Getting back together tonight maybe

[euphoria24]

some of you may know my story, I have been basically chasing a guy like crazy and then in the last two days he has basically cut off communication with me except yesterday he sent a text saying:

"do you want to hang out manana?"

 

I said yes.

 

Now I don't know what to do. I am kind of pissed at him for ignoring me on facebook and not answering my calls. I think he is also dating other people and I want to have a relationship with this guy I really like him.

 

What should I say today, wait for him to contact me about tonight, or should I make the first move. IF we get together how should I act, should I tell him that I am pissed that he ignored me and that I think he may not be interested after all and that he is only hanging out with me because I have been badgering him.

 

I have learned from this site to let the guy chase you so does that mean I should just sit quiet today until he contacts me about tonight?

 

disclaimer: he has cancelled several dates on me because he had to work or was too tired. so he could cancel tonight, how long should I wait until I hear from him today? Should I text him? HELP! I want to do this right.

[SuperDuper]

I have been basically chasing a guy like crazy and then in the last two days he has basically cut off communication with me except yesterday

 

So you're chasing him really hard, and he's backed off ---> Not unreasonable, perhaps he wants a little challenge.

 

He has "cut off" communication for... TWO days ----> Sounds minor to me, you're not dating and he could be busy.

 

You two aren't dating and he's free to see other people (you don't even seem 100% if he is dating others). Once you two spend more time together THAT'S when you'd bring up being exclusive, etc. Keep calm and collected for now.

 

The way I see it, you can wait for his call/text (or lack-there-of) and if he contacts you or not, that can give you a better indication of his intentions.

Or, you can simply call/text him and ask "What time are you picking me up tonight"... or "I'm free after 6pm, how does that work for you?"... etc.

 

Do NOT come on strong/clingy/chasing too hard too soon, as that can make him lose attraction. Understand you aren't in a relationship yet and things will develop naturally if they're meant to.

[sidehop]

Why are you chasing a guy that's obvious you're not his priority? He's not into you. If anything he's only going to end up hurting you.

[Nedira]

I don't think that it is a good idea to chase a guy that does not have the same feelings as yours. I think that you need to act the same way he is acting. Ignore him, don't call him even if you want to and never show him that you like him. If he is interested in you, he will try to ask about you and check if you are OK. If he is not, then you just need to go your way and leave him alone. That's better for you.

 

I tried that and it worked for me.

[euphoria24]

Why are you chasing a guy that's obvious you're not his priority? He's not into you. If anything he's only going to end up hurting you.

 

why do you think he is not into me. Why would he still contact me if he was not into me?

[euphoria24]

where is calichick007 when you need her

[browneyedgirl36]

why do you think he is not into me. Why would he still contact me if he was not into me?

 

Well, the one big reason I can think of is that he wants to keep you as an option, so he contacts you every so often to make sure you're still *there.* This is common. Men and women BOTH do this. They aren't sure if they want the person, but they want to keep them around just in case. People who are dating several people at once tend to do this often.

 

I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but you seem really desperate to *get* this guy -- you don't know him very well, you're not dating him exclusively, and yet you're referring to this whole thing as "getting back together" -- there was never a break-up, because you weren't in a relationship! I understand that you WANT to date him exclusively, but...you've shown your interest. He seems pretty lukewarm even though he has contacted you. I suspect he's not that into you because if he were, he wouldn't cancel so frequently. All this stuff about being "tired" having to work, etc. -- excuses. I know because I've had it done to me, and, quite frankly, I've used those excuses when I really wasn't all that keen on seeing someone but I didn't want to come right out and say, "I'm just not that into you." Once is one thing, but multiple times? I have come to learn over the years that people make time for things they want to do AND even if they are tired, or they have a lot going on, they'll try to find a way to fit you in if they really wanted to. I don't care HOW tired I am -- if a guy I was really into wanted to see me, I'd be right there -- I might have to warn him that I was dragging a bit -- but I definitely wouldn't pass up a chance to see him.

 

I think you need to back WAY off on this one. Like I said, you've made your interest known. Wait for him to contact you again, and if he doesn't follow-up on his invitation, then assume he's not interested and move on. You seem to be pinning a lot of hopes on this guy, and doing that early on in getting to know someone can lead to huge heartbreak.

