OK. The old gynecologist question.

[chode1]

Sir, if my girlfriend had uterine cancer I would calling on ANYONE to help her! I'm sorry for you misfortune regarding your wife. It's a terrorizing, horrible disease.

 

I think that if in a year, I haven't grown into this idea, I will go with her and talk to her doctor. I would actually like to interview the guy. I know that sounds kind of weird but, I would like for him to apply for this position. he he

 

Here's the bad thing about her talking to her friends... not only did she have this discussion with her friends, including a guy that I am also friends with, but she has been lying about it. I already know that she has been talking about me behind my back and I don't appreciate it. But I can't present this to her because then she'll be in trouble with her friends.

 

 

 

Ok, I was pretty harsh the first time. I'm sorry.

 

It just hit me real wrong, because my wife had uterine cancer last year, and OB/GYN doctors saved her life and I got to know a bunch of them.

 

So, a real suggestion, go talk to her doctor. Tell him what's bugging you. Let him talk to you about it, it may help and it may not, but its not going to hurt anything.

 

As for her talking to her friends about it and embarrassing you, I would suggert you talk to her about that, if she does this about many things you won't be able to talk to her at all. It does not sound like your relationship is very confortable, and that may be a bigger problem.

 

Again, I am sorry for my first response.

[Scout]

What happened with your former wife and her OB-GYN? If it was traumatic for you, I am pretty certain that's why you are having anxiety about your current girlfriend's doctor.

 

Maybe details about this would be helpful in determining why you are so upset. I do agree with a previous poster that the last person I would want at my exam is my boyfriend! How uncomfortable and embarrassing an already awkward situation would be.

 

As for wanting to interview the doctor, I think again that desire probably is rooted in whatever happened with your ex wife.

[bexcelant]

Gee, tell ya what, when my girlfriends go to the OBGYN, that is the last thing on my mind. Shoot, it's one day out of the year. I don't even wanna worry about it. So they got some scope up there and they're looking around and palpitating the cervix. ughh that's gotta be the most nonsexual disgusting thing I can think of. Think about going through at least 25 women a day in all shapes and colors. After that think about being in his place. Uhhhhh Yuck!!! To me that's the same as sticking a scope up somone from the other end.

 

BEX

[chocolatelover]

You must be kidding, right? Interview the doctor? That is up to your GF, not you. She is a grown woman. I know this must have been said in jest...

 

I am sorry, but it would be insulting to have my boyfriend in the room with me during an exam...insulting to the doctor and to me. With ALL the things to worry about in the world, and in relationships specifically, why worry about something as mundane as this?

 

If your GF is talking to her friends about this, I don't blame her. I would, too. It is just bizarre.....If I was her, this would be a major red warning light.....

[Meow18]

I don't think you need to worry about his intentions or anything. If he has tried to do anything sexual with any of his patients, then I'm sure you would have heard about it.

 

As long as he is keeping his thoughts to himself & not trying anything, then why worry about it? So what if he thinks your girlfriend is a babe, its not like there's anything going on between them. You can't control his thoughts, he can't control his thoughts. If he sees a pretty girl, then he's going to think she's pretty. That doesn't mean he is going to try to hit on her, or in his case, enjoy examining her down there.

 

Of course anyone who is a gynecologist, must have some interest with the area down there, but thats not the whole job. They have to have interest in the whole reproductive system, otherwise they wouldn't have taken so much time to learn about it all in school.

 

Interviewing him would be really unnessecary. What would you ask him? He was interviewed to get his job, they didn't just hire anyone random person who liked the idea of examining women. So you can trust that he's a good person who has good intentions.

 

This whole thing about you being jealous over a guy who examines your girlfriend down there once a year (or twice) for medical reasons, shows that you are very insecure in this relationship. It could be because you have had bad experiences in the past with this kind of thing, but you need to learn to trust your girlfriend in the fact that she's comfortable with this guy examining her & she wouldn't allow anything to go on thats not supposed to.

