I just made the connection.

[cupcake22]

So I was thinking about my past relationship and also of the one before that, and I made a connection that I never realized before. I did the exact thing to my first ex, that my newest ex did to me. I now know the context of how I hurt my first ex. That was 8 years ago that we dated, but I feel like I should write him a letter genuinely apologizing for what I did to him. Would that be okay or should I just leave him be?

[pinkelephant]

leave him be. it's been 8 years ago. jeez. the guy probably forgot all about it. it's patronizing if anything. and more over, this is more about you than him. write one if you have to then never send it.

[lostgirl123]

i think it's nice to write a letter to him apologizing. most good guys would appreciate it! i wouldn't mind receiving a letter from any of my exes except for one (cause he was just generally a repulsive guy) lol!

[humanity]

Send it!!! Two years ago, I saw an ex from 12 years ago on FB!! I still felt guilty for breaking his heart, especially considering that he married the gf he got after me and she turned out to be a total loser and put him through hell during their 5 year marriage. So, I sent him an apology email and he responded within 20 minutes. He thanked me for the apology and told me not to worry about any of that stuff that transpired between us back them. He said that we were young and silly and there are no worries. it was good closure.

[mhowe]

If I got a letter of apology from an ex, 8 years in the past -- I would think that they didn't really think much of me...that I was still concerned about something that happened so long ago.

 

Closure comes from within. Not from a note or email from someone in your past having an epiphany that their behavior was out of line.

[nbr]

As a guy I think I would appreciate a letter like that, I would acknowledge that you know he's moved on, and you don't want to open old wounds, but that you just had happen to you what you did to him, and it reminded you of that, and how you are sorry. Wish him well tell him you hope he's happy, and just in case he's with someone make sure you don't say you love him or anything, just that you wanted to share that you are sorry.

 

I still think about one of my exes way back from when I was ~15 from time to time and wondering how she's done. I don't want to see her or hook up, I wouldn't even know where to find her, I just hope she's happy and well. We had only a brief RS (about 4 days, plus some LD after), but it was nice.

[Sportster2005]

It's never too late to the right thing, or a kind thing.

[abitbroken]

Nope. Don't send it. 8 years later it is something that would be disruptive to his life. If you did something horrible that ruined his job or reputation, that is one thing, but if its normal relationship stuff, I would refrain. Also, what is your aim? Do you want a big reaction? Do you want him to date you again? I would write it but not send it.

[Notagoodninja]

Haha I wouldn't send it. This year (when I was broken up with current ex) I sent my first ex a brief note apologizing for some mean things I said. I said it completely platonic ally BELIEVE ME. You couldn't pay me to be with ex 1. I have 0 interest in him AT ALL and am not attracted to him But I just felt really guilty about some mean things I said it was a simple apology short to the point I even said don't bother responding I just wanted to apologize for words exchanged

He wrote me a NASTY letter back telling me off lol

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with Ninja - you might not get the response you want.

[EgoJoe]

Send the letter.