A soul mate I can't have..

[timeoutchick]

How to explain.... A few years ago I had a fling with a guy. He had a girlfriend, I was single. It lasted 2 1/2 years and ended with me losing it one day and calling his girlfriend one Monday morning and telling her. At this time I had a very good male friend who knew the guy I was having the fling with and he was my shoulder to cry on throughout the whole situation. As you can imagine, the guy was furious with me, and we did not speak for almost 3 years --- during which time I started dating the other guy - who was once my friend. (are we confused yet). Herein lies the problem... guy number one is someone that I can't shake. We are currently speaking again, except now the shoe is on the other foot. I'm the one dating someone. We haven't really done anything as we both keep saying we can't go there. But we have such a connection it scares me. He walked up to me one day at lunch time and the girl I was with was like, "Oh my god you two have incredible chemistry, it's so obvious." She didn't even know who he was or that he and I were ever involved.

I know where this is all leading, and I know it would completely devastate my boyfriend. I make myself avoid running into this guy, but sometimes I give in because I do miss him. To make it worse, he and my boyfriend run in the same circle of friends so there will never be a time when I can completely avoid him. It was so much easier when I thought he hated me..... help!

[lady00]

guy #1 seems like kind of a jerk...he cheated on his girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. what makes you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you? I understand why he was mad at you for telling his gf but honestly he brought that upon himself. The only one he had to blame for that situation was himself. I know you're attracted to him, but in my book attraction/chemistry isn't enough. The guy who deserves you will commit to you and you alone.

[broadshoulders]

hey go for it. why are you scared, its not like your married to the second guy. life is short, enjoy it to the fullest so that youll never say "i wonder what..." go for it. you have my approval.

[guy40az]

I would have to agree with lady00. I have never understood the thing with going behind some ones back to have a relationship. It seems like the most strange thing I can think of why would you want to be with someone that would do that to you, or why would you do that to some one else. Is that really what you are looking for in a person someone that has no problem cheating on you.

[bored]

if u cheat on ur bf then ur just the same as the first guy...lets see how long 2 cheaters can last together

[avman]

If you really want to be with this guy, then break up with your current boyfriend. Then you are both single! This is entirely within your control right now. So make the decision you feel is best for you.

[Scout]

I gotta disagree with the Avman on this one. Guy #2 was there for you when Guy #1 didn't want you; thereforeeee, dumping Guy #2 for Guy #1 would be very, very uncool. I'm pretty sure you'd rack up some bad karma if you did that!

 

If you don't love Guy #2, than don't stay with him, but for heaven's sake, don't go to Guy #1. I guarantee it will never work out - again, probably because of karma and the fact that he does sound like a jerk.

[porcupine7578]

couple points:

 

1. sounds like Guy #2 - probably not the "one" - if he were, then you wouldn't be vibing with Guy #1

 

2. your vibe with Guy #1 could be for the fact that you guys have always been in the off-limits situation

 

so....it seems like you need to be fair/honest with Guy #2 (and yourself) about the situation....and though it's going to suck....you're probably going to need to let Guy #2 go....afterwards....see if you are still vibing with Guy#1......if not...then you know that it was just the whole "forbidden" thing that you had going on......and you get to move on - when you do....find Guy #3 who is not in the same circles....dating guys from the same group tends to get messy....

[timeoutchick]

Update - Ironically this weekend Guy #2 (the boyfriend) confronted me... he discovered an email I had written to guy #1 in my palm pilot. I never actually sent the email to guy #1 -- sometimes I just write to clear my mind, get my thoughts out, etc. I never intended that email to be sent to anyone or read by anyone and did not have any idea that it when I sync'd my palm pilot, that email got on there. Nonetheless, it said basically the things that I wrote here in my first post.

 

Of course I was horrified when I knew he read that. He had been acting very short with me for about 3-4 days and I wondered what was up. The end result though I think was probably more positive than negative. He was hurt, yes. I came clean with him and told him what was going on, and nothing has happened between me and the other guy aside from a few conversations and some flirting. He told me that he knows that he doesn't give me the things that I want or need. (because I've told him over and over and over - basically just more intimacy and things like he has told me he loves me maybe 3 times in the 4 years we've dated....) Anyway, long story short, it prompted a very much needed conversation between us, and I came out of it feeling that I truly love this guy and do not want to screw up my relationship with him. So my plan is to avoid guy #1 at all costs, and do what I can to remove him from my mind, heart, or whatever. I know a relationship with him would never work. He could never be faithful to anyone, and it's true what Porcupine said, I think some of the attraction is simply the fact that we've always snuck around and in some way that was exciting.

 

I appreciate all of your comments, hopefully I am back above ground on this and my current relationship will become stronger.