julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 sooo, it's been 3 months since i deactivated my facebook account as in cut her out of my life... I finally decided to open it last night,,., and now, my ex message me suddenly... im so shocked!!! here's her msg: "im sorry to contact u again... ..but can i just ask u one thing...are u okay..? i mean how is ur health?..everything fine?..it's okay if u don't want to reply..just wanna ask u..sorry.." Link to comment
JA0371 Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Nice feeling isn't it? Are you going to respond? My suggestion if you do..is to stay cool, calm and collected. Key is for her to wonder about YOU...congrats! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Nice feeling isn't it? Are you going to respond? My suggestion if you do..is to stay cool, calm and collected. Key is for her to wonder about YOU...congrats! agree .....I hope this is the start of recon for you ..take it easy ...very small steps and of course this is fab fab fab Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Whoa ---"start of recon?" Don't get your hopes up. You deactivated your FB, which apparently in this day and age, is like going off to a mountain and sitting in a cave for three months. And now you are back -- and she sees it and responds. She is worried, possibly feeling guilty. This is all about her. Her note doesn't say miss you/sorry we broke up/love you/ can we talk? It says -- you don't have to respond. So don't. You have completely mystified her by dropping off the radar. Use FB minimally, don't make it your life (you gave up the addiction already!!). Link to comment
JA0371 Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Whoa ---"start of recon?" Don't get your hopes up. You deactivated your FB, which apparently in this day and age, is like going off to a mountain and sitting in a cave for three months. And now you are back -- and she sees it and responds. She is worried, possibly feeling guilty. This is all about her. Her note doesn't say miss you/sorry we broke up/love you/ can we talk? It says -- you don't have to respond. So don't. You have completely mystified her by dropping off the radar. Use FB minimally, don't make it your life (you gave up the addiction already!!). Agreed. You don't HAVE to respond at all....and stay calm. Link to comment
Minx2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Don't even respond. As good as it feels, don't bother. Keep the upper hand and while you're keeping it up, you MIGHT just find a better woman who could be the one. Link to comment
Chandra Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Don't expect much, but be honest with yourself. In these conversations, I usually express that it hasn't been all that easy, but that the breakup helped me grow and discover new things about myself. I wouldn't have been able to do XXXXXXXX if not for this realization. I am happy with the direction of my life. That's all you really need to say. It they are over you, they will be happy for you. If they aren't over you or they are insecure, their ego will be suddenly in shock. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 here's how the conversation went: HER: im sorry to contact u again... ..but can i just ask u one thing...are u okay..? i mean how is ur health?..everything fine?..it's okay if u don't want to reply..just wanna ask u..sorry.. ME: hi it's been a long time.. i'm doing ok.. how are you? i hope your doing good also. HER: ah everything allryt?. , ah good good. yes,,im also fine,,just stay healthy.., ME: thank you thanks for still remembering me inho... dont forget about me ok? took good care always HER: ahh yes yes,,.. is it going to be bothering u if i msg u sometimes..? ME: (no respond) HER: sorry just never mind ;,take care ,. ME: nooo.. its not going to bother me,, dont worry.. feel free to msg me if u need someone to talk to. ok HER: noo sorry jinho,, just never mind ,im so stupid haha,, im not going to bother u,,just take care always , ME: you are not stupid.. im happy to hear from you again.... wear thick clothes.. it's cold you take good care also. how was it???? Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 jinho and inho is our petname Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 way more than it needed to be ---"don't forget about me". Do you want to be friends -- listen to her dating woes? Pet names? You have been broken up for 3 months....and you are pretending it didn't happen. Ignore her going forward. Certainly do not intiate any contact. Link to comment
Chandra Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 You probably came off a little needy, but it will all be remedied if you just act like you don't need her from now on. No worries. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 and the most surprising part was, i just opened my facebook again last night,, and, now she suddenly messaged me.. i feel like, shes been waiting for me to come back.. or its just me being silly,, ahhah and her facebook is in public so even though we are not friends, i can see her wall post.. heres her 3 latest post: "IM GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT YOU!" "NOW THAT I SEE YOU AGAIN, IM SO HAPPY!" "IM GOING CRAZY!!" Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 yeah, im no longer gonna msg her.. that will show that i do not need her anymore.. Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Good. She is crying for attention --- in a public forum, and making it all about her. Please, for the sake of your dignity, and your healing --- IGNORE HER COMPLETELY. This will escalate ---- to "why aren't you texting me", "are you mad". Say nothing. Do nothing. And keep your FB posts to a minimum. Link to comment
snippot Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 I have to agree Mhome... dont mean to be harsh, but all the mystery just flew out the window on that exchange. Cringed reading it. Wear thick clothes??? did you think that bit of advise was going to make a difference? Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 awww... i think i did bad Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 You slipped on the ice. Now stand up and ignore her. Completely. Unless you aspire to being a doormat. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 yes,,, im no longer planning to contact her... hahaha it's just feels good,, that im not fogotten Link to comment
snippot Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Im sorry Julian. You did not do bad. You did your best, and now you need to learn from that exchange. I know how that feels to not be forgotten, but its time to start keeping those feelings to yourself and not sharing with her. All mystery is gone once you share those feelings. She may not like it, but its the mystery that keeps her thinking about you. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 yeahhh.... i need to show her that im no longer available... and it will probably make me attractive in her eyes again.... and it will keep me in her thoughts... that is so true..... Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Yeah, I don't think that was bad at all. You were chatting, what, maybe five minutes? And she's freaking out about it. Stay cool, mate. High-five. Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 This isn't a game. You don't need to "show" her you are no longer available --- -you need TO BE NO LONGER AVAILABLE. Link to comment
DN Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 I think you were right to respond but you came accross as insufficiently independent without her. Continue to respond but keep it light and short. Link to comment
julian19 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Share Posted May 30, 2012 I think you were right to respond but you came accross as insufficiently independent without her. Continue to respond but keep it light and short. yes... i slipped a lil bit... probably becoz of surprised... but i am surprised also that i manage to stay calm and control my emotion.... because 3 months ago,,, i was begging her like a crazy guy.... and my emotions were flying all around... but now,,, im happy that i get a hold of myslelf,, although a slipped a lil bit.... the conversation is still considered as casual and it ended in a good way somehow... Link to comment
rickyspanish Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 good job man im happy for you. my ex messaged me back said she missed me and all that and i did the wrong thing by jumping on it and intiated contact the next 2 times which really kind of screwed things up. im 1 week NC since we last talked and am leaving it completely up to her now. I think you did fine just always let her contact you first and take it a notch down with the excitedness. i know its hard i was ready to jump in the air and scream the day my ext text and said she missed me but i jumped the gun just dont make the same mistake. Link to comment
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