Jobless for 2 months and parents being annoyed

[jeanettelee]

I have graduated 2 months ago and have been looking for a job ever since.

 

I'm from a rather humble family and parents argue a LOT.

 

Despite how they were thrilled by my exceptionally high GPA upon graduating, they now feel that I'm rather useless not being able to get a job. In fact I was offered a job 2 months ago, but mum was like 'You should take a rest from the hardwork and blah blah.' I know the main reason was that the job wasn't well paid enough. They have really high expectation on me and it's getting unrealistic. They expect me to earn more than any average fresh grads from college. But the thing is... for someone like me, who majored in Literature and Linguistics... it's really difficult to get one of those well paid jobs. I'm not i-bank materials.

 

And then mum started picking on me...EVERYTHING!!! From my clothes to my weight and all that. It really is getting on my nerves and we had a major fight today. It's one of those fights that makes me feel utterly hopeless. I so wanna move out but rent is REALLY high in where I live (one of the highest in the world) and not to mention that I'm still jobless.

 

I love my mum I really do. But I really think that living together does more harm than good on our relationship. She's a really quick tempered person and I get irritated pretty easily too. I was away from for studies for a few months before and it did so much good to our relationship.

 

I feel so soooo hopeless now. Since I have graduated, I don't get to see my regular counsellor anymore. I don't know who to talk to.

[blueidealist24]

Keep your head up. It's a tough job market. I've heard about grads who were unemployed for 1-2 years. I worked a minimum wage job after I graduated to pay off my student loan, but I quit after paying off the debts to do a better search for a better position, and I've been unemployed for the last four months. I've had TONS of interviews, but no one has really offered to hire me yet, except a tentative offer from this company that has a really bad reputation (which I turned down because other people said it was so bad - like borderline abusive to employees). Btw, I had a social sciences major too.

 

If your Mom wanted you to have a job so bad, she shouldn't have told you to turn down that job you were offered 2 months ago. She's being hypocritical, telling you to turn one down and then bugging you because you don't have one. I'm not really sure what to say about how to get her to stop acting like that. Is there any chance there would still be jobs available at the place that wanted to hire you?

[Ayanokōji]

Get a job and climb, no one wants to hire a graduate without at least 1 year work experience in the related field, try recontact the first job offer you got and see if they're still willing to accept you.

[greywolf]

Right now, new grads need to take what they can get. I graduated in April and I still haven't found a good place to work for.

[becomingkate]

My daughter dropped out of college to take a retail management position, just because it offered almost as much pay as a recent grad. Last year I dropped out of a fork-lift course to take a medical receptionist position, because it paid almost $20.00 per hour.

 

Unfortunately, it seems to take everyone I know an average of four months to find something suitable. Have you ever considered going over to Japan to teach Engliish? If you're interested, message me and I'll put you in touch with this girl that used to work for me (She was my Visual Specialist in the ladies clothing store I managed, took a "one year" position teaching in Japan and has been over there eight years!)

 

Also, here's a link I found:

 

link removed

[jeanettelee]

Thanks for the replies. I haven't been talking to my mum since yesterday. And it's so depressing esp. when she's slamming doors and throwing things just to let me know she's angry. I haven't even tried to talk to her. URGH why the sulking and slamming of doors.

 

re becomingkate: Do I have to be a native speaker of English to go there and teach? I have tesol qualifications and all that. But I'm not native. But I'd love to teach in Japan. In fact I was figuring out how I can teach English in Taiwan/Japan/Korea. It'd be lovely if you get me in touch with your friend.

[blueidealist24]

Thanks for the replies. I haven't been talking to my mum since yesterday. And it's so depressing esp. when she's slamming doors and throwing things just to let me know she's angry. I haven't even tried to talk to her. URGH why the sulking and slamming of doors.

 

re becomingkate: Do I have to be a native speaker of English to go there and teach? I have tesol qualifications and all that. But I'm not native. But I'd love to teach in Japan. In fact I was figuring out how I can teach English in Taiwan/Japan/Korea. It'd be lovely if you get me in touch with your friend.

 

I can't believe your Mom is doing that after she TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE A JOB..

 

I hope the English teaching stuff works out for you. I thought you had to be a native English speaker, but that might not be true for all places. I think becomingkate would know more about it than me. Plus there's no way of anyone really knowing if you're a native speaker or not, as long as you can speak the language fluently.

[sunnyhappydays]

I can't believe you turned down a job? Are you crazy? The real problem is that you are taking terrible advice from your parents. Don't ever turn down a job in this economy again. Get off your butt and start properly job searching. When you get a job (if!) take it, grow up and move out.

