A few questions, and wondering what I should do next.

[ThomasP]

I met this girl 10 months ago. For the first few months of our friendship we were rather distant. We talked simply because we were always at the same place at the same time.

After that we started getting closer. We both kept asking one another if we had time to meet up. I thought nothing of it; I simply saw it as two friends with nothing to do, meeting up and chatting.

Eventually both of us had more free time on our hands. We started hanging out. First it was with a group of friends -small 2 day road trip-. Then we started hanging out alone, just the two of us. She would text me non-stop, and would always say things like, "text me when you're free...text me later...text me tomorrow...etc." Again, I simply saw this as 2 friends getting along very well.

I eventually started developing feelings for her. I felt that she also had feelings for me. She was always flirting, putting her head on my lap/shoulder, touching me, giving me a hug goodbye, and sometimes even surprising me at home.

I wanted to ask her out, but feared that if she said no, I would lose her as a friend and we would never go out as friends, or anything else, anymore.

Things took a turn for the worst. Last month she became very distant. She only called when she was bored. She started replying to texts many hours later. She stopped initiating conversations. Worst of all, my greatest fear; she kept coming up with excuses to avoid me and not hang out. I finally confessed that I like her. She replied with a kind, but heartbreaking "I liked you too, but with everything going on in my life, and you waiting this long to tell me I eventually lost interest. I would have liked said yes to us dating if my life wasn't so hectic right now. I just need some time."

Ever since I told her things have been more awkward. She still replies to texts/calls -hours later- but her messages are short and to the point.

It's been a month of this awkwardness and avoidance and I simply can not stand it!

She always says she is busy, but I know, from mutual friends, that all she has been doing is hanging out with other friends, and studying a bit.

 

Here are a few questions I was hoping you all could help me with

 

1. Is there any chance she will regain interest?

2. What are the chances she is seeing someone else now?

3. Is her distancing herself from me her way of trying to end our friendship?

4. What does she mean by, "I need time"? What should I do now?

 

Any other advice/info would be appreciated.

[ThomasP]

Any help would be appreciated.

[camus154]

You waited too long and blew your chances. In my experience it will be next to impossible to recover from this, but you never know.

[mhowe]

I think you just need to leave her alone. You cannot make her like you, or be interested in dating you.

 

Move on to someone else.

[DeviousOne]

Like some previous poster said looks like you missed your chance if there was any chance of rekindling then give her the BEST give you can give a woman...The Gift of missing you in the mean time find new chicks to hang out with and keep things casual with her. Dont seek her attention and get yourself busy so when she is bored you cant text her back cause your busy

[Natasha24]

Like others said, you basically missed your chance. She made it very obvious she liked you, but you never asked her out - which to her meant "I don't like you back". So she moved on.

 

The best thing you can do right now is don't seem needy. Stop texting her all the time and let her miss you. In my honest opinion, no, I don't think she will get feelings for you again. She may be seeing someone else, but it seems she distancing herself because she's embarrassed/hurt. "I need time" was probably just a nice way of saying "I don't want you anymore".

[ThomasP]

Thank you, everyone.

The other thing that has been bothering me is, when I told her how I felt, she said she felt the same way. We spoke and she basically agreed to a date. The next morning when I called, she played it off as if she had never agreed to give us a chance. I simply let her get away with it, and told myself I didn't want to date someone who doesn't want to be with me anyways. I'm not sure why I didn't post this in my first post.

 

So I suppose the more important question is, is she also trying to let our friendship die off as well?

I have decided to cut off all communication with her, not to play games, but simply because I am tired of dealing with this.

[camus154]

I simply let her get away with it, and told myself I didn't want to date someone who doesn't want to be with me anyways. I'm not sure why I didn't post this in my first post.

 

Let her get away with it? As opposed to what? Having a big showdown?

 

This doesn't change anything about your situation. I don't think anyone can answer whether she's trying to kill the friendship or not, so the best thing to do would be carry on as you see fit without expectations.

[Ms Darcy]

I agree you missed your chance. It sounds like she did ask you out early on - asking when you were free - and you blew her off.

 

Lessons learned for you for next time I guess. (And by next time I mean next girl).

[ThomasP]

Thanks everyone.

Ms. Darcy, I think you may have misunderstood. Every single time she would ask me if I was free, I would say yes (there were a few times where I had to move the time around, but nothing drastic). Heck, there were times where I canceled plans just to be with her. I made it very clear I was interested in her as well. She is traditional; "Guy HAS to ask the girl out."

Back when there were still sparks, I tried my best to make it clear I was interested. Took her out to dinner at a nice restaurant and paid for her. I was the one who always got physically close to her (I initiated the "touching phase" as I like to call it). Like I said, this whole "guy has to ask girl out" tradition may have also been what messed things up. I'm not complaining, I made a mistake and have accepted that. I also have accepted the fact that it's time to move on.

 

Thanks Camus, I know, there wasn't much I could have done. I do feel however that I should have pointed it out. So far I have taken the blame for all my mistakes.

Gah, being the "nice guy" is such a pain.

[Ms Darcy]

Gotcha. Your early post didn't clearly note that when she asked you if you were free that directly lead to you both hanging out in a date-like fashion.

 

I don't understand the "nice guy" comment. All you had to do was tell her that you like her sooner.

[ThomasP]

Ah, my mistake. I guess I just really wanted an answer asap and left some details out.

 

I have this annoying habit of letting people get away with things that I believe are wrong. In my opinion, telling a guy you'd like to start dating him, then pretending you never said anything of the sort is a huge slap to the face. I know "it's just a date" but in all honesty, this was the first time I have ever felt this way about someone. I would have preferred if she said something like, "After taking some time to think about it, it's best that we just stay friends."

I would have probably told any other girl how I felt.