An interesting twist of events....

[lost_puppy]

So my gf of 2.5 years dumped me about a month ago (has it been that long? I guess one painful day melds right in with the next...) and I initiated NC about a week later (she wanted to stay in contact, but I know that I need NC to heal). Some days are ok, some aren't, but all in all I'm definitely making progress.

 

So here's the "interesting" part. Her best friend writes me an email:

 

> So, I don't know if you want to hear from me, and if you don't that's

> okay, I wouldn't be offended if you didn't even answer this email. I

> would ask how you are, but I imagine you might still feel pretty bad,

> because I've been dumped by boyfriends and been totally devastated,

> and they were never relationships as long or as serious as yours.

> Anyway, I'm just writing to see if you want to go do something fun

> sometime, because I think you are smart and funny and my

> interest in you as a person extends beyond the fact that you were

> C's boyfriend. But if you don't I understand.

 

The weird thing is that we were never that close, certainly not the person I'd call up to just hang with. So my first impression was that she was put up to it by my ex, but then I realized that my ex probably doesn't even care enough to go through all that trouble. But anyways, I just wrote back,

 

"Thanks so much for your email. It made me feel really good. However, for now I think I need to respectfully decline your invitation to hang out. I'm sure you understand. I do enjoy hanging out with you, and maybe hopefully some day in the future there will be a time when you and C and I can all hang out!!"

 

She hasn't written back, so I'm hoping that she realizes my need for NC. And I think I conveyed that *I* will be the one to say, let's hang out.

 

So what do you all think of that little incident?

 

LP

[hockeyboy]

thats odd. im not sure what to make of it..but would you be interested in her?

[RainaBabe]

I would have to say that she definitely sounded interested in you, but when you rejected her advance she gave up. I don't think she was put up to this by your ex.

[Gauchori]

you think? But how did you two broke up anyways...? Mabey she had a little something into it since she is interested in you, and she is NC's best friend... Just a thought I don't know...

[JohnnyTable]

I think that she was interested in you... however your ex might just be checking up on you. Mine tried to do similiar things through my friends. My friends cut her off.

 

However, I think that you should keep some distance for awhile. Talking to an ex's best friend is like talking directly to the ex in a way.

[DBL]

Dude, take her offer...what do you have to lose?

 

This is a common scenario. Her friend has been hurt as she stated, she sees you with her friend for 2.5 years. It is like buying a car off your parents...you already know what your going to get. Plain and simple, you got burned, that girl got burned, but she thinks you and her can have something together. But you know what...you need to go with her and stop thinking about your feelings, maybe she is the one that really needs to hang out and talk with someone, maybe this is her way of reaching out because she thinks your a nice of person or have good qualities. Think about what this girl just put at risk, risking her friendship with your x girlfriend and putting herself out in a vulnerable position to get rejected.

 

Smarten up, go out and have some fun. Go as friends and see what happens. You may enjoy this girls company better then your x.

 

Now if it is a setup...you're going to have roll some heads.

 

DBL

[JohnnyTable]

After reading what DBL said, I agree with him.

 

You have NOTHING to lose. Go for it.

 

If it is a setup, have fun with it. Pretend that you are in a movie. What would make the movie interesting to the audience? Do that

[lost_puppy]

Oops, I see I should have checked back in on this post a little earlier...

 

1. I have absolutely no interest in my ex's best friend (in fact, one main reason I was even good-natured towards her when I was going out with my ex was because my sister told me that I should always stay on the best friend's good side, cause best friends can often make or break a relationship ... as Gauchori implied ... )

 

2. I agree the most with Johnny Table's first post. Talking to best friend is basically a direct pipe to ex. The two of them are very very close, and I know that best friend wouldn't do anything to risk that relationship.

 

3. Honestly, I didn't even consider the possibility that best friend is interested in me. I guess that could be. Come to think of it, we do have a lot in common, but see point #1

 

But thanks for the responses! Now I'm leaning towards thinking that 1. best friend is at least a little interested in me and 2. ex might be checking up on me (or maybe best friend is taking it apon herself to report news back to ex .... "hey, C, guess who I just saw?")

