HELP!!!!

[MattTheStudent]

So yeah my girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago and we haven't talked at all. The relationship ended in a fight that got physical on both of our parts, but not hitting- I grabbed her and she clawed my face; I know I shouldn't have touched her and I take responsibility. My brother and asked him to relay to me that she doesn't want me to contact her in any way. We had been together for two years and things had been getting worse lately- she had been on my case alot and I wasn't very happy, but I thought that things would work out. This fight really opened my eyes and I haven't called her at all. I emailed her twice BC her grandma was in the hospital and I just wanted to offer my support. She basically said thanks I'm fine. So yeah now I just hurt inside but at the same time it's very reassuring to know that I can take care of myself, which I have been- I've been going out alot and making new friends and trying hard to make me feel good about myself. Everyone I know thinks I'm a great guy and loves me, and I get hit on alot, but I have self-esteem problems, and when my ex was harsh on me it really affected me negatively. I was no angel, but I guess I thought that things would work out. I had asked her if we could go back to couples therapy(she walked out a few months ago and left me stranded there) and she always said no, and I urged her to go back to her therapist and she said no. Now we don't talk anymore and she doesn't want me to call her and she's been doing things like taking me on and off of her IM buddy list, so that sometimes I see her online and sometimes not. We haven't talked on IM, but I feel like she's messing with me. We have no common threads(we live in towns miles apart, I go to a different college, no common friends nearby(we have mutual friends but they live in different states), so that's not an issue but I just feel really sad alot of the time. To be honest, before we broke up, I was unhappy for a very long time, I felt that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, she's been pretty depressed for awhile, and alot of girls I know really like me and I would never ever cheat on her but I wondered what it would be like to be broken up. I guess I just wondered, I didn't want it to really happen, and now it has and I feel sad and kind of alone. What I miss most is not having someone to hold hands with, share my travels with, be intimate with(not just have sex with). It hurts me that she doesn't want to talk to me at all, but in my mind I know its better for both of us. I haven't really spent much time on my own since we've been together- we've talked like pretty much everyday for the past two years, and slept apart maybe 18 days total this past year. Anyway I am just feeling alone and back and forth on what I should do, and how I should feel about her. She's been pretty harsh to me for awhile, but she didn't used to be, and I guess I've been waiting for her to go back to the way she used to be. Can anyone help me with some advice or support? I just really need someone to say, "Yeah I went through something similar," and tell me about their experience- I need as much advice and insight as possible.

[mnuttster]

oh man, does this sound so much like my relationship that i lost over the summer. my two year/6 mo engagement to my ex was ended with a huge physical fight over something really stupid and she ended up hitting me and just going nuts on me (cuz i couldnt hit the woman i love). im with you here because we were amazing for the first year and then all of a sudden we started to hit problems with things outside our relationship and then it started to affect us. all i can say is keep your head up and try to move on. thats all im trying to do, the only difference is that my ex calls me all the time and tells me how she still wants to be with me and stuff like that (which might be harder than a clean break) i would say wait for her to figure out what she wants, there really isnt much you can do now. if she comes back she comes back and then you two can figure out if that is what is right for both of you. thats right where im sitting because she is seeing someone else and i know that she is just doing this to forget about me and try to move on, but i know that deep down inside her she just needs time and space to figure out what she wants in her life (we were together since her 2nd week of college and now she is a junior/in a sorority) i think that she started to treat me terribly because she was trying to reach out and have me notice that she wasnt happy, that she wanted me to work things out. she always asks me whenever we talk about our relationship "why did you take me for granted" and i tell her that i never meant to. i guess what im saying is that her trust for you might have been hurt and that she was trying to get you to realize what was going on. gosh my gf and i broke up like 50 times but we always got back together, i just hope that this is #51 and that we get back together. as with you i hope that your situation works out, but just be ready for if it doesnt because it is all in their hands now. good luck