I Don't Think I'm The Only One ...

[KeepMe]

I'll try to keep this brief,

I've met a guy recently on a popular MMO that I play. We've got to know one another quite well and after a few months of talking things started to get serious. He initiated the fact that he really likes me and he wanted to know if I would be cool with meeting him in person since he only lives just a short amount of time away from me. We agreed to meet next month but I'm starting to think I'm not the only person he may be talking to.

 

At first we texted each other constantly (I always let him intiate the text) he always wanted to know how I was, what I was doing, and tell me that he was thinking of me. He called me babe and other little cute pet names and I did the same. I'm not a clingy person but I thought that when people start having feelings for a special someone you get the butterflies in the stomach, all you can think about is that person and you get gitty when you hear from them via text, phone call, or email. When he goes out with friends he never says "Hey, I'm going to turn my phone off" or "Hey, I'm not taking my phone with me, I'll text you later, okay?" Instead he just stops texting me and uses the same line "Sorry, I accidentally left my phone in my buddies truck." Me on the other hand I always take my phone in case he does text me since I enjoy talking to him and I think about him all the time. Lately the talking hasn't been quite as much and even today he would text me and I would text back but I wouldn't get an answer for at least an hour or longer. Even now I haven't heard from him for a few hours and thats quite unusual.

 

I helped him start a Facebook account which he asked me to help him with. After just a couple of days of having his Facebook he has quite a high number in his friend count, even surpassing my friend count. When I look at his friends almost all of his friends about 98% of them are females. They aren't just females either, but they are females from his small town or his State in general. One girl even friend requested me and I thought it may have been a relative of his so I asked him who it was. I seen he went through and liked all of her pictures in almost all of her albums. When I asked he played completely dumb and said he didn't know who I was talking about. When he went home he said "Oh, I don't know this girl she just added me and messaged me saying we went to school together."

 

Does this sound at all fishy from an unbiased persons point of view? Am I overreacting even? What should I do? I don't want to be played before I'm even in a relationship. I'm nervous to ask him about it because I don't want him to think I'm already that 'over jealous girl' thats going to be breathing down his neck. I'm not that type of person at all, I don't even mind if he's friends with these girls, I just don't want to be cheated or taken advantage of. He has already told me that I'm amazing and he's lucky to have met someone like me so I would like to continue to be the only person that he talks romantically to or that he's romantically involved with.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I do think you're overreacting.

 

From my interpretation of what you wrote, you two are not in a committed relationship. You both obviously like each other, and there is the makings of a relationship, but you're not bf/gf or even exclusively dating.

 

So if he is talking to other girls, he's not playing you. You should feel free to talk to other guys as well.

 

Why does your mind immediately think he's going to cheat on you? That seems really unfair to place that on him. I also think that unless you can shake those thoughts quickly, it's going to linger, and everything he does, you'll look at it from the context of "He's cheating on me. Therefore he has to prove that he's not." A relationship needs a solid foundation of trust, and even before yours has had a chance, the trust aspect is missing. Why are you unable to take him for his word?

[rlo619]

I think your mind set is overreacting just alittle bit though and as for asking him no problem with that at all you have every right to know why okay your not exclusive but clearly there is something between you guys respect yourself dnt get played but do it as a casual conversation not hassling you have to watch how you say things.

[KeepMe]

Well I thank you very much 'LostInMyThoughts' for your reply, your input is very much appreciated. I understand completely that we aren't in a committed relationship which is okay with me. But I feel personally that we both have a mutual feeling that we are very interested in each other. We have shared feelings that are very deep and we've already stated that we mean a lot to each other. He even referred to me having a 'love spell on him.' I just figured that if thats really true and even though we aren't 'official' yet that he would still have no desire to talk to any other girl romantically if he already feels romantically for me.

 

I'm very interested in this guy and I feel a bond with him and after him sharing his true feelings with me, I already feel like I want to be with this guy and I don't want to think of any other male because I feel like I've already met my match and from the sounds of his he feels the same way too. I don't neccessarily think he will cheat on me, I just wasn't sure if this behavior was normal. He has plenty of guy friends why doesn't he have very many guys on his friends list? Why is his entire friends list attractive, blond females that happen to be his age from his hometown or his state? I've never been cheated on before so I don't know what to look out for and I just wanted to check to see if maybe I am overreacting.

 

It seems the females that I talk to say that this is highly suspicious and that I should talk to him, however the males that I talk to say that I shouldn't be so untrusting. It's kind of a one sided story I guess =/

[KeepMe]

Thank you rlo619 =)

Maybe I am overreacting but that's what I wrote this for was to just see what others thought or how others would handle my situation. Could you maybe give an example as to how you would bring up such a conversation? I'll admit my communication skills aren't the best and I usually say things in a way that I don't mean them to sound.

[rlo619]

Take it from me i'm an 18 year old guy I agree with the girls i hope i dnt get in trouble by saying that but i agree with the women maybe not highly suspicious but just alittle you should talk to him.. Especially if you say you have that bond with him i'd definitely do it.. Just approach it calmly it's all about how you come off.

[rlo619]

well i'd start it after a fun moment or conversation in person so you can see his expressions... when he is happy is when it is best to do it my girlfriend does that works alot of times... Just be like hey babe if you call him that i wanted to ask you this the other i was wondering whats with all those girls on your facebook do you actually know all of them?