[ayekasong]

In regards to why this man chose to be a gynecologist, perhaps someone in his family suffered from or even died from uterine/cervical/some other reproductive cancer, and he has dedicated his life to making sure other women don't fall to the same fate.

 

Or maybe he is just really interested in how the female body works. I have a friend (female) who is a nurse. She has seen hundreds of naked men, aroused and not aroused. She tells me that there is nothing appealing about seeing these naked men or women. To her, it's just another body in its natural state. She has seen penises of all shapes and sizes, and had boyfriends during this time. She assures me that it does not please her sexually to see the penises unless it is on her boyfriend. Even though she is not a gynecologist, she has to examine sexual organs at times because there is so much a nurse or doctor has to know about the human body. It does not turn her on or off, the satisfaction of knowing she helped someone is a great reward.

[Luciana]

Chode, I can understand you insecurity even though you really have nothign to be afraid if. Still, it bothers you enough to come to this forum.

I can tell if you if my fiance went to a good looking younger woman doctor who put her hands in his private parts, it would make me a bit upset. I would feel ok if she were an older lady, or a very plain looking fat woman.

Have you see what this doctor looks like? Is he a 6 pack hunk or a grandfatherly type? For them, like the last post says, it is just work.

 

When my fiance had a small sugery a young decent looking nurde helped shower him naked. I saw the begginning of this then left the bathroom. Too be honest I felt kind of weird aftwerwards imagining how he felt being totally naked in front of a young woman.

 

I also hope when he gets his colon cancer exam it's a man. So I know how you feel, but just realize nothing sexual will ever happen.

[avman]

I also hope when he gets his colon cancer exam it's a man.

 

Trust me, when they are about to ram a camera up your butt, sex is the absolute last thing on your mind

[ComputerGuy]

I know my urologist isn't getting his rocks off when he examines me (and trust me, neither am I).

 

Is that the one that likes ur butt avman?? ROFL

 

Seriously though....you really need to get over this. Unless he has given you any specific reason to believe he has alterior motives, I think you really need to let it go.

 

Its something that is going to destroy your marriage if you keep going about it the way you are. He is a doctor....he is doing his job. When he got into this profession it would NOT have been for sexual excitement....I mean how sexually exciting would it be to be treating a girl with herpes or some other STD??? That is the sort of thing he has to deal with, so I highly doubt he is thrilled at the site of a vagina.

 

Personally, I prefer female doctors....it's nothing sexual but I am just so much more comfortable with a female doctor...especially about being examined in my genital area....male doctors make me feel uncomfortable. It's nothing to do with sex or anything like that...I really don't know why I'm like that....but if it came down to it, I'd rather see a female doctor and I wouldn't change from a doctor I trust to a male doctor who I'd be uncomfortable with even if I did trust just because my g/f has an issue with it.

[FromEurope]

Hi Chode,

 

I have read all the comments about your topic and I think I understand your point. I'm basically in the same situation:

 

My wife has been to the gynecologist for the first time in 8 years (she's 28 right now). She said she wanted to do an annual check-up for cancer, and in our small town (Germany) the female gynecologists were all busy for months and she didn't want to wait so long, so she was OK to go a male gynaecologist.

 

She went to the gyno exam last Monday (11 Oct 2004) and I must admit I had very mixed feelings about it. I did not accompany her.

 

When she came back she told that he had seen during the speculum exam that she still had her period (she was on day 5) and he could not do the PAP test or something. He then made an ultrasound exam with a vaginal probe, and he made a new appointment for her next week (Wednesday, 20 Oct 2004) for the cancer check-up. So he will even see my wife twice within this short time. I can simply say that I am very strangely excited, agitated about this whole situation.

 

I think, the visit to a male gynaecologist by a young girl or woman is psychologically much more complicated for all three of them (both her boyfriend/husband, herself and the gynaecologist) than the other comments want you to make believe.