[browneyedgirl36]

I just realized that you are the same poster who posted about calling the guy and FB chatting him and he didn't respond...yeah...you need to back WAY off. As in, don't contact him anymore. If he contacts you, you can decide where to go from there, but...this one sounds like he's not all that interested.

[euphoria24]

I understand that you WANT to date him exclusively, but...you've shown your interest.

 

browneyedgirl36,

I have never told him that I want to date him exclusively. When we met he was dating another girl and he told me about it, he was upfront. We've gone on about 5 dates and have slept together and at this point I have not been upfront with him about what I want and all indications are that he is not interested. I am kind of not interested at the moment to be honest, but we made a plan to hang out together today and I just dont know how to go about making the plans and I have a feeling its going to be a disaster at this point if we hang out. My feelings towards him have changed, he has hurt my feelings by not responding to me and that makes him more unattractive to me. Just dont know what to do about today. Thanks for your response.

[browneyedgirl36]

I understand you haven't told him you want to be "exclusive" -- but I stand by my point that he KNOWS of your interest in him because of how much you've been contacting him, and, I would bet that because you've slept with him, he has a pretty good idea.

 

What I'm saying is, you've made it clear that you like him; he knows this because you keep contacting him and showing interest in seeing him by accepting dates with him (some of which he has cancelled). If he's really interested, he needs to reciprocate. It seems that at this point, he's not doing much reciprocating, hence my suggestion to back off. If you feel he's hurt you, then he's probably not the right guy for you, and maybe even if he contacts you asking to hang out, you should turn him down.

[calichick007]

where is calichick007 when you need her

 

I'm here, love. However, you never listen to me. LOL. You know I'm going to tell you not to contact him, and I know you're going to contact him anyway. I honestly don't see any great way to approach this situation at this point. He knows you're desperate and willing to chase him. He knows he can flat out ignore you and you'll still beg to see him and jump at the chance. I agree that he is not that into you. If he was, he would never ignore your messages, your texts, your IMs, your calls, etc. I think he hangs out with you when he's bored or could use an ego boost... and he also knows sex is on the table, if he decides he wants it. People hang out with people they aren't into all of the time, if there's something to be gained from it. It's not nice, but it happens.

 

I don't think this is going to end well no matter how you play it, but a few things I would NOT do if you end up seeing him:

 

1. Do not have sex with him. You'll just end up more emotionally attached, if that's possible.

2. Do not nag him about why he "cut contact" for 2 days. He isn't your boyfriend, and he isn't obligated to talk to you every day.

3. Do not give him some big, dramatic speech about how you want to be exclusive. You barely know him and he isn't showing any great signs of being into you. I don't think you are in an emotionally healthy place for a relationship anyway.

4. Do not go into any of the deep, personal stuff you wrote in the letters you drafted and posted here. You do not know him nearly well enough to be sharing that type of information.

 

The normal thing to do would be to hang out with no expectations, have fun, and get to know him better. Frankly, I doubt you are in a place where you can do that.

[euphoria24]

well everybody guess what happened tonight:

 

he did not contact me about getting together all day . I finally sent him a text at 5:19 asking if he wanted to come over at 8. No response. I start taking a bath at around 8:20 I get a text from him:

 

'going home be back central'...guess what he accidentally sent me a text that he meant for someone else. So then I text him back saying that basically he is texting the wrong person and anyways we ended up getting in to a fight and I told him never to call me again. Its over.

[euphoria24]

I told him not to contact me unless he can be courteuous and meet my communication needs like answering back and having the common courtesy to tell me he is working on a night we are supposed to hang out. Then I told him that I think he is not that into me or else he would have made an effort to communicate. I ended it but saying he was a good guy and that if he changes his mind he can contact me and that i was not interested in being friends. Ended it with a take care, with the advice of my sister telling me to tell him I think he is a good person.

 

I feel really good about all of this but sad because I thought I really liked him. Now its really over, cause he has not contacted me except saying WOW ok, and "do I have bad manners?"

 

thanks calichick007 for your advice and browneyedgirl36 , I guess this relationship was not meant to be its over and I feel sad, but a bit relieved.

 

euphoria24

[sidehop]

He's playing you completely. Don't chase him nor or any guy for that matter. Nothing wrong with reaching out from time to time as long as the other person is giving you the same respect and courtesy. Otherwise you're only allowing yourself to be very vulnerable. You'll find the right guy soon, just know when to back off and see any signs that indicate the guy is giving you the run around.