mixed signals

[foolish]

Ever since my b/f and I got back together he's been acting different. All he does is hang out with his friends and he doesn't invite me to ever go with him anymore. We use to always go out. He's also been acting distant too. I have to admit I did break up with him two weeks ago because of his booze problem, but we got back together. Also, he still calls me at work 3 times a day just to talk. What going on?

[sisterlynch]

We all need to take a break from things and look at ourselves occasionally to see if what we are doing makes sense or if we are acting out of habit, and maybe that relationship has outgrown its usefulness.

 

It is also necessary to give up these habits if they are not helping us to value ourselves.

 

Sometimes it is necessary to move to make yourself feel better.

[SwingFox]

foolish,

 

It's hard to tell what's going on. I would actually want to suggest you that you focus on what YOUR needs are. Are you needs being met? You questioned that you are not invited by him to go out with his friends. It looks like that you would really like to. May be it's a good idea to communicate those needs with him. Explain him that you feel left out and that you would like to go out with him (and his friends), too. Hopefully he will come around and meet those needs for you.

 

Any decision you make should be based on this: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy." That doesn't mean that he always has to do what pleases you, but you have to be a little selfish and put YOUR needs right NEXT to his needs.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck in the decisions that you make.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[foolish]

Today he called me from work to see what I was doing and I mentioned to him that we need to talk. I told him that I want to be included in his life and I would like to go out with him once i a while because I'm his g/f. He just said he still needs time alone with his friends because he is still confused about us. He says he doesn't know if he can trust me again. He also said that me breaking up with him a couple weeks ago was maybe a good thing because he like being single. I don't get that. I broke up with him so he could change. Anyway, He says he loves me though and wants to work it out, but not to nag at him when he goes out. How can I not nag him when its a Friday night and I want to go out with him. If I do end up going out with my friends I end up seeing him anyway because its a small area and everybody hangs out at the same bars. So I can't even avoid him if I wanted to. I don't get it.

[brandos lovechild]

hiya foolish. i'm afraid something you said in your post is the exact reason you should no longer be in a relationship with him. " ' i broke up with him so he could change ' ". if you aren't making eachother happy, your relationship will eventually deteriorate..so why not end it now and save time. sorry but good luck

[acuratwinz]

My girlfriend and I are in the exact same situation, but it's me that wants to be a big part of her life and she is confused about us.

 

My best advice is to give him space, and show him that you can move on with your life without him in it. I know it's hard, but you have to try. Not only will you find yourself, you will also find out if he really wants to be with you.

 

Don't talk to him on the phone everyday, don't see him everyday. Make him want to see you...make him miss you. If he doesn't, then sorry it's probably better off that way. You'll be hurt, but be strong, and move on with your life.

 

I'm giving my girlfriend a lot of space and we only see each other 1-3 times a week. When I push her to see me more she runs away from me like there's no tomorrow. But when I give her space she has time to think about me, and miss me and you know what? She started calling me more often, and wanting to see me more often. It's crazy but it worked for me. There's no harm in trying...you'll be happier in the end.

[gelsey]

The key to a good relationship is one hundred percent communication. The key to kicking a bad habit is one hundred percent good communication. Its possible that he doesnt invite you out with his friends because they get together and drink. Its possible that he calls you to talk three times a day so he doesn't drink or to assure you that he doesn't so you don't leave him again. It appears to me that you have to initiate a completely open discussion about not only your relationship, but his habit. Before that, you have to decide if you love him enough to go through something this serious with him and urge him to get help. I hope everything works out for you, honey.

[juno]

He relates drinking with the break-up. Then prevents you to see him around alchohol cause he hasnt chaged and is not ready to do it so.

He wants you to accept him as a drunk. Do you want him as that?. A relationship doesnt work when one of the two is not ok. Good luck.