 

First of all, when my wife came back from the exam on Monday, I felt the urge to have immediately sex with her that night, and I had some vague feelings as if I had to "rewin" her from the touch of they gynaecologist, to make her mine again.

 

When she came back from the exam, I told her in a quiet and almost funny manner, that ACTUALLY I wouldn't be too happy with her having been touched by a man, even if it was for medical purposes. She said: "Oh, be sure, he is NO MAN for me, just an old doctor". I said: "Yes, but he STILL IS A MAN". Then and later in bed when we were going to have sex she began herself first to talk about the gyno exam again: She said: "Well, in a position like this I had to lie naked in front of that gynocologist, imagine that!" (I had deliberately parted her legs in a gynolike fashion). I asked: "What were your feelings about that? Wasn't it embarrassing?" – She answered: "Yes, of course. I only lay there and hoped it would be over as soon as possible." I asked: "Did it hurt?" She said: "Yes, a little, when he opened that speculum-thing because I tensed up." I asked: "Why did you tense up?" She said: "Because I didn't like it". Her reason to go there was that she wanted to be sure she had no cancer.

 

We talked more detailed about the exam and I said: "Don't you think, he was excited by the view of your gorgeous body and vagina?" She said: "What do you think, he is a DOCTOR, he sees new p*ssies each 20 minutes. He is already accustomed to it". I asked: "And what do you think, how can he have sex with his wife then?" She said: "Well, I think, that will actually be problem for gynecologists. Nothing will "stand" anymore."

 

That's what my wife basically tells: She finds it embarrassing to show "her p*ssy and bottom", as she says, but on the other hand, she says: "He is a doctor, no man. It's business for him."

 

I think there is a very ambivalent point in it: If he is a doctor above all, why then is she embarrassed? That means that at least she herself cannot completely forget in such an exam that it is a man examining her most private parts.

 

I think that a very difficult point for me to accept as her husband/boyfriend is the point that my most loved person, the person I find the most gorgeous in the world, is READY to undress and show her most intimate parts to a complete stranger SIMPLY BECAUSE he has the qualification of a GYNECOLOGIST. That means, his profession is enough for her that she is willing to undress.

 

On the other hand, I remember what "high quality" I had to offer to her that she would undress to me: To me, she undressed only when we had been together for several weeks, when she was sure I would really love her and not have a quick view at her genitals only. Of course, one could object here: She is ready to undress immediately because it's exclusively for a short health exam, whereas undressing in front of you then meant an commitment of love to you.

 

But the male unconscious thinking is different: I had to wait so long to get to her intimate places, and this doctor guy gets to see her at once, she undressed cooperatively and willingly (and he gets even paid for it – this, by the way, carries another unconscious message: the gynaecologist gets paid for it, while, in my own perception, when getting the opportunity to touch her most private parts, I would do anything for free!)

This is the first aspect: She willingly undresses for him, something she has not done that quick for me (The fact, that she does this for "medical reasons" simply cannot change my subconscious feelings about it).

 

Another point is: The gynecologist, of course, is not allowed to do any sexually orientated touchings towards my wife/girl-friend. That is what some people in their comments to your question want to tell you, Chode. They say: Don't be afraid, he is a doctor only, his "sexual rights" towards your girl-friend are ZERO. He has only the right to examine her in a medical way.

 

But that's not the point. I perfectly know that the gynaecologist is not allowed to touch my woman/girlfriend in a sexual way.

The point is: For me as her husband/boy-friend any touching of her, especially in those intimate parts, would be sexual for myself, i.e. I would experience the same medical procedures of inserting a speculum and a vaginal probe into her vagina as extremely arousing for myself if I did it to her (even if I personally have not ever engaged in any doctor play with my wife). I would find it arousing to me because my girl friend is sexually attractive to me.

 

If anyone now wants to tell me that the gynecologist does not experience any sexual excitement because it's his business I cannot at all believe it.

