowed to mess around like that.

 

It gets right up my f-ing nose.

[Clarabelle]

It would be helpful to you to look into counseling to sort through some of the strong emotions you experienced in the past and are having now.

[Foz]

anger is a part of the healing process and is necessary, write it down in a letter to her but DONT SEND IT, you might regret sending it when you have got to the acceptance stage. i think there is a post on one of the forums from some guy who sent a really angry email to his ex and now feels seriously guilty about it.

anger helps you focus on what has happened that we didnt want to happen. i would love to get angry, unfortunately im stuck in sadness and when i do get angry its only for a moment and then i feel guilty about being angry..

im reading a good book though-starting over by John Gray of men are from mars women are from venus fame and its good, im learning from it..you should check it out..

[jackson5045]

that kind of anger has a mind of its own

it will dissolve when you dont need it anymore

channel it to positive things like finding someone else

 

good luck

jackson

[altoids144]

I felt the same way as you. For me it was my way of dealing with the break up. I would often make myself angry because it worked for me last time I got dumped.

I did see a counselor and she told me that it's OK to be angry. So I went home and sent a bunch of angry messages to my ex. She exploded on me and I felt really bad about it. She wouldn't talk to me or anything and was really mad at me. I totally regret doing that.

It took a while to heal but eventually after months we became friends. I still have feelings for her and care about her but I try to get angry at her to deal with these feelings. However, I never send the anger to her because that would just make both of us feel bad about the situation and makes it even worse. Although you may want to make her feel guilty, you have to understand that she's a human being too with feelings and she is trying to get over you also. Sometimes you gotta think about the other person too, even though they dumped you. You still felt love towards them and cared for them and this will never change.

So in summary, be angry but don't show it. Talk to others and start a journal so you can get it out.

[Silencer]

I'd said bad stuff to her before we went to that nightclub. Indeed, that was why we had the fight that night. I've not attempted to contact her for about a month and a half now and sometimes I still feel the anger, but mostly I feel a longing for her.

 

I know we won't be friends now because of the things that happened and the things I said, and that hurts. She's too unforgiving to ever want to talk to me again, that much is clear. But I find it hard to get her out of my head.

 

I've even stopped going out the last couple of weeks because one of my friends is going out with one of her friends and I just don't want the reminder, or anything that's happening with me getting back to her somehow. Problem is the loneliness is compounding my unhappiness. I'm trying to keep busy but there's only so much you can do couped up at home.

 

I'm hoping against hope that soon it'll end up in the past, but that doesn't seem to happen.