[rlo619]

as for the one he likes all the photos of thats bad on his part now i'll be honest i'm not sure how you bring that up without looking like your stalking his facebook?

[LostInMyThoughts]

I know you haven't asked specifically for this advice, but if you don't mind I'd like to share.

 

You feel a bond with him, but you've not met him yet. Further, that bond is already being tested with things like Facebook and texting, and you're not yet in a relationship. The females you've talked to have said this is highly suspicious behavior. All from someone you feel is your match. So I would say--your feelings are moving ahead way too soon. I find it romantic, but it can be pretty damanging too. I'm not discounting the time you two have spent virtually getting to know each other, just that I would try and temper your feelings. After all, when you first see meet him in person, you wouldn't say "You're my soul mate, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Cuz that sounds a little crazy. How to temper your feelings--well unfrotunately I think you and I are cut from the same cloth, cuz I have that problem too. As others have told me, get some hobbies, go out with friends, and do stuff to help it so your mind isn't on him 24/7.

 

WRT cheating. Don't worry about it. If you're looking for signs for cheating, then you'll having cheating on the brain, and you will tank your relationship. You're trying to control for something that you ultimately can't control for. I say this as someone who has been cheated on. It hurt, but I got overit, and got into a new relationship and despite having every reason not to trust my partner, I still gave her 100% trust, because I knew, if she cheated on me, she was the loser not me.

 

I'm not saying you should dismiss the facebook and texting outright, but I wouldn't yet confront him either. I would first look at why you're having a hard time trusting him.

[KeepMe]

rlo619 - Thank you for the example, if I confront him later on (things are too early to tell) I'll consider what you've given me to work with. As for the second part yeah, that will be tricky cause it does sound stalkerish, lol!

 

LostInMyThoughts - Very well said, I'm glad you spoke your mind even though I didn't ask for it specifically. I'm open to all feedback that I can get, if I'm overreacting I would just like to know if I'm not I'd like to figure out what I can do. I understand exactly what you are saying and you are absolutely right, I do need to slow my roll because I've completely skipped trotting down the hill and went straight for the free fall. I have thought about the issue of meeting and I've even thought that maybe I won't even like this guy as much in person (always a possibility) Though I've not thought about him as my lover and spending the rest of my life together, I guess I just meant that this guy is kind of my other half. Just his personality is a lot like mine even if we weren't romantically involved I could definitely see him as a good friend that I could open up to and he could relate to me on all levels of everything that I bring to him.

 

I definitely see where you are coming from with the soul mate and in person thing, LOL! That really does sound crazy when you put it like that ;-P I guess I always have been a little weary of cheating even though I've never gone through it. I think that's the fault of all of my friends who have been treated badly or cheated on. My biggest concern with this guy is that he may not be who I think he is and if he's already the type of guy that has girls on his phone or back ups or booty calls or whatever I just want to know so I could steer clear of him. I don't want him to be telling me all of these sweet nothings and making me fall head over heels for him if he's just sending me a text and saying the same thing to another girl or two and just being a flirt. But your input has helped me see clearly and I see where you are coming from, for sure. I'm sorry to hear you went through cheating with your partner, I know that has to be rough =/ But I do thank you for your help and your input has weighed a lot on how I feel.

[Ms Darcy]

I have to be very honest with you. I am a little worried that you are taking this guy a little too seriously. I have been there where you feel like you have a bond with someone you have 'met' online but you have not met him yet. Let me tell ya ... if he meets you and doesn't feel attracted, he will have NO PROBLEM disappearing on you. I think you need to take control of this situation and control of yourself. Don't talk so much with this guy. Focus on other things ... so if the meetup doesn't work out then you will be ok.

[ZhaoZilong5]

Go with your gut. As a male with a lot of female friends, I was really was unable to reply to my then-GF's texts when I was out. I rarely forget my phone, but sometimes my phone dies, it's being a pain in the ass, or whatever.

 

However, I've seen guys not as trustworthy as me cheat on their LDR GFs...with multiple people. Whatever you do, the one constant I've noticed is that an innocent person will understand your insecurity as long as you ask in a mature manner. A guilty, cheating bastard will quickly get angry and escalate the situation, then try to deflect the situation onto you and make you feel guilty for not trusting them.

[Liraele]

Just go into it with your eyes wide open. Address what you consider questionable behavior, and make sure that you don't let your feelings and intuition be glossed over.

 

You're not in a relationship now, so he is more or less free to do what he wants. If you meet and decide that you are going to be in a relationship, then he will be responsible for setting boundaries with any other women he may be 'talking' to as more than a friend.

[PaintWithLight]

I have to be very honest with you. I am a little worried that you are taking this guy a little too seriously. I have been there where you feel like you have a bond with someone you have 'met' online but you have not met him yet. Let me tell ya ... if he meets you and doesn't feel attracted, he will have NO PROBLEM disappearing on you. I think you need to take control of this situation and control of yourself. Don't talk so much with this guy. Focus on other things ... so if the meetup doesn't work out then you will be ok.

 

i agree with Ms. Darcy. You are looking for clues, counting the number of FB friends he has, if he liked photos or not.... This is not good. Keep it free and breezy until you meet face to face. Until then, he is a free agent, yes?