My wife is a gorgeous sexy attractive young woman, and I believe, there won't be many male persons, if any, who wouldn't agree that she's sexually very attractive. (I know, this is always somewhat subjective, but I'm sure that my wife is really what most men in the world would find sexy).

 

When I asked this question to my wife: "Don't you think your gynocologist has thought something like "God, what she is gorgeous!" ?", she answered with the "usual explanation" (found in many of the comments)

"You know, in the end, a gynaecologist is so used to see p*ssies all day, and he sees so many women with gynaecological illnesses that this work is not fun at all.

I don't agree with that argumentation. I would say "The work is NOT ALWAYS fun. But especially if they have to see a lot of awful things, too, they would be extremely happy to see a sexy, attractive, healthy young woman in between.

 

I simply don't believe that gynecologists become indifferent to the beauty of women. It somehow even does not fit into the image of the gynecologists – in the end, they do their job FOR THE SAKE of the women. I simply don't believe that any man could ever "get used to" female beauty and thus become indifferent to it. (Maybe the pure sexual desire is becoming less in older men in general, nevertheless, they still perfectly have an eye for and understand the beauty of a young woman.)

 

But let us assume, he could become indifferent: That would mean, that another man would be COMPLETELY indifferent towards a woman which for me is the most important person in the world. This is psychologically (at least unconsciously) an offence to me, because I would have to understand the following subconscious message: The gynaecologist does not agree with my perception of beauty – what I like so much is just an indifferent person for him.

 

For me, the situation is as follows:

The gynaecologist is not allowed to touch her "in a sexual way", as they call it, and he is thus restricted to his thoughts. His thoughts cannot be controlled and thus not be "punished". I surely believe that we have to assume that the gynaecologist derives a certain "pleasure" from seeing a naked p*ssy of a gorgeous sexy young woman.

 

I am myself a language teacher at university and interpreter and I can tell you that whenever I see another attractive sexy young woman – in classes or wherever I have to do with them in my job – I cannot suppress my erotic thoughts or feelings about them. This does not mean I would be unfaithful to my wife or even think seriously about a sexual affair with those other attractive women, but I perceive their beauty very well.

 

The same goes for a gynaecologist. He can't be an exception. He must also be able to perceive the beauty of a woman. I have seen my wife's p*ssy a hundred times, too, and I am still excited by the sight or her body and her most intimate love place. Even more a man should be able to be excited by constantly seeing different attractive women.

 

So I assume that while examining my wife, the gynaecologist has had erotic feelings, he must have thought "she's an attractive young woman". Once again, I want to stress that cultural pattern and the doctor's role make any unpunished sexual affair impossible, so the gynecologist will in most cases not go beyond his erotic thoughts. The most he could do is to slightly prolong his examination or do it more thorough (unconsciounsly because he finds her attractive, likes her and wants to get very sure he does a thorough check-up). In the case of my wife's exam, he did a ultrasound exam via the vagina, which gives a more thorough picture of the inner female organs. However, such an examination is paid by the medical insurance in Germany only if there is a suspicion of any disorder, it is NOT part of the routine annual cancer check-up.

 

CONCLUSION:

So if I assume that the gynecologist surely derives a certain pleasure from this examination I should ask myself if I am OK with that fact. (Actually, I think I would feel more offended by the thought that this exam is MERELY a business for the gynaecologist, an unpleasant work. I wouldn't be able to understand why probing my wife's vagina should be unpleasant for him while it is extremely pleasant for me.)

 

And so the strange thing actually is, that I am excited about the idea that a male stranger is allowed by my wife to see her naked down there and even allowed to examine her private parts and watch into it (through speculum and light), so that he even sees things I have never SEEN before: the inner part of her most secret parts.

 

I am excited and at the same time sort of "outraged" that something like this – an exam like this – is accepted in our culture. I'm a definitely Western person, with no other cultural background whatsoever, but I have a vague feeling that the gynaecologist looks literally into something which is reserved only to my wife and me. For me, in a way, the vagina is the physical place of our LOVE, and his pocket lamp looking into her private parts is as if he desecrates, profanes something holy.

