Feeling very strong "in love" feelings like never before.

[Fudgie]

Been out of the infatuation phase for months now in my relationship. Did the whole "getting to know you" thing long before we even started to date, during our 8 years of close friendship. I had so many family/academic/personal stressors on myself since late autumn, I am finally coming out of that dark place and seeing light and hope. He has helped me, again, through these hard times, even when I was upset and sort of pulled away a little to be quiet and think. He'd just be there and stroke my back. It was like this for months. Now I'm coming out of that dark place, I'm done with school, and ready to move on with life.

 

Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and just felt so consumed with emotion and love for the person that you just want to CRY? I swear to god, I've never done this before or felt this way but I've been doing it for 3 days now. It's not really infatuation because I'm not thinking about it all the time, but these days, when I am near him or look into his eyes, I feel like my heart grows so big that it's going to break. It's almost overwhelming. I sometimes have to look away. I start to tremble. When I am with him, I am just consumed with this overwhelming feeling of love, how I want to stay with him for always, how I want us to grow together, how my whole life I always dreamt about finding that person, that imperfect, flawed but exceptional person, who would both resemble me somewhat as well as challenge me but would also be challenged by me. And how when I look into his eyes, I feel like I can see that person, and I am just filled with just an intense feeling. I wish I could put it to song. I never really felt it before but I feel like I want to be with him forever, I want to see him grow and change, I want to him to see me grow and change. He's always told me how he loves me and how we have seen each other grow through the years and how he can't wait for more to happen as we develop and get better with time. I really want that. I want him by my side through all of it. I've always wanted to travel and see more of the world someday. I want him next to me, metaphorically. I want us to run parallel together.

 

I never felt this way before, even during the early part of our relationship. Why now?

 

My medications have been going fine, my anxiety has subsided now that I am done with school, and I am in the middle of my cycle (I don't get PMS anyway) so I know it's not hormones. I am at school packing but soon I will get to see him for longer when I move all my stuff back home.

 

Seriously, lol, I don't even know what to do with myself at times. I'm seriously almost crying as I write this.

[mhowe]

You have reached a new level of emotional connection ---

[Fudgie]

It's kind of scary how intense it is. I wonder if he feels the same.

[mhowe]

Sadly, it will fade. But it's great while it last! Think Cloud 9 and enjoy it for as long as you can (without completely freaking out1). When it fades, you still wind up on Cloud 5!!

 

It truly is the strengthening of the bond -- emotional, intimate ---connection. All good.

[Fudgie]

Even if it did wear off, I would still be happy.

[mhowe]

Eh, then don't worry. At one point, I actually started crying a bit while we were -- um - you know -- because the emotion was so overwhelming. I didn't say anything...didn't really know what to say. He just held me.

 

Think of the whole connection as a syn curve ----or a wave --- you are at the peak right now. It'll go away, but it'll be back again.

[Fudgie]

It's just a little overwhelming right now. I tell him I love him every single day but I haven't really outlined it for him like I've done it here. I have no idea why I didn't feel this way before with anyone, not even my recent ex. The term "I feel like my heart is getting so big that it will break" is a feeling that I haven't felt since I was 14, with my first love, so that's 8 years ago, just before I met N actually as a friend, lol.

 

I love him so much.

[tiredofvampires]

Maybe now that school is done and you are filled with the excitement of the next stages...it feels "right" now in this strong way.

 

Good for you. Just enjoy it.

[Fudgie]

Yeah, I just got home and everything just feels better. Things are still difficult with my grandmother dying and his grandmother becoming even more of an insane drunk....but whatever, we are getting through it. It just feels so freaking good to be home, you have no idea!

 

He's definitely changed over the past couple months. He's more relaxed. I don't think he worries as much about losing me, which is good. I don't feel restricted or anything. Things just feel right.