 

I mean, what did you expect with your major? Do you have internships? Do you have a plan? Wow.

[mactac]

I can't believe you turned down a job? Are you crazy? The real problem is that you are taking terrible advice from your parents. Don't ever turn down a job in this economy again. Get off your butt and start properly job searching. When you get a job (if!) take it, grow up and move out.

 

I mean, what did you expect with your major? Do you have internships? Do you have a plan? Wow.

 

 

Hi,

 

You sound like me at your age. It is a hard situation to be in.

-My advice to start with is you can not control your mothers emotions so don't bother.

- You can not control if you get a job or not at least not 100% in a tight job market (with no experience)so forget it.

- What you CAN do is control your own life plan your day tomorrow spend 1 hour at your desk apply for say 5 jobs a day even if you have no hope of getting them it will make u feel better.

- Next walk everyday or exercise, get up at 7am don't lie in bed until. Clean your room. Clean the garden. Plan everything. Get busy. Write a plan for everyday. Get a tram into the city get out of the house

As for work

You may be a graduate but unless you studied medicine most degrees are not worth anything without experience so you may have to work for free to begin with.

Secondly the Aus government does an 8 week course in aged care where u study (for free) and at the end of the 8 weeks will be 100% certain to get work - you may not like it

but you can choose the days you want even 2/3 days and then spend the rest of the week on work experience in your chosen profession.

Best policy I had with my parents was say nothing keep quiet even if they shout at you. Leave them let of steam. they paid for your education and are rightfully frustrated.

1 rule is GET UP EARLY do something if they see this they will ease off.

It is hard but you will live.

[mactac]

Oh by the way keep your time online to a minimum to your generation it is normal but to your parents sitting on your backside for 5 hours playing angry birds and facebook on your iphone or ipad

looks like you are doing nothing - which is probably true (some of the time) : ) good luck

Look busy - be busy

[jeanettelee]

re blueidealist: I will try figure out the English teaching thing in Japan. Thanks for your replies.

re sunnyhappydays: I gave it up because mum wouldn't stop bugging me. It was not as well paid as how most graduates from my uni are getting... that's why. And it's like half of what I can earn in other jobs. urgh by anyway, it was in the media field so I guess it was in fact reasonable. thanks for the reply.

re mactac: Thanks for your replies. I guess you're right about them having paid for my education and now being frustrated. And I do realise I should do more instead of sleeping in. (BTW I don't live in Melbourne anymore but it's just a place where I miss a lot and wish I was in.) thanks for the useful advice.

[blueidealist24]

re blueidealist: I will try figure out the English teaching thing in Japan. Thanks for your replies.

re sunnyhappydays: I gave it up because mum wouldn't stop bugging me. It was not as well paid as how most graduates from my uni are getting... that's why. And it's like half of what I can earn in other jobs. urgh by anyway, it was in the media field so I guess it was in fact reasonable. thanks for the reply.

re mactac: Thanks for your replies. I guess you're right about them having paid for my education and now being frustrated. And I do realise I should do more instead of sleeping in. (BTW I don't live in Melbourne anymore but it's just a place where I miss a lot and wish I was in.) thanks for the useful advice.

 

Your Mom has given you bad advice. It doesn't matter if the job is as highly paying as other graduates. Being from a humanities major, I understand that sometimes some of us might even have to work for FREE or minimum wage to get started in careers as humanities isn't just like medicine or engineering. You should take any job that gets you started in your field. I draw the line at working an internship for free, but as a Philosophy grad I'm looking at minimum wage or not much above. I'm actually doing volunteer work one day in an office, which IS free, but I wouldn't work FULL TIME for free. One day isn't that much out of my schedule. Anyway, my point is that you need to ignore your Mom and start small with whatever comes up.

[Gracelove]

I can totally understand how you feel. I was where you are a few years ago. I was also without a job for about 2 months and was living with my parents. It was awful. The sight of me sometimes drove them absolutely crazy.

 

Honestly, the only thing that will help is if you get a job. It will help a lot.

 

It won't make everything magical of course. I'm not living with my parents anymore, I work and go to school full-time, yet they still think I'm lazy and that I just relax all day, LOL! Sometimes parents are just like that. They have high expectations. They want their children to be superstars and have the best life possible because it will make all of their sacrifices worth while.

 

I think you should first get any job that you can, it may not be the job your mother would like you to have, but it will appease her a little bit.

 

Hang in there, things will get better.

 

Is there somewhere you can go during the day, like the library? As long as they don't have to see you hanging around the house their mood will improve. When they see you around the house, doing nothing, it's like a reminder of their parenting failures; they hate it.