To be sure, I'm not an especially religious person, but while writing this, I got the metapher of the vagina being the CHURCH OF LOVE, and then the gynaecologist would be a construction worker who only goes there only to make a quick check of the construction, without honouring the place.

 

To make it short: I simply have problems to accept a maybe "rational" explanation that tries to distinguish between a "neutral, non-sexual touching" (which would be the case when a male gynaecologist performs an exam of the female sex organs) and "sexual touching" by a loving boyfriend/husband (when you have sex with your wife/girl-friend. If you think about a possible non-sexual touching of sexual organs, this would basically mean that the sexual organs themselves do not have any "sexuality", and that "sexuality" is present only when touching those organs in a specific manner.

What I think is that there cannot be any non-sexual touching of sexual organs, because – as the name says – those organs are already "sexual" themselves.

 

There's something very uneasy about the idea of having a male gynaecologist touch the most intimate, secret place of my woman/girl-friend. The exam remains, in my view, a (restricted) sexual action of a man performed on a woman (even if constricted by cultural definitions – it must be a MEDICAL check only and it must be as short as possible) a (restricted) sexual action of a man performed on a woman. Since both my wife and I are heterosexual, I would be much more at ease when this exam would take place with a FEMALE gynaecologist. The setting would then be – a (restricted) sexual action of a woman performed on a woman – a scene which does not occur in our sex life and is thus NOT related to it.

 

I would very much appreciate any comment to my view on "wife examined by male gynaecologist". The most urging question for me is whether I should tell my wife that I would like to being present in that second exam on Wednesday, 20 Oct. 2004. The main reason that I did not go with her last week was that I was afraid that she would refuse it or that the gynaecologist could suspect I would accompany for the sake of "controlling him" or any subconscious jealousy.

Now I think I could at least accompany her with the motivation that I'm interested whether we should take a HPV test also (which is an extra cancer check that is not paid by the medical insurance). – By the way, I have written "we" here instead of "she" – which shows that I see my wife and me as one "physical unit" when it comes to the sexual matters.

What do you think?

 

FromEurope

 

PS: When my wife came back from the exam last Monday and I told about me not being happy with her visit to a male physician, she answered to me: "Do you think that I'm sort of your possession, something only YOU can have?" – I must say, I find this quite an inadequate answer. I guess, it was just a quick answer out of embarrassment with the whole situation, because she maybe was confused with this visit to a male gynaecologist, too.

 

PS 2: Concerning the point whether I should ask her if she would let me accompany her to the second exam: I could imagine that she finds it embarrassing enough and would not like me to watch her in such an embarrassing position. However, this again, would support my view, that an exam by a male gynaecologist is not "normal". If it would be normal, why shouldn't I be able to accompany her, then?

And if it is so, that the exam is embarrassing or upsetting for her, then I would like to tell her, that she should understand, that the idea of this exam is embarrassing for me, too, and my agitation about it could be made easier for me if I would be present during the exam.

Even if the conscious part of my psyche understands (the "Super-Ego" according to Freud), that probably "nothing other than medical" is happening between my wife and the gynaecologist during the exam, the unconscious part of me (the "It") simply cannot accept it.

[bexcelant]

Chode,

 

If you are having issues of this magnitude then it must be something else. Some other issues that are causing this. Why don't you and your girlfriend go find a counselor and work this out.

 

BEX

[d346]

I'm sure this man could have "impure thoughts" but if you were knowledgeable on the subject, you would find that he is actually concerned about her internal organs -her cervix, her ovaries, uterus. Not exactly sexy. It's VERY clinical.

 

she's a grown woman. If he does anything inappropriate, I think she'll know how to handle it. She doesn't need you there at the appointment to hold her hand.

 

Note that OBGYNs are also obstatricians -I'm sure it's a very rewarding experience to care for pregant women, as well as deliver their children. There's nothing perverted about this.