IM 13 hes 17 is that too much?? I NEED OPINIONS!

[shana30_1]

hey, this is my first post so yeah. Im dating this guy. Im 13 and he is 17. My mom knows but not my dad. But he wont hold my hand or anyhthing in front of some of my friends or his friends. I it because he doesnt care about me, he embarrassed to be with me, or hes just shy? Can someone please help? He doesnt try to get me to do stuff I dont want to but is the age still too much of a differecne?

[shschicka07]

yup...even if it's 4 years apart.. 13 is waaaayy diff from 14 and so on... I would just keep it a 2 yr diff once you turn 14 just keep it less than that for now. It'd make everything a whole lot less complicated.

[Rain]

That's a major age difference. But none the less you could still be right for eachother.

 

My advice is to keep it low around the school, because rumours will start most definetly. Make sure when he turns 18 he doesnt do anything stupid. Because if he does, he could get sued for rape even if you're willing to.

[dannyz4]

I think he is too old for you. Wht do you both from from each other? Ask him why he doesn't hold your hand in front of his friends. He may be embarrased about your age, or he may just not want his friends to see him holding a girl's hand. The only way to know is to ask him.

[San123]

I think its a big age difference just because you're so young... the older you get it isn't really as big of a deal maturity wise, 13 and 17 is a lot different than like a 23 and 27... my guess is he might be a little embarrassed about your age so he isn't holding your hand around your friends.

[Shinobie]

ya at that age that is definitely going into the pedofilic age for me.YA cause when u get older that barried becomes a lot larger cause i think it is alright for an 18 year old to out with a 22 year old.But not a 13 year old to 17 year old since there is such a difference between stages of puberty.Because like you are basically starting it when hes gonna be ending it.Cause i mean liek a senior walking around with like say an 8th grader or freshman saying you are is just kind of weird .Cause like it looks liek a lil girl compared to an almost grown guy sometimes so its a lil weird to me.Where as 18 to 22 they r both basically about as mature as one another.

[shana30_1]

Thank you guys for your advice. I guess I should tell you that you would have to know us to understand that we arent that far apart in maturity. I am pretty mature for my age, and he is pretty immature. That sound kind of conceeded but it is the truth. People who know us both agree with that. As for asking him why he doesnt I will when he calls ( hes supposed to call in a cupl hours) Thanks again!

[geo_jane]

It's great that you feel so mature

 

but ...

 

you might want to consider that you could potentially get him into a lot of trouble with the law. I don't know what the law is where you are but where I live a [sexual] relationship between a 13 year old and a 17 year old is illegal and can mean prison time for the 17 year old.

 

Plus if you can't be open about the relationship with your peers and father doesn't that kind of say something about the appropriateness of it?

 

Maybe thats not what you wanted to hear but thats how I see it.

[drahcir]

Its not illegal for a 17 year old to date a 13 year old, unless they have sex.

 

But its probably best to wait until you are 16 until you start dating. Some people don't start dating until they are 20 or 25....13 or 16 is not a late time to start dating.

[PAdreamer]

I guess I'm curious as to what a 17 year old is doing with a 13 year old. Mostly because I know that hormones are running rampant at his age, I'm a little surprised that he is interested in someone so much younger. It's true, you can date as long as you don't sleep together. But I am skeptical of his motives. I just think it's a bit strange.

[Phil]

just to be diffrent i'll say its not too bad, i know of a couple thats 5 years apart, and my aunt and her bf are 10 years apart. think of it this way... your 13 hes 17. he'll be 18 with a 14 year old sure it sounds bad so does 19 and a 15 year old... now.. think of him being 25 with a 21 year old.. or 50 and you being 46. not that bad now... now think of him being 13 and you being 9.. that sounds wrong to.

 

so it just depends on how you look at things, i personally think 4 years isn't to bad its when you get 5+ years that it doesn't seem right. and having a 21 and a 17 year old will be definently looked down on in most peoples eyes. as that will be a grown man with a teenager *no disrespect*

 

but thats just my opinion on things. 8)

[PAdreamer]

Playing Devil's Advocate against PHil here... sure the number of years isn't much, and once they get into, say, their 20s, it really isn't a big deal at all. But by then, the maturity levels start to even out and they are generally at the same place. But there is a HUGE difference in maturity and understanding between 13 and 17. I don't think that relationships are about age or anything like that, but I believe that maturity plays a huge role in it. If the maturity levels vary significantly, problems arise.

[Phil]

PAdreamer, yea i didn't think about that. even though it is only 4 years there is a big maturity diffrence.

[PAdreamer]

Yeah, that's really my thing. I mean, there's an 8 year gap between myself and my boyfriend, but because of our maturity levels and such, it doesn't have an effect on us. But At THEIR age it would be next to impossible to keep it together. Not entirely impossible, but pretty close.

[casado001]

Unless he is a Mormon or something like that I would not recommend such age difference gap.

 

Oh, 13 years old, difficult age!!

Kids your age do not have a clue, and older kids have too much of a clue ... nothing seems right ....

 

Oh, well, jut my two cents

[antzca2000]

nothing wrong with it. I think its smart he doesnt hold your hand because he doesnt have to be 18, he can be cahrged with statutory rape right now.

[ComputerGuy]

First off, holding hand has no bearing on sexual activity which is what statuatory rape is based on. That said, that age gap is a bit much at your age, I would seriously question his motives....if you insist on it, continue with the relationship and good luck, but don't let him pressure you into anything....if he wants sex, just say no. If he still hangs around, than it may be worth it, but I have a feeling he may not.....good luck all the same

[antzca2000]

^yes but anything past that, even kissing counts.

[avman]

No, kissing does NOT count. Only things sexual in nature would cause problems.

[PAdreamer]

Okay okay okay... Let's make this very clear.

 

Statutory rape:

 

SEXUAL acts of any kind performed by an adult upon a minor.

 

Sexual acts include:

 

Intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, any type of sexual touching.

 

The reason I want to make this clear is because I don't want any minors walking around thinking that if an older family member holds their hand or kisses them on the cheek, or even the lips (as some families do), or hugs them that they are being sexually abused or taken advantage of. Get my drift? We are talking STRICTLY sexual acts here.

[drahcir]

The law can vary. What is legal in one area may not be legal in another area.

 

You can get advise from a law student legal help line.

 

Also there may be other ways of getting legal aid advice on the what exactly the law is in your area.

[antzca2000]

nooooooo in certain areas any sort of contact not meant for friendly purposes can get you in trouble. I actually spent hours looking into this topic, dunt argue.

 

 

and cascado what do you mean its ok if their mormon? what does being mormon have anything to do with it?!?!?!

[Bobby]

wow...

[ComputerGuy]

Dude...there is no need to get defensive, kissing on the lips etc is fine, its not sexual....kissing on the breasts, etc. IS sexual. That's what statuatory rape is, SEXUAL interaction with a minor, if its not sexual, it doesnt count, and kissing is not sexual.

[PAdreamer]

LOL! Believe it or not I'm not blowing steam here. I did very extensive research of my own, thank you very much. If you want I can get you the EXACT legal terms for "sexual interaction" and "statutory rape" if you'd like. I'm not arguing, I'm telling you the facts.