 

Just hang in there, and try not to let it get you down.

[jeanettelee]

Thanks for the replies. My poor relationship with family has taken to a whole new level... unfortunately.

Basically my mum is now asking me to give half of my salary to the family once I get a job.

I mean... of course it is my responsibility to take care of my parents.

But what drive me nuts is that my mum is really favoring my brother and asking me to contribute more to the family because my elder brother wants to PURSUE HIS DREAM (meaning taking a not-so-well-paid job that he likes ). And mum never really responds to what I say when we're discussing this. She'd go like 'Can you stop shouting at me? You're so ungrateful blah blah blah" when I am not even shouting in any sense.

I can feel that I'm breaking down really soon. I can't take this anymore.

[blueidealist24]

HALF your salary? That's a little excessive. Can you just move out so you can keep your earnings?!

[Miss Firecracker]

If see what it's like to move out on your own, you will then be happy to give your mom half your pay.

[blueidealist24]

If see what it's like to move out on your own, you will then be happy to give your mom half your pay.

 

Actually I think she might be happier if she moves out on her own, given the way this family seems to function! It's not that hard to live on your own, if you RENT a SMALL place and have a CHEAP car or take public transit. I lived in an extremely miniscule bachelor apartment while I was in university and walked to school since it was just a five minute walk. It was pretty easy.. it only gets hard when you buy a house or something.

[jeanettelee]

HALF your salary? That's a little excessive. Can you just move out so you can keep your earnings?!

 

(I'm not trying to be racist of my own race) but I believe it's a Chinese thing that unless you get married and have your own family... you don't usually move out or even if you do you pay quite a bit of your earnings to your family/parents. In where I live rents are even higher than Japan...so I can't exactly move out.

[jeanettelee]

If see what it's like to move out on your own, you will then be happy to give your mom half your pay.

 

I'm thinking of moving out of this country even...but that's in fact quite difficult.

GOD please give me some hints on what I can doo!!!

[blueidealist24]

(I'm not trying to be racist of my own race) but I believe it's a Chinese thing that unless you get married and have your own family... you don't usually move out or even if you do you pay quite a bit of your earnings to your family/parents. In where I live rents are even higher than Japan...so I can't exactly move out.

 

Oh really? I just looked at your location, didn't realize you live in Melbourne, Australia. I guess if it's a typical Chinese thing then I understand why they're asking but I think half is a lot really.

[Miss Firecracker]

Get a job doing anything, waitress, dishwasher, factory. Then find a friend to room with until you find better pay. Or stay with mom. My son chose to stay with us, and is almost 30.

[camus154]

Personally I'm a big fan of parents kicking their children out of the nest to fend for themselves. When you have no other choice, it's amazing what you discover you can accomplish.

[jeanettelee]

Oh really? I just looked at your location, didn't realize you live in Melbourne, Australia. I guess if it's a typical Chinese thing then I understand why they're asking but I think half is a lot really.

 

I dont live in Melbourne anymore. Now in an overpopulated city. haha But yeah I think it's a Chinese thing.

[jeanettelee]

Get a job doing anything, waitress, dishwasher, factory. Then find a friend to room with until you find better pay. Or stay with mom. My son chose to stay with us, and is almost 30.

I have just graduated from quite a good college. I am getting interview calls so I think I'll soon get a job.

Thanks for the advice though. But even getting a little room to share with a friend isn't really possible here.

[abitbroken]

I would have taken the job. I think one of the obstacles for recent grades either after high school or college is that they think they are supposed to get a high salary right off the bat. No. You pay your dues. You take a job that might not pay a million bucks but you get your foot in the door if you have a degree and no experience. Then after awhile you either move up in the company or get something else. If you have the luxury of living with your folks or can get a roommate, then you can do it and make it. I would take the first job that is in your field, quite honestly, that is offered to you, at this stage in the game. I would wait tables on the side while you have that job if the pay isn't incredibly high rather than wait tables right now. But that is just me.

 

I can understand if your parents are elderly and you live with them and pay bills, but I think its a bit much if your parents are working and able bodied for you to give half your salary for them to live way beyond their means. I would honestly not do it. I would agree since you are in Australia and not China to pay certain bills because you live there or pay a SET amount and therefore you can save money and get ahead if you choose to work a second job or overtime and are not punished for success. Honestly, if you can do it without totally alienating your family, I would work on moving out with a roommate after you got established.

 

I thought that you were to support your parents if you moved away and came back as an adult much older in Chinese culture, not while you were finishing college and getting your first job.