 

Oh, and finally, to address one of DBL's points, if best friend is indeed acting completely on her own accord and is putting all this stuff at risk, although I don't want to jeapordize her situation at all, I'm still glad that I made it plain to her to back off. Sorry, I do need it right now

[chai714]

I don't think your ex has anything to do with that email. This chick liked you all along (probably). She's mos def interested . . . but your reply probably shot down any hope she had. You gotta respect that fact that she put herself out there though . . .not many females would do that.

[lost_puppy]

This chick liked you all along (probably). She's mos def interested . . . but your reply probably shot down any hope she had.

Ooh, now I'm starting to feel bad ... I don't want to "shoot her down" or anything, I mean she's a really nice girl and all that, but right now I definitely do need to be away from my ex and all reminders of her ... it's gonna take me a good while longer to heal ....

 

And plus, I wouldn't want to put her in the position of dating her best friend's ex, right?

 

[/self justification]

[DBL]

I slept with one of my x's best friends. I figured I owed her. I got into a little fight in a plaza one night and some girl started mouthing off to me, and this girl shut her up for me.

 

Anyway...maybe she is reaching out for you to help her because you have being burnt in common, but do what you feel you got to do.

 

DBL

[lost_puppy]

New twist of events ... So my ex emails my sister. Kind of a standard "I miss him but I didn't think we were right for each other ... and I'm sad that I had to dump him ... but you and I can still be cool ... " Of course my sis forwarded it to me, and since she knows I'm NC, she deleted my ex's email without responding.

 

So apart from the email itself setting me back a bit in my healing, I thought it was pretty sneaky of my ex to write to my sis, since obviously she would forward it to me ... it's like my ex is contacting me but still respecting my request for NC! How annoying.

 

It also leads me to believe that she put her best friend up to writing to me ... just to get news from me or something. But since I shut down her best friend and my sis is not responding to my ex, hopefully this'll be the last I have to deal with this, and I'll be able to take my time to heal.

 

 

So here's the whole email that my ex wrote my sister:

 

"I just wanted to write to you, because I really like you, and I hope we can still be in touch. But I will understand if you you don't want to communicate with me. And this may seem strange, but I want you to know how much I miss him and how painful this is for me even though I'm the one doing the breaking up. One of the most painful parts is that I've torn myself away from a whole family that I really liked and loved being with. I miss you and your parents and your grandparents and cousins. I felt so welcomed by all of you, and I was just starting to feel really comfortable with your parents. You have a really wonderful, caring, vibrant family, and I guess I want you guys to know that I appreciated that so much, and I miss you all.

 

Right now I'm so lonely and sad, and I think about him every day, and a lot of the time I feel like I've made a mistake. It's really only when I visualize the future that I'm pretty sure that I have to do this. I have to take the loneliness and the pain and the emptiness, because I don't think I am the right person for him to marry and I don't think he's the right person for me to marry. I'm guessing he has shared with you the list of reasons for breaking up with him. But it was a weird decision to make, because I love him and I was happy overall. Paradoxically, I feel like I'm breaking up with him because I love him. I want to do what is best for him. I guess that's trite, and it sure doesn't feel like what is best for him right now. I know he is suffering a lot. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

 

I don't expect a response from you. I just wanted to get this out to you, to tell you that I miss you and hearing about your life. Also, you might want to tell him that I wrote to you, but maybe he doesn't want to hear about this at all. I think he pretty much wants to shut me out of his life completely right now, and I think he was right to decide that."

[DBL]

Talk is cheap...I think it is stupid she even writes a letter like that. I would have my sister tell her not to bother her anymore.

 

DBL

[rich46]

lost_puppy, I think you know what you need to do here. I think that the ex's best friend was a set up by your ex. I may be wrong, but the exact thing has happened to me before so I know just how sneaky they can be. You'll probably never know, but it's best to just ignore it in my opinion.

 

As for your ex contacting your sister, again another sneaky move. Sounds like she's trying to keep tabs on you and prevent you moving on - not until she's found someone else. You just need to ignore these testers as your attitude is bang on - no contact. One month since the break up is nothing. You need a good few months on your own without even thinking about another girl or talking to your ex.

 

That's my opinion anyway, based on my ongoing situation.

 

Good luck,

 

Rich