It's like walking on egg shells with him....I need advice :(((

[egygirl]

I'm sooo sad. Really, I've tried with him. I'm not perfect. But it's like all the time, I'm walking on egg shells. I don't know when the next time will be that he just goes off on me, seemingly out of no where. I've showed so much love to him. No matter what he says to me, or how mean he is with me at times. I've shown extreme patience and love.

 

We go to church together, and attend Bible study together, and even a training course at the church. So for as much as we learn about love and patience, he doesn't seem to get it.

 

Today, I was telling him about my issues about getting a job. Then he just snapped! "I'm tired of hearing your stories, I'm sick and tired of it." He knows I have been applying for a job, and I am working now, but looking to change jobs. He's a footballer, and hasn't found a team. The team he was on, gave him a lot of problems, and it's seems it will shut down. I've put up for over a year about his stories and sadness and tragedies, and was with him every step of the way. Even when he was mugged and beat up, I was there for him to take him to the hospital and pay his bills. I always help him with money, even type his homework for him, because he computer is broken. Yes, I'm crazy to do so much, but that's the point. He doesn't care. I'm not fat, but I have a bit of a belly. It's not huge...but he wants it to be flat. He's also sick of me because I don't work out everyday. Just maybe 3 times a week. One minute he is kind and loving and calls me "honey bunch" and the next minute, he says he's sick of me. He's come from a war-torn country....he seems to have some issues from that. But really, I just wanted to vent. He says, he doesn't need to learn anything from me...being some one who is supposed to be religious...he doesn't learn from what God says either. He can be heartless...sometimes I wish he would be put in his place to get back what hurt and sadness he has given me. He has done so many things to me...I've given so much, much more than he has given me. He says...I have to play the role of a good woman...but the role of a good man doesn't exist to him, even though it's written in the Bible, he says he reads everyday. He doesn't know what love is...even if it was written on his forehead.

 

Last thing he told me: I'm not compelled to love you. Even I asked him to help me with a project for our Bible study. He told me, he has to check his schedule. And it's not compulsory! I've have typed his homework, helped him with money, bought food and things for him, helped him whenever he asked or needed it. It wasn't compulsory. But I did it because of love him!!

 

What do you all think? Is there a man out there who would appreciate me, love me, support me unconditionally, and be patient? It seems there is not....

[DN]

Don't stay with someone because they are loving some of the time when the other times they are abusive. That makes no sense.

 

Dump him and find someone who is loving all the time.

[kaibutsu]

There are plenty of other guys in the world that won't require you to constantly be hyper-aware of everything you're saying, and that is completely draining to be around someone like that. I speak from far too much experience in that regard. I know you care about him, but now it's time to care about yourself.

[jimmyh]

I would leave. You are better off alone.

 

If you think of it, you get very little for what you give. You are like the mother of a spoiled child. You try to be nice caring and understanding and he seems fine. Whenever you ask him for help with something he throws a tantrum. In other words, if you offer moral support, you should get moral support. If you are nice he should be nice. It seems he needs a professional bodybuilder girlfriend who is mute and has enough money to support him.

[ManOhMan]

My relationship is almost the exact same except of course that I am the BF, and my GF sounds very similar to your BF. These types of people just require a LOT of patience and you REALLY have to love them. If you can't handle it, might as well leave now, because they may never change. Often-times people like this have borderline multiple personality disorder. In all honesty it is probably better to just move on. These types of people love to take and take, but rarely give. They are all about "me me me". They also have problems really tapping into others feelings. They mostly only feel themselves and their own reasons. Think deep and hard if this is something you are prepared to put up with for years, if not, move on.

[Stay_home]

You could do a lot better.

[becomingkate]

I agree - Borderline Personality Disorder. My late husband was like this, and I do not recommend staying with him. I know it seems terrible to leave someone with a mental disability, but SAVE YOURSELF the grief and heartache.

[egygirl]

Today was a beautiful day. So it seemed until just a few minutes ago! He and I hung out today, he taught me how to play football...we prayed together...met some friends by chance, and went to a cafe to watch a football match. I bought himm a sandwich, we took pictures in the city, We met his football coach, he introduced me as his future wife. It really was a wonderful day, until we got back to my house. He told the taxi to stop just before my building, but i told the taxi to go a little further to park infront of the entrance. My bf SNAPPED! He starts yelling at me for not listening to him. I told him this is not a big deal to argue over, especially after we had such a wonderful day! Why should we ruin it over something trivial?! What difference does 10 feet make? When I tried to tell him how I am soo tired of him snapping and getting angry all the time, he said he doesn't need advice from me. And to stop yelling at him. I got really upset. I already didn't sleep for more than 2 hours for the last 2 days. I told him, look at all the blessings God gave us...and he told me, He doesn't want to hear about blessings, from me. He was the one who was singing religious songs and wanting to pray! Where is the God in him? Where did it go so quickly. I said if he wants to know about patience, look in theBible...he said, he didn't need advice from me! So he feels he is the only one who can offer criticism and advice. But me, I never have anything useful to say and he doesn't have to listen to me.

 

He seriously ruined such a wonderful and blessed day!

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you'd feel much better if you took a stand to his verbal abuse. As long as you continue to allow this, he has no fear of losing you.

[StarryEyes7]

This man is emotionally abusive. RUN and RUN FAST. It will only get worse, and it may escalate to physical abuse. He's controlling, and brainwashing you to think that you're not a catch, and if you were to leave him you wouldn't be able to find anyone else. RUN.